A question for those in a serious relationship.

[Zak33]

.....nodding while she talks works best. Woman don't care what you say they just like to rant.

That doesn't work

If it DOES work then you might as well dress up as a penguin and dance a merry ditty cos she's not interested in the reply

If I nodded but didn't take it all in I'd be toast !

[Behemoth]

Mate I'm really made up for you :-)
I know you're trying hard, you deserve it to go well

If you do move in together make sure you both feel happy about it in your heads and in your hearts then go full tilt into it cos then its all or nowt

But .... Keep your bank account seperately , share bills sensibly by having half the direct debits in one name half in the other and only share finance on big stuff like mortgage / rent. Maje sure that's in both names.

Keep money split. Presents are easier, sunrises and holidays easier. And you keep balanced as two people. Cos you are still two people

I'm SO glad my misses agreed to keep our account split. We still go through our shared finances together but never look at each others credit cards/ statements etc unless we bed advice in remembering what we bought!

Thanks matey

I really am looking forward to the future with Donna, she is essentially the female version of me. She actually told me last night that if I wanted to change my mind about moving in with her that it was fine. I ointwd out that I didn't want to change my mind, its what I want in my head and my heart and I'd be damn silly to walk away from her.

I know things won't be easy, and I know she is used to dealing with things on her own, so am I in all fairness, but we don't have to do things on our own, and well as the bank accounts go I think it will stay as they are and we take out a joint account to pay the bills into and from etc. We've spent alot of time talking this weekend, yesterday for an hour making sure moving in together is what we both want and then again today she sort of surprised me actually. I always thought neither of us wanted to have kids till she said today that if I wanted them she could be persuaded to change her mind ! But that one is a discussion for another day.

She's got some good ideas on how to make some extra money by being creative and doing things in the garden etc and she wants my help with that with computer side of things (websites etc)

More than anything I need to look to see how much notice I need to give on my current tennancy agreement with my flat mates, secondly we need to find a place that we both like, and I've promised to sell off my unused kit, so look in the for sale section over the next few days, Behemoth is having a clear out.

[melon]

Thanks matey

I really am looking forward to the future with Donna, she is essentially the female version of me. She actually told me last night that if I wanted to change my mind about moving in with her that it was fine. I ointwd out that I didn't want to change my mind, its what I want in my head and my heart and I'd be damn silly to walk away from her.

I know things won't be easy, and I know she is used to dealing with things on her own, so am I in all fairness, but we don't have to do things on our own, and well as the bank accounts go I think it will stay as they are and we take out a joint account to pay the bills into and from etc. We've spent alot of time talking this weekend, yesterday for an hour making sure moving in together is what we both want and then again today she sort of surprised me actually. I always thought neither of us wanted to have kids till she said today that if I wanted them she could be persuaded to change her mind ! But that one is a discussion for another day.

She's got some good ideas on how to make some extra money by being creative and doing things in the garden etc and she wants my help with that with computer side of things (websites etc)

More than anything I need to look to see how much notice I need to give on my current tennancy agreement with my flat mates, secondly we need to find a place that we both like, and I've promised to sell off my unused kit, so look in the for sale section over the next few days, Behemoth is having a clear out.

Prepare for hell !!

m

[Behemoth]

Prepare for hell !!

m

It will only be hell if we let it. We had a very long talk yesterday afternoon and so long as we communicate and continue to be honest with each other I don't ever see there being much of a problem.

The kids thing is something to be reviewed at another time we may find we are happy just being with each other and in all fairness for the the time being that's how I want things to stay. We need to give us a chance before we bring a kid into this world.

[melon]

It will only be hell if we let it. We had a very long talk yesterday afternoon and so long as we communicate and continue to be honest with each other I don't ever see there being much of a problem.

The kids thing is something to be reviewed at another time we may find we are happy just being with each other and in all fairness for the the time being that's how I want things to stay. We need to give us a chance before we bring a kid into this world.

And what would you do if she were to fall ill or become disabled next month or 5 yrs from now ?

m

[deejayburnout]

And what would you do if she were to fall ill or become disabled next month or 5 yrs from now ?

m

Mr Negativity !

What if she was promoted to a better job or won the lottery?

As long as you communicate with each other, every thing will be ok. My wife and i discuss the kids alot and as long as we agree on things there are no issues. As long as you both do the same you will be fine.

[melon]

Mr Negativity !

What if she was promoted to a better job or won the lottery?

As long as you communicate with each other, every thing will be ok. My wife and i discuss the kids alot and as long as we agree on things there are no issues. As long as you both do the same you will be fine.

What if she was promoted to a better job or won the lottery?

they are things that are not going to change her physically ,and how she functions or looks , but death will ..


Death is inevitable sooner or later - luck is not.


m

[TheAnimus]

And what would you do if she were to fall ill or become disabled next month or 5 yrs from now ?

Then what a godsend that they hadn't brought children in to the world, which would make it immesnly more stressful whilst going through such a transition.

[melon]

Then what a godsend that they hadn't brought children in to the world, which would make it immesnly more stressful whilst going through such a transition.

The kids thing is something to be reviewed at another time we may find we are happy just being with each other and in all fairness for the the time being that's how I want things to stay.

You cant prepare for death

at least not that way..

m

[TheAnimus]

So what... you'd be dead without passing on your failed genetic makeup.... How sad!

[melon]

So what... you'd be dead without passing on your failed genetic makeup.... How sad!

and how would you know if your dead - or care what was passed on ?

m

So what... you'd be dead without passing on your failed genetic makeup.... How sad!

I think its sad how someone would want to overpopulate the planet for personal gain.

m

[jimbouk]

Ugh, can a mod please clean up this topic. This was an interesting read until a certain 'm' started spouting. Back on the ignore list for you...

[melon]

Ugh, can a mod please clean up this topic. This was an interesting read until a certain 'm' started spouting. Back on the ignore list for you...

You cant ignore Death

When you are part of it yourself

m

[peterb]

And what would you do if she were to fall ill or become disabled next month or 5 yrs from now ?

m

I don't think you can prepare for every eventuality - and much would depend on the level of disability, or illness. While any disability impinges on your own (and other) lives, the level varies. A progressive disease, such as MS or rheumatoid arthritis may, because it is prgressive, allow both parties to adjust. A terminal illness with a longish course may do the same, one with a short time to run may not.

Regardless of the unpredictability of the immediate future, I wish Behemoth a long anf happy time with his OH!

You cant prepare for death

at least not that way..

m

Well ypou can. Although there is debate about whether anticipatory grief makes the after death grieving process easier
, preparation for the death of a loved one can be a positive experience. In some ways, it is 'better' than sudden, unexpected death in that goodbyes can be said. It must be dreadful for relatives when someone goes out in the morning - never to return - and infinitely worse if the parting was on a bad note. Not that it matters to the victim, but for those who are still alive...

and how would you know if your dead - or care what was passed on ?

m

You wouldn't - but at the point of death, the slate is wiped clean for the dying. But for the survivors, it is different. Funerals aren't for the deceased, they are for the living, to help come to terms with the loss.

You cant ignore Death

When you are part of it yourself

m

Of course not, but we tend to believe we are immortal (when we are young) and life is for living, not for preparing to die!

[peterb]

Ugh, can a mod please clean up this topic. This was an interesting read until a certain 'm' started spouting. Back on the ignore list for you...

Well it still is interesting! Death will affect us all - eventually - but as I said earlier, life is for living, and I am very happy for behemoth! Good luck and enjoy the present moment!

[Simon B]

I though this was an interesting thread till a certain m started spreading muck aswell, peterb if I can have sent you a PM about my locked down account - can't work out whats going on - Behemoth with a econd account for the moment.