My first poem...

[JK Ferret]

This came to me out of the blue. Mostly.

Please take it at least half seriously, as it is based on the fellings of someone i know. (COUGH,COUGH!)

OUTCAST LIFE

I'm an outcast. I've been cast
Out from the boat i was in, where my the mast
Was my pillar of hope. Now it's gone,
Gone with the wind. Just like the one

I knew before. I don't know why
My life went wrong, where my
Most favoured pastime was just
Dreaming of one person, wanting, with lust.

And when she was gone, I felt my despair,
And my heart just had to tear,
And was torn. Now I'm drowning in a sea
Of restlessness and unease. Why was it me

That this happened to? What did I do
Wrong? All my feelings met up with my rue,
And exploded. I burst at the seams,
And seeped away, so it seems.

But maybe I will find my hope,
Again. No time to mope.
And maybe I will find again my mast,
And be reborn - un-outcast.


(Damn, that took most of my willpower to write that for people to see!)

[0iD]

No shame in poetry dude, s'from the heart. Good on ya.

[JK Ferret]

Thanks!
/shaky smilie type smilie thing(!)

[0iD]

I got reams of it i've written over the years. Save it. It's good to look back on.

[JK Ferret]

heh. could i see some of it?

[Zak33]

THATS PRETTY GOOD FELLA

You must prinyt this stuff out, cos the world wide web has a nasty habit of losing your old works. And vital stuff like that has to be re read in years/ decades to come and only paper will suffice.

But maybe I will find my hope,
Again. No time to mope.

that bit is dire though. Lets it all down. If I was you I'd sort that last phrasing. Mope is a crap word for such heart felt desire and need.

[JK Ferret]

lol. i'll keep that in mind, zak

[Zak33]

try using something like.....

But maybe, reborn, my life shall rise
The truth of pain, the depths despised,
My healing heart, my lightened soul
My friends around, my luck, my goals

And as the river takes me where
I know not too, and have no cares
The grateful lack of inner pain
Where life is calm, that is my aim.

how bout that.....? Use it, bend it, twist it or discard it

[Zak33]

And when she was gone, I felt my despair,
And my heart just had to tear,
And was torn. Now I'm drowning in a sea
Of restlessness and unease. Why was it me

best bit by miles....really good. Got me in one read

[JK Ferret]

But maybe, reborn, my life shall rise
The truth of pain, the depths despised,
My healing heart, my lightened soul
My friends around, my luck, my goals

And as the river takes me where
I know not too, and have no cares
The grateful lack of inner pain
Where life is calm, that is my aim.

Yeah, that sounds pretty good!
I'll take it!

best bit by miles....really good. Got me in one read

Thanks

[Zak33]

sold...to the man in the smiling face

change it dude....make it yours...its only words.