To the citizens of the United States of America .....

[dazedhorizon]

Notice of Revocation of Independence

To the citizens of the United States of America

In the light of your recent failure to elect a reasonable President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today...

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (Tony Blair for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid to the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and ineffective form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

* There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

* You should learn to distinguish between English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

* Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast English actors as the good guys.

* You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after carrying out task one. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

* You will no longer be allowed to play American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. Instead you should play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour like Nancies).

* You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. (Merde is French for "sh*t".)

* The fourth of July is no longer a public holiday. The 3rd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Stupidity Day".

* All American cars are hereby banned. They are rubbish, and it is for your own good. When we show you German Cars, you will understand what we mean.

* Tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

We thank you for your co-operation.

Sorry if in wrong forum just found it funny

[shiato storm]

LOL... top stuff.

[Daymonkey]

Lol, great

[nichomach]

Read this and weep...

Apprently, Sweden doesn't have an army, for instance...

In the summer of 2002, after I had written an article in Esquire that the White House didn't like about Bush's former communications director, Karen Hughes, I had a meeting with a senior adviser to Bush. He expressed the White House's displeasure, and then he told me something that at the time I didn't fully comprehend -- but which I now believe gets to the very heart of the Bush presidency.

The aide said that guys like me were ''in what we call the reality-based community,'' which he defined as people who ''believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.'' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ''That's not the way the world really works anymore,'' he continued. ''We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.''...And for those who don't get it? That was explained to me in late 2002 by Mark McKinnon, a longtime senior media adviser to Bush, who now runs his own consulting firm and helps the president. He started by challenging me. ''You think he's an idiot, don't you?'' I said, no, I didn't. ''No, you do, all of you do, up and down the West Coast, the East Coast, a few blocks in southern Manhattan called Wall Street. Let me clue you in. We don't care. You see, you're outnumbered 2 to 1 by folks in the big, wide middle of America, busy working people who don't read The New York Times or Washington Post or The L.A. Times. And you know what they like? They like the way he walks and the way he points, the way he exudes confidence. They have faith in him. And when you attack him for his malaprops, his jumbled syntax, it's good for us. Because you know what those folks don't like? They don't like you!'' In this instance, the final ''you,'' of course, meant the entire reality-based community.

[dazedhorizon]

''You were right,'' he said, with bonhomie. ''Sweden does have an army.''

lmao

[myth]

[dazedhorizon]

sorry myth

all a bit of fun

[MAS]

Hah, awesome

[Twigman]

its great

[Zedmeister]

* You will no longer be allowed to play American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. Instead you should play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour like Nancies).

Too right! Let em play rugger for a while!

[Lee H]

Quality

too true about the "soccer" and rugby though