Are you paranoid?

[Ttaskmaster]

To the idiots that keep sending me letters

Thanks for the free stove fuel... !

[CAT-THE-FIFTH]

Thanks for the free stove fuel... !

All that burnt ink must do wonders for your air quality!!

[Ttaskmaster]

All that burnt ink must do wonders for your air quality!!

I'm an evil child-killer driving an old (not even a modern) diesel car, as well as being a peasant too poor to afford a house with gas... so what do I care!

[Saracen]

Thanks for the free stove fuel... !

Oh, sweet. Thsnks for the free wood/paper burning stove. When are you able to deliver?

[Saracen]

....
<lots of legal jargon later> ..... Bet you didn't even bother reading to get to this bit.... sucker!

Don't know me very well, do they?


Dear Sirs,

Kindly take your finance and &£€**%×$ it where your #€^&!@ <CENSORED>


Yours in anticipation (of watching the Youtube clip of you trying to do that)




Mr Saracen Smallprint

[Ttaskmaster]

Oh, sweet. Thsnks for the free wood/paper burning stove. When are you able to deliver?

No, the letters they send are the fuel.

I do have a free stove, incidentally, but it's internally broken and a Freecycle job, so you'd have to collect.

[Saracen]

No, the letters they send are the fuel.

I do have a free stove, incidentally, but it's internally broken and a Freecycle job, so you'd have to collect.

Great answer. Classic. Made me laugh.

But .... really? What're the odds that I make such an unpredictable comment and you actually happen to have one?

Maybe I ought to buy a lottery ticket this week.

[ik9000]

Don't know me very well, do they?


Dear Sirs,

Kindly take your finance and &£€**%×$ it where your #€^&!@ <CENSORED>


Yours in anticipation (of watching the Youtube clip of you trying to do that)




Mr Saracen Smallprint

Thank you for responding to our mass-mail circular. Now that we know you exist we have circulated your details to our network of partners who will also enjoy sending you advertising and product updates for things you might be interested in.

[Ttaskmaster]

But .... really? What're the odds that I make such an unpredictable comment and you actually happen to have one?

No idea, but it's an old Morsø Squirrel. Takes logs about 10" long, works fairly well in a properly kitted hearth. Just the internal concrete plate things have gone.
It's sat in the garage as we ripped it out and put a simple grate in its place.

Maybe I ought to buy a lottery ticket this week.

There's a newsagent up the road. Get your ticket there, on your way to pick up the stove...?

[Saracen]

I'm gonna regret that stove remark, aren't I?

Now I can't invite myself round for dinner again without getting a free stove in the bargain.

Curses.

[Saracen]

Thank you for responding to our mass-mail circular. Now that we know you exist we have circulated your details to our network of partners who will also enjoy sending you advertising and product updates for things you might be interested in.

That's okay, Mr 9000.

I used your address on the letter.

[Ttaskmaster]

That's okay, Mr 9000. I used your address on the letter.

And yet you got his response thanking you, to which you just responded, so it clearly still went to your address...

Now I can't invite myself round for dinner again without getting a free stove in the bargain.

At this rate you'll be so stuffed you won't be able to move, and your car boot will be in a similar condition!!

[Saracen]

Car? I can't fit it on my pushbike? I sold the car.



<crosses fingers behind back>

[Saracen]

And yet you got his response thanking you, to which you just responded, so it clearly still went to your address...

....

No, I just regularly intercept Mr. 9000's mail. He clearly isn't yet paranoid (enough) so I'm working on an attitude adjustment. Just don't tell him or it'll ruin the surprise.

[Ttaskmaster]

Car? I can't fit it on my pushbike? I sold the car.
<crosses fingers behind back>

I can make it fit.
I can make anything fit - I have a welder...!!

[Saracen]

I hope that's not how you cook the beef.