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Thread: Don't step on the Ducks!

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    Don't step on the Ducks!

    Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on the ducks."

    So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

    The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

    The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

    She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

    St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"





    The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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    Virgin Daughters

    A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
    They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

    Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop”.

    Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

    The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"
    Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

    The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways" Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.


    The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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    I Am A Princess! shelley bda's Avatar
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    ROLFLMAO! that's brilliant

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    Senior Member BrandX's Avatar
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    hahaha brilliant!

    Su wong marries Lee wong. The Wongs have a baby. The nurse brings in the new baby boy, but it is white. What will you call the baby asks the nurse? Well, says Mr Wong, two wongs don't make a white, so I think we'll name him, Sum Ting ******* Wong.

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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
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    something weird here
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Beard hat ftw! steve threlfall's Avatar
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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
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    whats going on with those avatars?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Senior Member BrandX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MadduckUK View Post
    whats going on with those avatars?
    http://forums.hexus.net/showpost.php...62&postcount=9

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    awww, ok. that explains everything
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    including tortoises?
    We're only here for the Banter - The Luvvies - Chewin' The Fat

    Violence and Lubrication is the solution to fixing everything, if it still doesn't work, you need more lubrication.

    Quote Originally Posted by this_is_gav View Post
    How do you change the height of them?

    I've just had a quick fiddle with the knob at the front :\

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    or where do all the socks go? I have loads of odd ones, i can't believe i've lost that many.
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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    Awww my fellow Princess, i've missed you!

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    Senior Member BrandX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelley bda View Post
    Awww my fellow Princess, i've missed you!
    Awwww fellow princess I've missed you also! Your crown is very catching still!

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    I Am A Princess! shelley bda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrandX View Post


    Awwww fellow princess I've missed you also! Your crown is very catching still!
    Oooh fank yooo it does sparkle like sparkley thing it does

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    Get a room you too, perlease
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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