Actual answers written in response to questions in Chemistry Exams

[Howard]

Write a balanced half equation for the reaction at the negative electrode.

Answer: fork + shoe = spleen


Explain why the concentration of sulfate ions increases in the electrolyte?

Answer: Aliens. Damn aliens are responsible for everything weird thats going on around here.



Explain why an atmosphere of argon is required in the second stage.

Answer: I'd say it was probably those damn aliens again. Them and their illegal moon rock trade. Always trying to kidnap all the argon.



Describe what you would observe as this reaction took place. Link your observations to the species involved.

Answer: Add contents of packet and return to boil whilst stirring continuously. Simmer on a medium heat for 10 minutes. Sauce will thicken on standing. Serves 4.

[ajbrun]

That's the funniest thing I've read all day. Aliens . Are these real answers that you marked, or did you find them on the net?

[DaftpuNk]

They're from a few scanned in images that floated around IRC for a while. On the covers of two papers it said "UNMARKED!". I doubt anyone would've done that in a mock exam though

[Paul Adams]

Here's an exam answer I can promise you is genuine, and not in a mock...

French aural exam, GCSE level - scene in a restaurant with a waiter taking the order from an English couple.

One question was "What does the French waiter say to the English man first?"

Provided answer was: "Ah! You are English! May the fleas of a thousand rabid dogs infest your pantyhose! How may I be of service, other than gobbing in your food?"


I know this to be genuine as I wrote it
I had NO clue what the guy said, even though it got repeated twice, so I figured I may as well write something.

After the exam, while waiting for another to start, my French teacher walked passed as some friends and I were giving the exam a post-mortem - she just grinned and asked "So Paul, what was it the waiter said?".
Until then, none of my mates believed that I had really put that down

But it completely blew the theory that exam papers are immediately collected, sealed and sent off to an independent body to be marked, I noted...

[Mblaster]

LoL, the first one in the list ois the best! "fork + shoe = spleen" LOL

[Grey M@a]

Here's a classic one from a chemistry exam:

1. Explain the shape of the graph

Answer: Its curvy, with a higher bit at the end and a rather aesthetically pleasing slope downwards towards a pretty flat strait bit. The actual graph itself consists of 2 strait lines meeting at the lower left hand corner of the graph and moving away at a 90° angle. Each line has an arrow head on the end.

Check this site, has a few answers on them:

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/chemistry.asp

[megah0]

I liked this one from that site:

A supposed assignment actually turned in by two English students:



Rebecca and Gary
English 44A
Creative Writing
Prof Miller


In-class Assignment for Wednesday


Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.


* * * * * *


At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth — when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

You total $*&.

Stupid %�$!.

[Spunkey]

ROFL that is quality

[Grey M@a]

yeah that was a good one go look at the exam scams lol some of them you have to walk away thinking they were faked lol

[Howard]

Measuring a height of a building using a Barometer was my fav from that site.

"Tie it to a bit of string and drop it and measure the string"

[Emzay]

lol - oh dear, i answered some of my gcse papers like that *hides*

[Twigman]

When acidified potassium permanganate is added to a solution of sodium iodide, a reaction occurs. Write a balanced equation for the reaction by writing balanced half equations and combining them.

Answer:

MnO4 --> something

something else --> Another thing

stuff --> other stuff

I did that...

Which species is the oxidant (oxidising agent) in this reaction?

Answer: 1st one

fair enough

Write a balanced half equation for the reaction at the positive electrode.

Answer: 2 + 3 = 7

I bet that wasnt the actual answer.
H2 + O2 -> 2H20*

something like that...and someone has gone 2 + 2 = 2 x 3 ....haha you got it wrong...

*Not actually a half equation...

[Elmo]

lol, i could prolly have answered most of the chem questions too. Well i would hope i could, being in my 3rd year of a chem degree However i do do what twigman did.

"write the mechanism for such and such a reaction"

Me: structure of molecule + random reagent ---> target molecule

thing is, you get 1 mark for writing down the starting molecule and the target one so at least i dont lose out completely in being totally unable to do mechanisms!

[Twigman]

Yeah exactly...thats how I got a C at alevel without really doing too much work...lol