Wow, congratulations James! Best wishes to all of you!
Your requirements scream to me 335i. Hits all the criteria bar 4WD, but if you were that concerned nothing a spare set of alloys wearing winter rubber will sort out!
Otherwise off the top of my head fast rally offering, Evo or Impreza? Granted they aren't the most practical, or refined.
For your mileage I wouldn't even think about a diesel, false economy.
Tbh I keep coming back to the 335i. VERY tuneable, can be found in 2 door coupe, 4 door saloon, or 5 door estate. Not too large, exceptional handling (I've tracked mine LOTS) highly spec'd, and can be found in both manual & automatic.