Is my Personal Statement ok?

[unreal]

Small favour if any of you guys are bored, can you tell me if my personal statement is OK? I plan to send the application off like today or within the next few days...

The maximum character amount (with spaces) is 4000, and I'm just over 3000, and a maximum of 47 lines of which I've filled 37. Is it worth stuffing more information in there?

Anyways here it is, mucho thanks to anyone who replies

(BTW I'm going into Illustration at hopefully Loughborough, Brighton... and another which I have to pick, all via Route B in UCAS which is basically the Art and Design area)

Prior to joining the Art Foundation course, I have always enjoyed drawing and art in my personal life. I have taken part in online art communities sharing other’s art, and organizing private life drawing sessions as I have a particular interest in portraying the human form.
I use the opportunity of living in London as a chance to visit exhibitions and see actual works of other artists. The recent Rodin exhibition was one of my favourites, and seeing his work encouraged me to stay with my own means of expression and style, and to try to make my own work innovative and original.

Currently I am enjoying exploring various techniques and materials through drawing, painting and experimenting and adapting photos with my drawings. I have also enjoyed learning how to use software like Photoshop and Illustrator.
During my A-Levels I studied both Fine Art and Product Design. They both correlated into each other and demonstrated how art is not only limited to a canvas – it can include diverse subjects like marketing, packaging and architectural design as well as Fine Art. I find it very exciting that art can be combined with the whole world around us, and it’s a challenge to explore artistic possibilities everyday on my course.

My confidence has been improved through discussing my work within a group as well as having open-topic discussions about art pieces; it’s interesting to see how each person translates images like a private language, as well as comparing it to your own. Currently in Art Foundation, my favourite sessions are life drawing and digital art/Photoshop lessons.

In addition to my interest in Art, I enjoy making music. Music production and Engineering has been a hobby I’ve been developing for over 3 years and has provided me with some limited financial support. I enjoy it because it extends my creative reach, and I get to collaborate with people from all over the world to create something amazing from nothing. I also have an interest in PC building, getting my hands dirty with computer hardware and software. I get a lot of satisfaction through achieving and learning, which is why when I became a prefect in both my secondary school and my Sixth Form, they were important elements to me.

I also love travelling to South-East Asia, in particular to the Philippines and Singapore – there is so much I could write about the two countries I could make a book about it. But for countries so close together they are worlds apart – I’m still amazed at how Singapore is maintained, it’s such a clean and organized country with a radically booming business world. They’re both beautiful countries, with rich artistic cultures.

Having experienced a range of options on my Foundation Course, I firmly believe that Illustration is the definite path for me. I want to pursue this at Degree level because I am open to enhancing and learning new skills, as well as having the rewarding experience of being an undergraduate. With my level of enthusiasm for drawing and other core elements of Illustration, I believe I can bring good work ethics and a friendly face to the course.

[toolsong]

Three bits stood out that could be reworded.

“They both correlated into each other” – In this context, “both” seems superfluous after “they” and same for “into each other” after “correlated”. I get what you mean but it contains extra words of the same meaning which is repetitious.


“I get a lot of satisfaction through achieving and learning, which is why when I became a prefect in both my secondary school and my Sixth Form, they were important elements to me.”

What is the link between the two elements in this sentence: “achieving and learning being important” vs “being a prefect”?


“I believe I can bring good work ethics and a friendly face to the course.”

May be better with “a strong work ethic”, I don’t normally see it written in plural as “ethics” in first person.

[unreal]

OOO Thanks ! I want to fix as many things as possible, I owe you one sir *buys virtual pint for toolsong*

I've finally decided on UCE Birmingham for my 3rd choice, it seems pretty awesome that I wouldn't mind it as my second.

EDIT: The prefect thing was an example of my satisfaction for acheivement, but I didn't have a satisfaction for learning example set up. Shall I try and reword it or is it worth putting down an extra example?

[unreal]

Doesn't matter I think I'm happy with it now, I changed that line to;

"I get a lot of satisfaction through achieving and learning, for example, when I became a prefect in both my secondary school and my Sixth Form, they were important achievements to me."

Now, wish me luck ladies n gents ^_^.

[midzt]

Hey, sorry havent read your personal statement, but if you come Lufbra, i may be seeing you around next year! Ill add something more constructive later, gotta go lecutre :O

Just gave it a quick readover, seems like a pretty good personal statement tbh, shows our passion for the subject and that you should be very compaple in doing it. I cant really add anymore, much better than the one I wrote. Good luck with your application.