I Have a Big Problem

[tonicblue]

Right now on the Hexus Bed (My mom and dads water bed) lays Knoxville, Wiffle BMXer and Steve Threllful. What do I do?? Stupid drunken Hexus nights ended up at mine. HELP!!!

[Theo]

You will need:
-One piece of string about 50cm long
-A large amount of hair gel


Method:
1) Seeing as there are quite a few people in the one room, you will need to act swiftly and surely. Take only the piece of string and hair gel into the room with you. Leave the rest downstairs.

2) Re-enter the room with hair gel in hand and string in pocket. Scoop a large amount of the gel onto the ends of your fingers and shove down Steve Threlfalls throat. Hold his nose tight with your free hand, but keep your other hand down his throat. He will soon die of having a seriously bad taste in his mouth and asphyxiation.

3) Knoxville and Wiffle will both be stunned by your act. Wiffle will start crying and will shriek "WHY GOD OH WHY OH WHY?" etc. Knoxville will soon charge you, after staring at Steve for a while, then back at you, hatefully. Prepare yourself by wrapping the string around your hands ready to strangle him with it. Remember, he will be inebriated. So stand near a wall, and dodge when he gets near you. He will hit his head and fall face down. Quickly wrap the string around his neck and pull tight. Use your knee on the back of his shoulders for leverage. He will die soon after.

4) Before Knoxville dies, Wiffle will jump on your back kicking and screaming, tears running down the side of his face. Ignore him for the moment, he won't hurt you enough for you to notice.

5) Stand up from Knoxvilles dead body (make sure he is dead, and not just unconscious). Wiffle will be crawling away, trembling, scared to die. "Please stop... please... please..." he will cry. Ignore it. You're a god.

6) Grab your mothers hairbrush and hit him upside the head with it. It won't knock him out, so do it again... and again... and again.. and again... and again... and again... and again. His head will eventually split, and his brain will seep out. Try not to step in it, it'll mess up your shoes.

7) Run away. Jesus! RUN! You just killed 3 people you murderer! ARGH!

[megah0]

/me makes sure Theo never misses his morning medication again

[joshwa]

hmmm.... i'm not so sure Theo's advice is necessarily the best option to take.

[CocoPops]

lol @ advice.

Photo humiliation, best way forward tbh

[Doctor.Bob]

Superglue all the fag butts in the ashtrays to their foreheads.

That'll learn 'em

[plaz]

Originally posted by CocoPops
lol @ advice.

Photo humiliation, best way forward tbh

yup get the camera out, altho its probably a bit late now

[Wiffle_BMXer]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm :S im worried

[5lab]

is it not more worrying that none lying on the bed are female?

[Wiffle_BMXer]

nooooooooooo because....... we were all drunk and mucking bout on this water bed... then i stole the whole bed and knox and steve slept on the sofa's ha ha

[Punky]

Originally posted by Theo
. Knoxville will soon charge you

i'd love to see that happen.... you are one wierd bloke Theo

[steve threlfall]

Originally posted by CocoPops
lol @ advice.

Photo humiliation, best way forward tbh

Sorry mate but due to tonics lack of digi cam no such photos of the hexus 'romp' exist.

Theo

thanks for giving us all a really good laugh lastnight/thismorning

[th3 mol3]

Theo, you speak like you have done something like this before... care to divulge?

[Theo]

I'm afraid I cannot disclose that information on a public forum without a written guarantee that any evidence presented from this board in court is completely void.

[steve threlfall]

you have your gurantee theo (via pm) please divulge

[jcoquillon]

I find any combination of bathroom products effective in such circumstances. Te best though was a mate who had his face painted with tip ex

Also good was another mate who fell asleep next to a plate of greasy fryup and had nightmares all night about being chased by Fried Eggs and Bacon