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About LinkBacksAnyone got any GOOD jokes, I have just been groaing over this one recently:
What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
It let our a little wine.
ARRGGGHHH! Save me!
Anyone got any GOOD jokes, I have just been groaing over this one recently:
What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
It let our a little wine.
ARRGGGHHH! Save me!
No good jokes... I'll tickle you though, if you like, and I'll even say 'tickle, tickle' while I'm doing it.
A man walks into a bar............OUCH
/grabs coat
Where do you find a duck with no legs?
Where you left it.
Whats grey, eats fish and lives in Washington DC?
The presidential Seal
A man walks into a drum kit..
Budum.. tish!
Still makes me chuckle now...
Originally Posted by Dareos
Whats brown and sticky?
a stick
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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Two Chavs fall of a cliff, Who wins?
SOCIETY!!!
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and Begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only R1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure ... go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "R260,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking R950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
R900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as
the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
> A young boy went up to his father and asked, "What is the difference
> between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father pondered for a
> while, then answered, "Go and ask your mother if she would sleep with
> Robert Redford for a million pounds. Also, ask your sister if she
> would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Come back and tell me
> what you have learned."
>
> So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert
> Redford for a million pounds?" The mother replied, "Of course I would.
> I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that." The boy then went to his
> sister and said, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
> pounds?" The girl replied, "Oh gosh!! I would just love to do that! I
> would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!!"
>
> The boy then thought about it for two or three days and went back to
> his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference
> between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes,
> potentially we're sitting on two million pounds, but realistically
> we're living with two slappers." The father replied, "That's my boy!"
'a brazillion'
rofllmao
We cannot choose what we are.. but what are we but the sum of our choices?
Love the realistically vs potentially one!
haha, yeah me too, saw it a while ago, but it still makes me laugh
i think that this is quite funny
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?
Please write your complaint legibly in that box -->[].
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9!
i think that this is quite funny
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?
this isnt really funny but is quite amuzing
Does the expression, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells?
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay!
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. Now the twist to the story...
There's an interesting extension to the story about railroad gauges and horses' behinds.
When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokolat their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
Haha, some of those are really cheesy, but brought a smile to my face. Thanks guys (and gals)
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