Merry Christmas...

[scottyman]

made me giggle!

post your funny xmas piccies and jokes in here

[menthel]

Thats a good one.

[mike_w]

I've posted it before, but nevermind:

ne particular Christmas season, a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her mum was coming to visit. This really stressed Santa! When he went to harness the reindeer he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Becoming really frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the booze, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. Santa went to get the broom only to discover that mice had eaten the straw that it was made from.

Just then, the doorbell rang and he began cussing and swearing on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just lovely? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Actually, I've just noticed that the thread I posted this joke in is in the list at the bottom of the page!

[Daymonkey]

GOTTA LOVE IT!!

Also this one:

[scottyman]

class


25 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate During Christmas

1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring
one into the room, scream bloody murder and trash on the floor.

2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.

3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.

4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting,
"Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."

5. Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the
room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.

6. Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp
objects in it. If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty this year."

7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you
never get to join in on the reindeer games.

8. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. "You know, I saw mommy
kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night.")

9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.

10. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."

11. Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.

12. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it
doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!"

13. Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and
Blitzen, etc."

14. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah Humbug!"

15. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have
mercy on my soul!"

16. Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th
Street.

17. Pin a poinsettia to your lapel.

18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.

19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends "give
it a yank."

20. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel gets
his wings."

21. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over
and over in your underwear.

22. Smoke mistle-toe. Do what comes naturally.

23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing, "he sees
you when you're sleeping..."

24. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your
roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the
inn."

25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions. Tell
him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.

[mike_w]

12. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When itdoesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!"

That's the best one!