the clean version for the kiddies around
Taoism: Crap happens.
Buddhism: If crap happens, it's not really crap.
Zen: What is the sound of crap happening?
Confusianism: Confucius says: crap happens
Islam: If crap happens, take a hostage.
Protestantism: Crap happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Crap happens because you're bad.
Judaism: Why does crap always happen to us?
Hare Krishna: Crap happens rama rama.
TV Evangalism: Send more crap.
Atheism: No crap.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good crap happening.
Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, crap happens.
Christian Science: Crap happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe crap happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism: This crap doesn't bother me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this crap.