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I've been watching the Paralympics on the TV lately, and as well as being amazed at the quality of the events (these geezers could out run me!) I have to raise a point - the events are not fair!
What I mean is, there doesn't seem to be any categorisation according to severity of injury or disability. So, for instance, in the Blind 100 meter race, the race is made of proper blinds, and then just partially sited people. Now, the real blinds have to have another bloke tied to them with a bit of string, like a giant mitten, so they don't 'veer' into another lane and knock over another racer, but the partially sited cheats can just leg it down the track, free from this, and win by 94 meters.
I mean, if it’s the blind 100 meters, you should be blind! Not partially sited; have a partially sited 100 meters as well. For starters, what if the bloke tied to the blind bloke isn't as fast? Is the string elasticated? It would have to be, or the blind runner might outrun his guide, and get pulled back.
Elasticated string sound good, but it would twang back and hit the blind on the wrist when the race finishes, giving him a nasty red mark! He's already blind, have they no mercy! Know they not compassion? Drink they not from the cup of human kindness (Yes, its got milk in...)?
Personally, I'd be a bit annoyed if I lost the race to a partial sited glory hunter, looking for a Gold medal by beating blind athletes, I mean, where does it end? What about someone who's a bit short sited? Can he have a crack? What about a man with a sty, a really nasty one? Can he enter? A bloke who can only afford crapo nation health specs? Does he count as disabled?
Can you imagine the poor blind bloke, he's been training all that time for his moment of glory, all those miles on the treadmill, the months of dedication and effort; he takes his place on the start line, the starter raises his pistol, and their off! The blind runs like he's never ran before, its over in a flash, the blind gasps for breath, exhausted after giving it his all.
Eventually he regains his composer and asks his minder (who’s still only half way down the track - he's there for the cash and to get on the new series of 'Hearts of Gold', he doesn't give a monkies about the runner) "Did I win?". Imagine the look on his poor face when the minder shouts back "No Ted, the French entry won it". "Is he blind?" enquires Ted. "No mate... he's got a black eye though, quite a bad one."
Ted would, quite rightly, be less than pleased with this; he's been cheated of his moment of glory, and then, to add insult to injury, TWANG, he gets a nasty red mark on his wrist!
It's less than fair, it really is, considering this is the blind race; the proper blind people have at least made the effort.
Its not just the track events either, I watched the Swimming as well, and it was just as unfair. Blokes with no arms race against bloke with... ARMS! Now, I'm no expert when it comes to swimming, but I'd take a wild stab in the dark that arms are considered an advantage, but they all race together; two armed, one armed and no armed people.
The race I watched was won by some bloke who clearly had two arms and two legs, and he creamed all these others, who had less than 4 functioning limbs. Smug look on his face as well when he finished; like a dad who's just beat his young son in a race at the local swimming baths.
Surly you should be categorised by the amount of functioning limbs you have? Ok, so it means some tricky sub-categories, like the bloke with one leg off at the knee, the other at the hip, but extremely long and functioning arms - but its nothing a simple points system couldn't fix.
3 points per uninterrupted 10" of leg, 2 per arm of the same length, and a bonus if they've got thumbs. Then you put everyone who gets 5-10 in a race, everyone who gets 15-20, etc. At least old smug chops can't brag about winning the Gold by 8 minutes, without mentioning that he had more arms than everyone in the race. That's like beating Sir Bobby Robson at Trivial Pursuits... it's not fair and you know it! He's old and frail of mind.
Personally, I think the one-armed swimmer and Ted should form some sort of protest group, demanding that they race against people who are at least as disabled as them, I mean, they run \ swim their heart out, and cross the line sweating like Rodney King in Abu Ghraid prison, only to be beaten by some smug git with a Chinese burn!
That's not a disability, its an inconvenience!
If there simply aren't enough athletes to make the category and sub-category system outlined above workable, then what about a simple handicap (excuse the pun) system? That way, everyone can race in the same event, but the field will be even. Now obviously, you can just tie a saucepan or something to the smug swimmers ankle before the race, or even just give him a few digs to knock the enthusiasm out of him, but that’s a drastic solution and I can’t see the IAAF appointing ‘Rough Up’ officials, wouldn’t look good would it?
Also, can you imagine being asked in a pub or something what your job was? “Oh, I punch disabled athletes before important races to try and slow them down”. Not good. So, what have we established? Well, you can’t punch someone in the neck just because he can see out of one eye, that’s what. So we need to look at more suitable methods.
Perhaps we could just make the whole Olympic experience easier for the proper disabled athletes and not quite so good for the glory hunting people with a nasty bout of RSI?
Little things, like giving the proper blind the best room in the hotel with a big plate of Chocolate Hob Nobs, whilst the glory hunter has to make do with a plate of Crawford’s Coconut Rings? It would have only a small effect, but every second we can even up is a second closer to justice.
What do we think?
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Which is not very good. Maybe they should have mechanical devices to guide them...
Originally Posted by dkmech
