You’ve all probably been there, you all seen it before.
You buy a new bit of kit, slap it in your machine and boot up to then see Windows demand you re-activate it.
I’ve had it in the past without ever actually putting any new kit in the machine!
Once, a while back, in a rather feminine surge of enthusiasm, I decided I wanted to utterly strip my machine down and clean it out. I dismantled everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING.
My Coolermaster 201 was completely and utterly gutted, every screw that could come out was removed, everything that I could unbolt was unbolted. All that was left was the pop riveted carcass and I even toyed with drilling them out but was stopped by the morbid fear of having a very expensive jigsaw to reassemble.
I even took the heatsink off my graphics card, cleaned it, reapplied thermal paste and put that back together. My Zalman Flower CPU heatsink had its normal rinse in the dishwasher (which works a treat) and was drying on the radiator.
As I was running a striped raid array I’d even been overly cautious and labelled the SATA cables so the right drive went back in the right SATA port on my mainboard (after I’d remounted the Northbridge cooler, of course.
Everything single thing went back in as it had come out, except this time it had the AutoGlym showroom shine to it of a newly built system.
Come time to boot up and once the post screen had gone and the Windows XP bar was loading, I exhaled that pent up, slightly nervous breath of those who’re sure they’ve got it all assembled properly but are still wondering how they’ve got three screws left over…
And sure enough, Windows XP loads and then up comes the message “Windows has detected a major hardware change and must be re-activated”.
What?
A major hardware change? Since when does removing a kilo of dust count as being a major hardware change? How long has taking care of my system counted as being a major hardware change? Granted, actually opening my case, looking at all the dust and deciding to do something about it is a major attitude change, but how the hell can Windows detect that?
Of course, I had to go through the rigmarole of calling up Microsoft, only to be told that I had a dodgy version of XP and there was nothing they could do for me.
I beg your pardon? A pirated version of XP? I’m sitting there with the bloody license in my hand, taken from the handy cellophane wrapped manual from the box I bought the damn software in!
But all was not lost as an online activation went through smoother than a greased polecat sliding down a Teflon coated pole.
But not so this morning.
You see, I’m now running Windows Media Centre 2005 Edition.
About two months ago I built a completely new system, new CPU, GFX, mainboard, PSU, memory, HDDs, the lot. All that came from my old system was the case, one (blank) HDD and one DVD burner.
The install of MCE went off without a hitch, as did the activation and everything was running smoothly… until this morning, that is.
I’d decided that 1Gb of ram wasn’t enough, not when the machine would be used as a media hub AND as a workstation, so I purchased another two 512Mb sticks of ram and this morning popped them into the mainboard.
I booted up Windows to find that adding two sticks of memory is regarded by Microsoft as being “a major hardware change” and now I need to reactivate Windows… I only bloody installed it two months ago!
So I try an online activation, which fails and it advises me to mail MS customer services, call the number listed or leave it all until later.
I opt for the latter as I need to get some work done and then find a little star has appeared on my system tray… a quick click on that and I’m told that I can now go off and buy a genuine copy of Windows if I’d like to.
Hang on, “a Genuine copy of Windows”…. this IS genuine copy of bloody Windows! Not only is it a genuine bloody copy of Windows, it’s a two month old genuine bloody copy of Windows! But no, the annoying star isn’t having any of it, I ,as Microsoft subtly put it, “may be a victim of piracy”. Which, to put it another way, says, “You’re using dodgy software, we know it, you know it and now you’re buggered as you’ve got to buy it!”.
Sod that.
Strangely enough, clicking the links helpfully provided by the annoying star, don’t actually help at all. The FAQs focus, deliberately naively, on how on earth this terrible pirated software came to be installed and how, with just a quick purchase of a new license, everything will be alright.
Not once do any of the ‘help’ links or FAQs pose the question “What if I’ve got the very license the disks came with but your system has got it wrong?”
So I called the activation number. Finding this is a bit of chore in itself as the system tray star, which is so keen to tell you you’ve got pirated software is more than a little unhelpful in telling you how to go through the activation process again if you elected to activate later, it just keeps plugging you through to buy a new license.
So, I call the number and find the toll free number isn’t in use… how very kind.
So now I call the national rate number, promising myself that I’m not going to get angry that I’m now paying Microsoft by the minute to let me use something I’ve already paid for. And boy, how many minutes was that?
Well first off, you have to enter the product ID code supplied on the screen when your online activation fails. Now I can understand wanting to stop people just guessing a random group of number, but come on, nine groups of six numbers? NINE?
By my reckoning the possible permutations of the numbers 0 to 9 over a 54 digit sequence equals something in the region of 86,839,771,951,000,000 variations… So perhaps a 54 digit sequence is tad overkill, or are Microsoft really planning on selling over a BILLIARD (yes, that is the official name for a number that large!) copies of Windows MCE 2005 Edition?
So I dutifully punch in the 54 digits using my phone, aware all the time that I’m paying for the privilege of activating software I already legally own to then have the system again tell me that it cannot activate the bloody thing!
I hold, (still paying!), and get put through to Jeswanda or Jesmeira, I’m not too sure which, the line from Delhi was a bit crackly…
So, having passed the usual pleasantries of how hot the weather is, how dusty it is and how those bloody mini-cab motorbikes are getting worse, I gave her the first 6 digits of my product ID and this, it appears, was enough.
She asked me if I had just installed the software on another computer and I told her all I had done was add some more ram.
She asked if I had used the software on another computer (surely the same question as before, just worded differently?) to which I again said that all I had done was add more ram to the original system the software had been installed on.
Had I just re-installed the software?
No. I just added more ram.
What about a new install, had I just done that?
No, I just opened my case up and added more ram.
Am I using just that PC with that software?
Erm, look, we covered this already didn’t we? I just added some more ram and now, apparently, I’m a pirate.
Are you a pirate?
What? No! I was just saying that the annoying star thing says I’m a pirate!
Oh, you just said you were a pirate?
No, I said the star thing accused me of a being a pirate, all because I added some more memory!
Oh ok. Well here’s your activation code…
And finally, I get my activation code.
So, herewith is the lesson.
If you buy a new bit of kit for your PC, be ready to have MS tell you that either you’re a pirate or someone you know is a pirate.
But take heart, because even though MS forces you to ring them up for a cosy chat, at least you can find out where the best bars in Delhi are...