Ladies Advice wanted please...

[Jimmy Little]

Hi! Sorry to me posting here but I would like some female advice from someone who does not know me!!

My problem is… A few years ago I used to weigh a whopping 23 stone, and although I had lots of friends understandably the women were not flocking! I have since lost 7 and a half stone… and as the weight has dropped I have noticed that women will now make eye contact or for some reason give me a smile!!!… this may well be nothing but It did not used to happen when I was 23 stone…. Anyway my problem comes with insecurity I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love very much we have been together for quite a few months now, she did not know me in my ‘big’ days and that makes it harder… every now and then I will become very insecure and when looking in the mirror I see the ‘big’ me it’s like my eyes and my mind have not caught up with the dramatic change… and as my girlfriend did not know me I find it hard to explain that I have changed sooooooo much!

Now in general I feel great! I’m so happy with the loss but this insecurity issue is one downside… I have defiantly become more critical and end up pushing my girlfriend away as I feel I’m very fat and ugly! Strange but true! So any advice as to why my girlfriend loves still! And how women might look at this situation would be fab!

Here is a link to the diet thread with pic’s so you can have a laugh!!

http://forums.hexus.net/showthread.php?t=22143

[Jimmy Little]

hmmm are there any ladies @ Hexus?

[Hidden Spirit]

Can I first of all say WOW! You have done so well!

You're asking for advice on why your girlfriend loves you still when you get critical of yourself and push her away? Sorry just not 100% sure on what you want advice on

Anyway if you are asking why she still loves you, I would say it is simple - Love is unconditional

For what it's worth, I know about the insecurity thing, and all I can say is trust your girlfriend when she pays you a compliment. It can be hard, especially if you feel you are having a "big" day, but you will get there

Has she seen the pictures of you when you were bigger? If not, why not show her them and talk about it? Tell her how you felt when you were bigger what made you decide to slim and why you feel better for it. By talking about it and realising that you are much healthier & slimmer, maybe you will see it for yourself

Good luck

[Jimmy Little]

thanks, and yeah your right i need to talk more with her... i get so many mixed feelings in my head... and sometimes when girls do say something nice about me it does not sink in... it's all a bit crazy, but hey when your soooooo overweight as was for your entire live and then so called 'normal' for a few months i guess it takes some catching up!!

[Hidden Spirit]

It will take a lot of time for you to 100% believe ppl (including your girlfriend), I know this as I'm still trying to believe my other half when he pays me a compliment

I'll just tell you again to see if it sinks in You look FAB

[tiggerai]

^ I second that!

[Jimmy Little]

Thanks guys thats real nice..

*goes very red faced and hides under his desk*

[Rave]

Mate, seeing as I'm married and all, and clearly not gay at all, I too will say that you look great and honestly mean it. I wasted several years of my life thinking that I was inferior and to this day I wish I hadn't. Too many relationships are ruined by a lack of self confidence; you love your partner for who she is so have faith that she loves you for who you are.

She won't thank me for saying it, but my wife is about 3" shorter than me and weighs more than I do, but I still fancy the hell out of her. She'd prefer it if I was a bit less skinny, but at the end of the day I chose to be the shape that I find acceptable. Paranoia will get you nowhere mate, just love your GF for what she is because it's 99% certain that that's how she loves you.

Rich :¬)

[Jimmy Little]

Thanks Rave, you makes things sound simple... i'm gonna keep trying really hard to get past this.. i dont want it to muck stuff up!

[Lee H]

I used to be a shy devil myself and I too used to be less confident in myself. The best advice I can give to you if a girl comes chatting is to speak to them like your speaking to one of your best mates. Its worked fine for me for the last 10 years

[Honoop]

Bobby - was looking at your diet thread last night and have to say that Im WELL impressed mate!!
You have done incredibly well and I can totally understand where you are coming from with the whole insecurity thing, I was actually wondering about this when I saw the transformation coz to be honest, I can totally see why you get the eye contact and smiles! (Not flirting - honest!!)

Anyways....
The insecurity thing is only to be expected I reckon. You have changed on the outside but not on the inside, coz you are the same person - its just that the 'wrapping' is a bit different. And seeming as you only see what everyone else sees when you look in the mirror, its not all that suprising that you over criticise yourself.
However, what you are forgetting is that your girlfriend loves YOU, meaning all of you - on the inside and the outside. The way you look may well have had a fair amount to do with attracting her, but in my opinion most people love one another for other things than just how each other looks. Every person has untold amounts of qualities including things like character, sense of humour, feelings, emotions, heart, soul - I could go on all night!
What Im trying to say is she doesnt just love you for how you look - she loves all of you!!
Remeber this when you feel insecure, because you could look like Brad Pitt but without heart, soul and character then you can never truly be loved!! And I would say its pretty obvious that you TRULY are loved!!

[Jimmy Little]

Bobby - was looking at your diet thread last night and have to say that Im WELL impressed mate!!
You have done incredibly well and I can totally understand where you are coming from with the whole insecurity thing, I was actually wondering about this when I saw the transformation coz to be honest, I can totally see why you get the eye contact and smiles! (Not flirting - honest!!)

Anyways....
The insecurity thing is only to be expected I reckon. You have changed on the outside but not on the inside, coz you are the same person - its just that the 'wrapping' is a bit different. And seeming as you only see what everyone else sees when you look in the mirror, its not all that suprising that you over criticise yourself.
However, what you are forgetting is that your girlfriend loves YOU, meaning all of you - on the inside and the outside. The way you look may well have had a fair amount to do with attracting her, but in my opinion most people love one another for other things than just how each other looks. Every person has untold amounts of qualities including things like character, sense of humour, feelings, emotions, heart, soul - I could go on all night!
What Im trying to say is she doesnt just love you for how you look - she loves all of you!!
Remeber this when you feel insecure, because you could look like Brad Pitt but without heart, soul and character then you can never truly be loved!! And I would say its pretty obvious that you TRULY are loved!!

Wow! Thanks for the great advice! I really can see what you say makes sense! I’m gonna get over this and move on and stop all this insecurity crap! It’s messing my life up and I don’t want it anymore!

Today is a new day!

[Honoop]

Wow! Thanks for the great advice! I really can see what you say makes sense! I’m gonna get over this and move on and stop all this insecurity crap! It’s messing my life up and I don’t want it anymore!

Today is a new day!

Totally - Look forwards, think positive and keep smiling!

[Jimmy Little]

Totally - Look forwards, think positive and keep smiling!

I will thanks again! you guys are great!

[sweuzo]

cuz you is a sexay boi. w00tw00t....

[Jimmy Little]

cuz you is a sexay boi. w00tw00t....

WHo Me.... YEAH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!