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Welcome to MiggyMan Industires Doggy Sale 2003, brought to you buy the makers of "the slide" and "sell your sister".
Yes, it's christmas, a time for giving, a time for caring, a time for impulse buying an profitering for all*(1), so why not buy a dog!
So many people buy pupies at christmas but why not skip that old aging process and buy a full grown, well adjusted*(2) dog instead, think of the time you'll save cleaning up it's mess, replacing your furniture and shouting!
First on the list of lucky contenders is Franky the pitbull.
Franky comes from new york where he spent most of his time opressing the other dogs while "extracting" protection from the local shopkeepers,
his hobbies include beating on the weak, "taking out" his enemies and playing dark underworld powergames!
Fanky mainly likes to eat pasta, smaller dogs and sometimes the occasional mob boss.
WARNING: Franky may try to have you elmininated, taken out, seen too, taken care of, removed, made to disapear, rubbed out, knocked off or even killed.
Price: One mars bar and half a bag of dry roasted.
Next on the list is Cerberus.
Cerberus comes from the oh so warm region of hell where he spent his days torturing and devouring the souls of sinners, his hobbies include flaying the flesh of sinners from their bodies, buring the souls of sinners for eternity in the firey pits of hell and knitting.
Cerberus mainly likes to eat human flesh and the tortured souls of sinners and sometimes the occasional mortal.
WARNING: Cerberus has on occasion been known to maybee try to eat people, but only a little, and im sure he doesnt mean it, awwwww isn't he cute*(3), i mean c'mon, how could you hold a grude against him, hell, im sure you've all got at least one family member you'd rather was eaten by th hound of hell!!
Price: Two Mars bars and a peanut.
Last our budger model, Timmy the Demon Dog.
Timmy comes from the dimension of pain where he spent his days plotting against the forces of light and justice in hopes of bringing terror upon the masses, his hobbies include Evil, Villany and bringing about the end of the age of man.
Unlike our other dogs timmy has a varied palette, he'll eat just about anything*(4) or anyone *(5) however Timmy is rather partial to 18yo virgin girls (extra rare).
WARNING: Timmy has been on very very rare occasions been known to subjigate the people of a land, enslaving them for a millenia or so before a dashing hero*(6) arises to banish him back to the dimension of pain.
Price: One Mars bar.
Terms and Conditions:
1) All cheques payable to my offshore bankaccount.
2) Mars bars to be delivered in a dark back alley of my choosing.
3) You will make mine a double!
4) And pick up the tab.
This has been a "The many voices in Mikes head" production for The Rubber Chicken Network.
*(1) Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!
*(2) May in fact me deranged and violent, but i wouldn't say it to his face if i where you.
*(3) May in fact not be cute, in fact, may be hideous, ok so he's fuglier than George W Bush after a head on with a jbc.
*(4) Aside from pot noodle, he only eats the edbile!
*(5) Does not include keith richards.
*(6) Hero not included.
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Originally Posted by The Quentos
