Bizarre telling off

[Rave]

I had a frankly very odd experience today. Before I tell the story I think it's as well to point out that IRL I am an inoffensive looking, and TBH generally inoffensive bloke of nearly 31. I say this because over the years it has become apparent to me that my online persona (coupled with my frowny avatar, which is a pic of me taken aged 22, having a laugh shaving off a beard in stages), might lead people to think that I'm some sort of argumentative headbanger. Like I say, IRL I wouldn't say boo to a goose.

So anyway, I went on a booze cruise today, via a Dover - Calais ferry. The way it works at Dover is that when you roll up, the first stop point you approach is a load of French immigration control passport booths- lights direct you to the ones that are open, normally only 2. I chose a lane and hoped for the best. As it happened, I chose correctly; my lane moved along, while the other remained stationary. When I got to the front, it seemed that the holdup in the other queue was caused by a Ford Torneo full of women in headscarves. If I may be permitted a rolleyes here, French + Mulsims = .

The Frenchman on my side inspected our passports and let us through. On the other side of the French booths are a row of English passport control booths. As a regular booze-cruiser, I have never seen them even occupied until today- I've always assumed that the policy is that if the French are happy to let them in, we're happy to let them leave. Aparently not- today they were occupied and checking passports as assiduously as the French. After I'd got through the French section, I saw that there were two motorcyclists and another car in the queue ahead of me. Looking round, I saw that the French were still 'talking to' the muslims- Quelle Surprise TBH . So I thought, IMO quite reasonably, that I'd save myself and everyone else some time, and scoot my car round to the other UK booth. The space in between was painted with yellow cross hatchings. I wanged it round in short order, and in my enthusiasm, coupled with the tight turning circles involved, managed to slam my NSF tyre into the curb outside the other booth. It jolted my passenger, but no harm was done. The guy behind the window took our passports with a face like thunder and told me to 'go and park over there'. So I pulled up out of the way and waited for a telling off. I got out of my car and 20s later the guy walked out of the booth, walked up to me, and handed me our passports.

This is how the conversation went. I will star out the profanities uttered by my adversary in defiance of Hexus rules, because they were uttered by a crown servant, and the whole point of this thead is how I was treated- I didn't swear at all throughout the whole exchange. But equally, I should make it clear that the guy I tangled with was properly wound up- very angry. I would have felt threatened if I wasn't 5'11 and a moderate hardarse.So, here it goes:

Sorry about that mate.

What are you apologising for?

Bumping my tyre into your booth

Now I know you're going to walk away calling me a W***ker and a jobsworth <stops for confirmation, I shrugged>.....<he stopped to gather his thoughts>....but we're British and we stay in queues <I shrugged again despite my better judgement>. Now can you not see the yellow hatchings over there? They mean stay in lane do they not?...<<rants on in this vein for some time>>...now your not the first person to do it, and you won't be the last...

If it's a regular problem, would it not be a good idea to put some signs up?

Well right to your f***ing MP then!

At that point I saw that the guy had lost it, and just said whatever he wanted to hear so that I could get out of there ASAP. But I found the incident quite disturbing; for a start, I don't think I did anything wrong, and even if I had, I don't think it justified anything like the level of anger and hostility I got from this guy. And while I personally as a Londoner can't usually utter more than two sentences without swearing, I don't think he should have sworn at me either. TBH I wish I'd taken the guy's details so that I could complain about it.

[finlay666]

Actually a solid white line means stay in lane

Yellow hatching means only go over it if your exit is clear (not to stop on it)

Shows that him queueing normally on a British road would mean he is breaking the law

Stuff queues, queues where people are faffing on or taking a long amount of time, I'll move to a different queue

TBH if I got someone like that I would have kicked off, but people know what I am like when I get bad service, I make a point of letting others know (among other things).... http://forums.hexus.net/nintendo-gam...ml#post1931241

[Rave]

Edited to finish story, last night I passed out while typing it, not sure how I hit post TBH

Actually a solid white line means stay in lane

Yellow hatching means only go over it if your exit is clear (not to stop on it)

Yes quite, sadly that occurred to me only when I'd parked up in the ferry queue.

[handscombmp]

Yes quite, sadly that occurred to me only when I'd parked up in the ferry queue.

The best retorts to say back always come later and never at the moment you need them

You probaly coudl complain as they may keep a record of who was working in which booth at what time.

The shouldn't have been swearing though or even kicking off as the represent our country.

[lazer]

You should have told him the 2nd word was off.

[shadowmaster]

I would have told him to go **** himself, then lock the doors and put the music up loud.

[MadduckUK]

I would have told him to go **** himself, then lock the doors and put the music up loud.

made me think of
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx6216M9LSw

[Rave]

The best retorts to say back always come later and never at the moment you need them

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier

You probaly coudl complain as they may keep a record of who was working in which booth at what time.

The shouldn't have been swearing though or even kicking off as the represent our country.

I had initially assumed that the guy was a copper. Upon inspecting his uniform, it seemed that he was an employee of Kent Police, probably a civilian. But he mentioned that he had been told to give me a telling off by his 'Sergeant'. With the benefit of hindsight, I should have had a word with him/her. But hey ho.

In fairness, I must say that I do have a problem with border control staff in general- I was extremely unamused when I landed from a flight that had been diverted from Luton to Birmingham because of snow, and had then sat on the runway for an hour because of a lack of capacity on a Sunday night- and then STILL had to wait another 40 minutes in passport control while two staff assiduously checked everyone's passports. I was a small mindflip away from standing up on the railings and shouting "There's 500 of us, and two of them! Screw this, let's go!!!!". It goes without saying, of course, that I don't care about illegal immigrants in the slightest.

But then just to confound my expectations, the queue at Calais on the way back, which is usually very slow, and usually staffed by extra miserable people, moved pretty quickly- and the guy at the desk gave us a friendly smile and greeting, checked our passports very efficiently, and wished us a pleasant evening.

[Zak33]

great story cos it'll never occur again in your lifetime

randomness like that was put here, in humanity, to feed the likes of Billy Connolly (and me) for drunken tales of woe....