Funny courtroom quotes

[dnyberg]

Quality - reminds me of the insurance claims that Jasper carrot used to collect.

There are some other great ones that are gcse exam answers.

I remember them. They were pure genius

Good ole' Jasper Carrot

[redsky009]

Quality - reminds me of the insurance claims that Jasper carrot used to collect.

Like these:
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationery truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found I had a fractured skull

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some cows.

[dnyberg]

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

Had me in stitches the first time I heard that one

[vinnyT]

Clumsy crooks http://www.clumsycrooks.com/

Dumb laws (still on statute books) http://www.dumblaws.com/ (one of my favs is the law prohibiting you from throwing a live moose from a moving aircraft, WTF)

More dumb criminals http://www.dumbcriminals.com/

And of course tech tales http://www.techtales.com/techroom.html

They all say that these are true (the dumb laws are) stories, but can anyone really be as stupid as some of these criminals.

[Gerrard]

Very funny. Although technically, you don't have a date of birth every year, you have a birthday....

I was watching the 100 Greatest Stand-Ups the other day and they showed the clip of Jasper reading the Australian insurance claims, and it's even funnier watching him read them out!

[MadduckUK]

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment

best joke type thread EVER!