...and then the carpet gets pulled out from under you!

[Andeh13]

Tonight my girlfriend of 3 years told me that she saw me more as a friend then as a boyfriend, and thus preferred it like that.

Due to me being full time at University, us having a daughter (9 months) and her living 80 miles away we got very little time together and as a result the relationship appears to have stagnated from her point of view (understandable).


I am now in a rubbish situation of having 2.5 months before i finish at Uni, having to figure out how to get over the ex-girlfriend which a week ago i was still rather fond of (!), how I see my daughter without getting wound up over my ex-girlfriend and finally finding somewhere else to stay over the summer (and beyond if i fail to get a graduate job) when i finish at uni as my family live abroad.

Damn, and i had everything going for me a week ago!

[aidanjt]

.......

How did this surprise you?

[GoNz0]

removed

[sammyc]

Damn, and i had everything going for me a week ago!

Isn't that always the way Sorry to hear it, so near the end of Uni - guess all I can advise is concentrate on each issue at a time, get your visiting arrangements to your daughter straight first (at least your ex-gf is not going to cause problems there, even though it'll be difficult for you under the circumstances). What is your accom position now, is it student digs, ie will you definitely have to move on? - if so hope you can find something, & sorry again, tough luck mate.

[Andeh13]

Yeh, seeing my daughter is fine. Just me trying to work out how i do it without being reminded about how much i still love my ex-gf. Accomodation is fine until July when my contract runs out with the student accommodation then i might have to temp hole up with my grandparents (will need to find somewhere else to put all my stuff) but spose that's a long time away & we'll have to see what happens before then!

Still feels like a bad dream i cant wake up from.

edit; As for me being surprised, we'd been going out for 3 years, had a daughter together and always knew this year would be hard but both felt confident we'd be able to get through it. She had already been buying wedding magazines around Christmas (i'd looked out a diamond for towards the end of the year which she knew about) and there had been a lot of talk of living together this summer. Hence me presuming we were just going through a rough patch but all in all we'd be alright.

[GoNz0]

oh ffs, didnt know youhad a kiddie

[Disturbedguy]

Sounds like what happened to me and my ex mate, granted we dont have kids, but we were together for 4 and a half years and I kind of thought that if we had been together that long and got through some tough times last year, to do with other family stuff, I supported her when we first got together (a point I could have walked away but decided to stay put and not quit, won't put in an open forum) and she got over and got through what she was going, then suddenly just before christmas as some may know, she finished with me, for pretty much the same reason yours has finished with you.

I wont like, but as you probably already know it WILL hurt for a while and you will think about chasing her and trying to get her to change her mind. But do not chase her, all you will do is push her away, I very almost chased my ex, if it wasn't for mates stepping in, I probably would have and would have pushed her away.

We talk in bits at the moment, only very small small, have been out once or twice since splitting up which was kind of hard, but it had to be done. I hope we stay friends as I hope you and your missus remain friends.

[pollaxe]

I'm really sorry to hear it Andehh. Some good friends of mine were in a similar situation not so long ago and have since managed to patch things up. I don't know if this is an option for you but whatever happens, I hope it all works out for the best for all of you.

[golwg]

Sad story that. You have to move on mate. You have a big priority in your life and thats your daughter. I am sure things will get better as time moves on.

[TheAnimus]

Does she have a job to support the kid?

If your having to find accommodation for yourself and a job then you might want to ensure there will be no strain put on the sprog.

But at least you can look for work in a wider area, which should make finding a job you'll enjoy easier!

[aidanjt]

Looking for work further afield will just make him look less of a father than he already is. Remember, ordinary women neurotic, pregnant women crazy, postnatal women regularly certified. Only this lass has a genuine reasons for her feelings of abandonment.

[usxhe190]

Women. Please don't chase her back. You will just get hurt more. And when you find out it involves another guy, please please don't get angry with him or her. Just let it be and remember it takes two for a relationship to work.

It will hurt for a few months.

[peterb]

While I would agree with not chasing her back, and without knowing all the details, it sounds like a breakdown in communication - understandable if you have been living apart.

If things are still amicable, then perhaps sitting down and discussing how and why her asppirations have changed may help you either get back together, or make sense of why she said what she has.

There may be someone else involved (makes things harder) or maybe she felt neglected/bored/unloved whatever. But if you still feel love for her, then IMHO, it is worth going that bit further to try to resolve the situation.

[eshrules]

Looking for work further afield will just make him look less of a father than he already is. Remember, ordinary women neurotic, pregnant women crazy, postnatal women regularly certified. Only this lass has a genuine reasons for her feelings of abandonment.

It's harsh, but it's true.

I can't see how I could live 80 miles away from my missus and/or kid, something had to give sooner or later, sadly it's the relationship that's suffered.

It's a forum so we're not afforded the luxury of knowing the entire situation....but

IMHO, there's no point in chasing her, if you've broken up it's with good reason (I suspect there is more at play here than the distance). You need to work together to ensure the child doesn't suffer - that's the only factor of importance here.

[Russ]

she could just be having a really bad day? any chance of driving back to see her tonight?

[CAT-THE-FIFTH]

It's harsh, but it's true.

I can't see how I could live 80 miles away from my missus and/or kid, something had to give sooner or later, sadly it's the relationship that's suffered.

It's a forum so we're not afforded the luxury of knowing the entire situation....but

IMHO, there's no point in chasing her, if you've broken up it's with good reason (I suspect there is more at play here than the distance). You need to work together to ensure the child doesn't suffer - that's the only factor of importance here.

There are people who have to work abroad to support their families so 80 miles is not really far TBH especially since the OP is going through a critical point in their life too.

I am sorry to hear what happened to the OP though and hopefully they can work things out with their other half.