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Thread: Imagine a car THIS CLEVER

  1. #1
    HEXUS.timelord. Zak33's Avatar
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    Imagine a car THIS CLEVER

    I kid you not.....my Signum knows STUFF...really vital stuff. It looks after me.

    This is the finest example of modern technology showing us humans the errors of our ways.

    Ready?....this is true.

    I am driving home, cruise control on, and I decide to stop off at the Off License.....I turn off the cruise, use my indicators to come off the by-pass and slowly cruise into town.....I ease up the kerb, cos there is no parking on the road, and the auto gearbox downchanges, to first gear, for me, and the traction control stops me lighting up the tyre as I scrabble up the kerb.

    I open the door, and the warning buzzer tells me that the lights are on. I switch them off.....Its been a long day. I'm tired.....

    The key is still in the lock, and it buzzes to remind me to take it out. I do. I lock the car remotely, confident in its security now....as I walk away, putting my keys in my pocket, I accidently push the "unlock" button when all my keys gets shoved together in my trouser pocket. The car unlocks, and I dont know about it, but its not a problem, cos if ya dont open a door for 30 seconds, it re locks It does, and I'm clueless.

    All sounds cool.....but lets face facts, its no hassle, all new cars do these things.

    So whats so damn impressive that its worth telling you dudes about?

    Well....I purchased 8 cans of lager, and dropped them into the passenger seat, switched on, and drove off......

    and the cans of lager were so heavy that the Front Seat Occupancy Detection lit up the dashboard lights for SEAT BELTS REQUIRED IN PASSENGER SEAT

    How cool is THAT? My car wanted me to protect my worthy investement of 8 cans of lager, by putting a seat belt on them

    So I did
    Ace car

    Quote Originally Posted by Advice Trinity by Knoxville
    "The second you aren't paying attention to the tool you're using, it will take your fingers from you. It does not know sympathy." |
    "If you don't gaffer it, it will gaffer you" | "Belt and braces"

  2. #2
    Va Va Voom Lowe's Avatar
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    Hope you put the seatbelt on

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    Paranoid??? Who Me???
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    hmmmm.. nice..

    but at the end of the day is still a Vauxhall.. and i'm sorry, I liked the old Cav, but the modern models just dont do it for me..

    little off topic here but whats your honest impression of the Corsa Diesel Zak? for some unknown reason its made its way into the top 5 possible lists for the next car... 12-18 month old.. what sort of prices can I expect to pay? any known problems with the car?

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    HEXUS.timelord. Zak33's Avatar
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    New shape Corsa Diesel?

    Both engines are ace....1.7Di IS A TURBO, just a low pressure one

    Very torquey....monster efficient, just dont bother trying to rev it.
    65bhp and 96lb feet of torque between 2 and 3000 rpm. Normally found on lower spec cars, but all have PAS and locking and most have electric windows.

    The DTi is a bigger turbo with an Intercooler.....75 bhp and 122lb feet of torque between 1800-3000 revs.,.....quick car, still awesome on fuel...but high spec or sporty models.

    No hassles on either except use lots of oil (most diesels do now) AND crap handbrakes on steep hills..

    Prices....all over the place mate..most Diesels do mileage so prices all over the shop

    Quote Originally Posted by Advice Trinity by Knoxville
    "The second you aren't paying attention to the tool you're using, it will take your fingers from you. It does not know sympathy." |
    "If you don't gaffer it, it will gaffer you" | "Belt and braces"

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    Paranoid??? Who Me???
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    cheer m8e... just wanted an unbiased opinion...

    the top 5 currently
    206HDi DTurbo
    Focus TDDI
    MG ZRD
    Corsa DTi
    Civic CTDI
    just in the process of takin em all for a test drive.. had a look at the Civic 206 and MG.. gonna look at the Focus an Corsa this weekend...

    cheers for your advice m8e.. always appreciated.

  6. #6
    XTR
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    That's a nice little story Zak. I always find that my can's of lager are always scattered all over the place after driving home from the off licence. I've started to put the carrier bag handles over my Multilock security device. The cans stop in the bag this way



    *Disclaimer* - The contents of this message are not necessarily my own opinions,thoughts or views... they may belong to the voices in my head!

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    hehe, nice story!

    Glad the cans were OK too!

    Nick

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    Administrator Moby-Dick's Avatar
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    I like the signum - loads of legroom in the back , even behind Zak , who is a tall bugger
    my Virtualisation Blog http://jfvi.co.uk Virtualisation Podcast http://vsoup.net

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    BEER is LIFE

    At least mine anyway

    Must protect that precious golden nectar of the gods !!!

    Buckle up for safety !


    - Nice Avatar
    Last edited by RocketmanX; 11-09-2003 at 04:34 PM.

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    Paranoid??? Who Me???
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    Originally posted by RocketmanX
    Must protect that precious
    ROFL!!! sorry Rocket... when I read that I automatically thought of Smeagle out of the LOTR The Two Towers!!!

    cheers m8e.. just brightened up my day!!

  11. #11
    VTECmeous Vimeous's Avatar
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    Originally posted by kaillum
    cheer m8e... just wanted an unbiased opinion...

    the top 5 currently
    206HDi DTurbo
    Focus TDDI
    MG ZRD
    Corsa DTi
    Civic CTDI
    just in the process of takin em all for a test drive.. had a look at the Civic 206 and MG.. gonna look at the Focus an Corsa this weekend...

    cheers for your advice m8e.. always appreciated.
    Just as a sideline Autocar just reviewed a Rover 25 Streetwise Diesel and despite everything actually think it works. I quite like it myself too I must admit. Won't hold the cash but if you're looking for long term from new then it's a possible.

    Also (sounding biased here) have you considered the Polo/Ibiza/Fabia 1.4 or 1.9TDs?

    ------

    Zak just one thing though ..... does it actually help you drive better?!
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    Ok... uhm... well I have a 1997 Golf GTI 16v and I can do almost all that

    Ok, so its not got Cruise control (dont want it) and traction control (dont want it either)

    I leave my lights on, open door... it tells me
    I leave my keys in ignition... no big deal, i just: -

    1: cant lock the car
    2: immobiliser kicks in (Cat 1 Thatcham)
    3: ooops unlock car on way to shop... immobiliser kicks in after 15secs of not starting the engine!


    See mine does it too and its a 1997 car!

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    Funking Prink! Raz316's Avatar
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    my car whines at me if I leave the lights on and open a door, dear god how it whines. Its got all that immobiliser stuff too.

    If the car was THAT clever it would go something like...
    "Michael, I have detected 8 cans of lager on the passenger seat, michael, lager does not improve your driving capability, michael, I am ejecting the lager, michael, michael?"

    *shudders* actually its fine how it is

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    But all of the stuff on the Signum is as standard... yours isnt, although it is clever!

    Nick

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    HEXUS.timelord. Zak33's Avatar
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    Hey..guys..I found it funny cos it wanted me to put a seat belt on my beer....

    its not sales track

    HOWEVER.....I HATE TRACTION CONTROL....ask David....when you wham it into a round about, unsettle the thing, tweak the handbrake and then ask for some front power with full opposite lock...it just dies on you

    horrid.

    Cruise control however.....I love it. Its bloomin fantastic......much better on saving fuel than me at the same set speed. Its SO ACCURATE

    Hey.....Kaillum..you want the best Diesel..? Honda aint it. But a 206 HDI will pull a house down.

    Vauxhall WILL nail it though..we have Common Rail diesel engines about to launch...a 1.3 and a 1.7...and the 1.7 with the big turbo is MONSTER.

    It'll be big dough tho

    So until then..you want Diesel.......Pug still own it

    Quote Originally Posted by Advice Trinity by Knoxville
    "The second you aren't paying attention to the tool you're using, it will take your fingers from you. It does not know sympathy." |
    "If you don't gaffer it, it will gaffer you" | "Belt and braces"

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    sdp
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    You wanna tell that car to shut up and remind it who the driver is
    Mini!!!!!

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