Alone

[Moonshade]

Hi everyone,

I guess I could say good morning too since it's almost 6.10 am.
I don't even know if it is okay to post a thread like this here anymore, I'm an old member who hasn't been so active lately. But now that I've finally graduated, I'll try to become a bit more active.

Maybe someone else is awake out there and could keep me some company.
Have been up all night thinking, or at least tried to. It's weird what love can do to a person, huh? Both good and bad stuff...and I don't know what this can be considered as. I think I might be in love..but I'm not sure yet. And if that's the case then I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel that same way about me .

Things are so not going the way I'd want them to go...
One shouldn't have to be scared while being at home with your family, right? Although I kinda am, it goes up and down really, depending on the situations at home. Sometimes I'm just worried, but there are times when I'm really scared. Not of my parents or anything, but my brother...he is my younger brother actually, but still strong. He'll be 15 in July and I'm 18. The thing with my brother is that when he becomes angry for whatever reason he might sometimes overreact and become really, really agressive. Which is really creepy(and scary), it's tearing my parents apart and that is tearing me apart, I mean when I was younger I've always seen my parents as the strong ones. Nowadays they tend to lean on me as much as I try to lean on them.

I don't know what to do...

-- Moonshade

[XA04]

I don't know what to say really because it's not all very clear... but, you shouldn't need to be scared to be in love... nervous, or shy, maybe - but not fear.

Your brother... maybe he should see a doctor, anger management or something? If he is tottally going off the rails then boot camp?

[Spud1]

Well firstly congrats on graduating, that's a positive thing for sure

I think I know exactly where you are coming from with the up all night thinking thing..I was in a similar situation around a year ago, had this one person on my mind 24x7..was driving me crazy. Couldn't sleep, found it hard to concentrate on other things - for no logical reason. It's both horrible and wonderful at the same time, but there is only one quick solution - and that is to speak to the person your thinking about, no matter what you think they think about you. That's what I ended up doing, it took a heck of a lot of courage and effort from me, and gentle poking from a couple of mates..and I was rejected. I took it hard, and hell thinking about her is still difficult (not that I would ever show it)..not seen her for months now (moved away) but it got a lot easier after that phone call. It's crazy really considering how little I knew her..but there you go.

So the point of that story is to ask him - worst he can do is say no, and while that will be difficult for a while it does get better (honest!).

As for your brother, it is probably something totally normal that we all go through - has it been going on for a while? If so then maybe try talking to your parents about it - XA04 had some reasonable suggestions

[Moonshade]

Well firstly congrats on graduating, that's a positive thing for sure

I think I know exactly where you are coming from with the up all night thinking thing..I was in a similar situation around a year ago, had this one person on my mind 24x7..was driving me crazy. Couldn't sleep, found it hard to concentrate on other things - for no logical reason. It's both horrible and wonderful at the same time, but there is only one quick solution - and that is to speak to the person your thinking about, no matter what you think they think about you. That's what I ended up doing, it took a heck of a lot of courage and effort from me, and gentle poking from a couple of mates..and I was rejected. I took it hard, and hell thinking about her is still difficult (not that I would ever show it)..not seen her for months now (moved away) but it got a lot easier after that phone call. It's crazy really considering how little I knew her..but there you go.

So the point of that story is to ask him - worst he can do is say no, and while that will be difficult for a while it does get better (honest!).

As for your brother, it is probably something totally normal that we all go through - has it been going on for a while? If so then maybe try talking to your parents about it - XA04 had some reasonable suggestions

Thanks for your reply, I didn't think anyone would answer, so I'm happy someone did.
Well, I've almost talked to him, but I just can't say it, we've been through so much and his my bestfriend...I just can't afford to lose him.

I would never forgive myself if he rejects me and then have a problem being around me, because of what I feel. If I was in love with somone less close, then I might have given it a try, but in this case...yeah, I think you might know what I mean...

The thing about my brother, is that his behaviour isn't normal and we've been in contact with the social service and the police. But that didn't really lead us to something. He is however going to a shrink, altough I don't think that is helping much either. But I'm trying to give it some time, since I know the situation, it's hard to open up to someone you don't know. He is better on holding in his anger, but he still gets this outburst on me...or sometimes my mother...but it's a bit better now. I don't know how to explain it better...

AX04- Thanks for your reply, as you can see above we've tried to battle this with my brother in all the ways possible. I just hope it works out sometimes...since the police can't do something apparently nor the social service.


Thanks for your support though, it means a lot to me, really!
-- Moonshade

[herbert_goon]

All I can say as a random bloke on the internet is try a bit of flirtin' with the guy. You know, flick your hair, smile, look into his eyes!

XA04 - remember the triangle? I think it's up to you to suggest it :-)

[XA04]

lol, I still don't know if that works...

[noah]

lol, that triangle again. i remember that saga - epic

[herbert_goon]

After 3....

Left eye. Right eye. Mouth.

Pure voodoo...

[Moonshade]

All I can say as a random bloke on the internet is try a bit of flirtin' with the guy. You know, flick your hair, smile, look into his eyes!

XA04 - remember the triangle? I think it's up to you to suggest it :-)

Yeah, I've tried that..and we've been quite close, I've slept at his place even in his bed. And he has kinda admitted that sometimes he has been "swept away" and gone farther than he intended to...he said that he didn't know why he did this or that...but just did it. After he of course apologised, since he thinks we're just friends. But I can't let go of the thought that it seems like when we start getting cosy he seems very comfortable in the situation and that he seems to let stuff happen or make things happen when we start. But when the situation ends...all the "magic" ends. I don't know if I'm making any sense...but maybe you understand...

What triangle?

-- Moon

[XA04]

I understand where your coming from, seems to be one of those things where you either stick with what you've got, or gamble to win or lose it all. If he has gone futher than he has wanted in the past, then maybe he does feel more for you than friends. Yes, he apologised and such, but he was probably just doing that so you didn't freak out.

Triangle thing was from a thread I made ages ago.. was about this girl at school and building up confidence.

[NightshadowUK]

Moonshade, sounds like you're in exactly the same situation as me.

The girl and I are stupidly close... things have happened off and on for a couple of years yet we're still just friends.

The first thing to do is discuss it with him, you know there's something there and from the sound of it so does he. Just ease it into conversation, be a bit flirty. You don't even have to come out with everything (i.e. 'I think I love you') - just be clever and see how he reacts.

[Moonshade]

I understand where your coming from, seems to be one of those things where you either stick with what you've got, or gamble to win or lose it all. If he has gone futher than he has wanted in the past, then maybe he does feel more for you than friends. Yes, he apologised and such, but he was probably just doing that so you didn't freak out.

Triangle thing was from a thread I made ages ago.. was about this girl at school and building up confidence.

Yeah, exactly...I mean that is what I want to think at least, although I don't know if that's the truth. I have been in this situation before, where a guy I fell for felt the same way for me, although he didn't tell me because he was scared. So we sneaked around each other for about 4-5 months without knowing what the other one felt. Although during these months I asked him if he felt something for me, but he kept denying it...over and over again, till I said: I love you. Then he actually admitted what he felt and we also kept cuddling and coming close...maybe it's the same situation. Although this guy that I've fallen for now, he helped me through last time...so it feels like he shouldn't put me through the same thing again, but I know he could be very scared.

For all I know, this is a mess and I'm trying to be positive about it...
I mean he could stay single for all I care, but he Can't find anyone else ...but of course I'd like him to be with me, but if it's not gonna turn out that way...he can't fall for someone else, then...I don't know what I'll do.

*going crazy!*

-- Moon

[Moonshade]

Moonshade, sounds like you're in exactly the same situation as me.

The girl and I are stupidly close... things have happened off and on for a couple of years yet we're still just friends.

The first thing to do is discuss it with him, you know there's something there and from the sound of it so does he. Just ease it into conversation, be a bit flirty. You don't even have to come out with everything (i.e. 'I think I love you') - just be clever and see how he reacts.

I've tried to hint it etc. And we've bought it up into conversation one night..when I said that I thought there were more feelings involved, but he denied that. And so I got a bit sad, and he again apologised for doing things that he didn't really "mean"...he said that he first hugged me to comfort me (since I was crying and being upset)...and why the other things that followed (just cuddling..etc) happend..he admitted he didn't know why it happend..

And maybe I should add that this guy is very, very shy so he doing all these things are Much! If it would have been anyone else, then I wouldn't have thought about these things at all...but since he is a guy who doesn't cuddle with just anyone, it feels like it should be something. And right now I wish for that more than anything...

(you might wanna read the things I wrote above this btw..)

If he is actually feelings something...( it's not just me thinking that, but some friends too, although they're not sure...maybe he isn't sure either)..it feels like we both speak in riddles. Maybe we're both trying to hint stuff? It also feels like he might say things and then like...stop himself, like he feels he have gone too excited or too far.

He was dating a girl in our class before (now I've gradutated...but our old class) and it has been over between them for about 1½ year almost. The thing is that he seems to have a hard time letting her go. Although we've talked that over, and it might be that he just misses the feelings he had for her or got when he was with her, not her as a person. He has said so himself and that he wishes that he could move on...he just need to find a girl to do that with...

Why does love has to be so complicated? And maybe I should keep our relationship at friends because he's my best friend, so I don't risk ruining anything. But on the other hand...I do love him...

Sorry for my babbling.. I just want it to "sound" right, so nothing gets wrong...I have to make it clear for myself too at times..

-- Moon

[kasavien]

I've been in two similar situations. One where i've had a big crush on a friend from school, and one where a girl has had a crush on me. Both are now really good friends. With the girl that i had a crush on i do kind of regret not letting her know how i feel, and i still don't think she knows how i used to feel, she has a great boyfrined now, who i've met a few times and he's a fantastic bloke, who's really good for her, and i'm more than happy to still have her as a good friend. With the other girl, i knew she had feelings for me for quite a few years, but it wasn't until recently that i had to make things clear and i feel much better now that we both know that we'll never be more than good friends. But again she has a boyfriend now too, but i'm very happy for her because she's not had the easiest few months ans its good to see her happy.

That leaves me as the one still alone, but i'm happy, i believe that there's someone out there for everyone, and i'm still only young ish and i'm sure you''ll find the right person too whether it's this guy or not.

So having said that i think the best advice i can give is that you only live once, so try to live without having regrets, which is a good thing to aim for but its not always possible, like i said above because i have my regrets too.

Hopefully this will help, otherwise i hope things work out for you.

Andy

[Moonshade]

So having said that i think the best advice i can give is that you only live once, so try to live without having regrets, which is a good thing to aim for but its not always possible, like i said above because i have my regrets too.

Hopefully this will help, otherwise i hope things work out for you.

Andy

Thanks Andy, I've been trying to think like that myself, but it's hard sometimes. I'm aware (somwhere inside of me) that if this doesn't work out, I'm gonna find someone else. But as for right now, when I'm feeling like I am...it's really hard to think like said above. Since I do really love this guy, very, very much! And he hasn't find another girl, but is open for suggestions, so I guess I won't really let go until he find someone else...and right now, I don't want to think about the fact that he might meet another gal. But of course I want him to be happy, and if he finds happiness with someone else...yeah, well I bet I'll be happy somewhere and I'll try to show that towards him. But, I want him to be happy with me, and I guess that might be a bit selfish...but love'll do that to you..I guess.

We'll see what happens....