helping with bereavement

[ik9000]

hey folks, just had my nan die today. Bit worried about my old man - any tips on how best to support him much appreciated. Anyone been through this? what are the points he's going to need most support + in what kind of way etc?

thanks all,

[GoNz0]

leave him be, that's all i wanted when i lost my mum. he will deal with it how he wants to.

the more you fuss the more you will piss him off :|

[ik9000]

fair point - and it's what I'm currently doing. But I was wondering is there going to be a point when actually he will want some support? He's not the best at letting people in on what's going on inside if you know what I mean...

[Splash]

It's a tricky one, as people deal with the passing of someone they're close to in different ways. Some (like Gonzo) prefer to be alone and work through it themselves, others prefer to keep busy and others want to surround themselves with their friends and family. My personal advice would be to make sure he knows where you are if he needs you, and leave it at that: he'll come to you when he's ready.

Sorry to hear of your loss though, never a pleasant thing to happen.

[GoNz0]

actually after work gave me the rest of the week off paid to sort out the arrangements i went back to work and got on with it, people fussing didn't help matters so I didn't want it. if he want's to be left alone then try to carry on as normal, he is probably more worried about you at the moment.

ask (once you feel the times right) if he would like you to sort the funeral arrangements, this is one of the biggest weights you can take off his shoulders, my Dad wasn't capable of doing anything, he wanted no one round but I didn't turn people away when they came.

play it by ear.

[Andeh13]

Really sorry to hear it mate, lost my Grandma before Christmas. I give my Grandad a ring every few days for a quick chat. He is Scottish and pretty locked up but I know he is still suffering inside!

[fuddam]

Yep, helping sort out the funeral / doing that bit is probably one of the biggest things you can do to help.

Also (and when/whether you do this depends), sometimes just going to sit and read a book in that person's presence does wonders. No talking, no fussing, nothing, just being there. Or watch TV quietly.

just my 2c

[MarkyH]

Bit late to this but I'd say stick to helping with practical things at first. That generation aren't great at talking, maybe start a conversation talking about happy memories of her, things you can smile/laugh about. You'll soon know if he doesn't want to talk.
Sometimes the best things is to just leave someone alone.

[Lurchibles]

I know I'm late to the party on this one, massively. But I really hope things are going well and that your family are doing OK