Horrible Domestic Situation

[rc55]

Good evening all,

I'm in a pretty s***ty situation at the moment. Basically, I live in a shared house with two other people and I'm sharing an opinion with one of them that the other has to go.

The thing is, this guy is a bit of an a**h*** to deal with, always taking things personally so its very hard to speak to him reasonably, even more so to tell him that we don't like living with him at all.

So I'm pondering what I should do... perhaps give him an ultimatum from the both of us saying "Move out, or we move out", but then we lose the house which we really love, and have invested money decorating (he's done a little decorating, but mostly it's been self serving).

The other thing we could do is just leave, but we've lost the house. That really sucks.

We're thinking about writing him some kind of letter saying basically we didn't want to make it boil down to a horrible personal situation but I think that's inevitable, the guy's just given up smoking and drinking (4 months in), and I expect he was very depressed during and before that, so you get an idea of what we have to deal with. He's both aggressive and arrogant and very shy aswell, which is a real pain trying to get something through. He tends to dwell on situations on the negative.

So - essentially, what would be the best way to oust this guy from our house, or do we have to leave him with the house to find more housemates for himself?

It's a s***ty situation, any advice appreciated.

Cheers,

Ruairi

[SilentDeath]

doesnt it depend who owns the house? or is it all equaly shared? i dont think if its equal then u could just kik him out without him having back what he paid etc...

maybe he loves the house aswell???

obviosly i dont know what hes like to live with, but i expect he will tell u to fo however u ask him...

[shiato storm]

ah. dilema...

right heres what i think you should do, rather than appearing to gang up on this guy completely i think all of you should sit down and just talk over the situation. its tricky because of the wayyou share your house...i.e. he pays essentially 1/3 the rent, if so then legally he can chose to stay - yeah an arsehole can do that if they want...legally. if there's just one name on the 'deed/lease/property' etc. then that person can have a say as to who goes and who stays...technically its their house that way.
alternatively if you two can justify why you think it would be best for him to leave, then find that point and stick to it - don't keep changing it around. just explain to him that you don't think its working out the way it was intended, and suggest that he start looking for somewhere else to live... on the 2 against 1 view to the situation.
did you all three get the place at the same time or did you arrive at different times? because that will be a factor in what may happen. if one of you has been there longer then that person has a reasonably stronger arguement as to who stays/goes.


but yup - got yourself a tight spot there...
of course you could start taking an interest in men and eye him up every time you see him thus scaring him poo-less and eventually removing him from the house (use as a last resort only, and not out in public either)

[rc55]

We all arrived at the same time, so its tricky with that one. I know that he's probably quite keen on the house, but to be honest he doesn't really show that much emotion at all.

Ruairi

[Anders]

Well he’s not going to leave unless you tell him the truth I’m afraid. I take it this person isn’t a long time friend then? It depends if he has always been like this or is he just going through a real hard time at the moment? Depression affects one in four (I think, or it might be one in three) of us at some point during our life apparently. If it is a recent development with a friend then you really should help him out rather than kick him out.

You definitely want to check your legal position though. You don’t want to ask him to move out only to find that he has the power to kick you two out. From what you’ve said I'm guessing you pay rent three ways, rather than owning the house three ways?

I wouldn’t take an "interest" in him in the way "shiato storm" suggests, he might like it, and then you’ll be up a creek without a boat let alone a paddle.

[SilentDeath]

id just leave tbh.. its u (both of u) that have the problem and legaly u have no right to kick him out (from what uve said so far) and i dont think you should pressurise him or bully him into leaving esp if he is/was deppressed....

[rc55]

The truth by all means will be outed, I'm just curious as to the best strategy of dealing with this situation.

The main problem stems from a number of issues, which even if addressed wouldn't make us happy due to the legacy of what had gone wrong over time, and there would be something of a smell in the air.

Essentially, the general feel of the house that my flatmate I'm staying with was to have a house that cooked together, watched TV, went out, had a load of fun etc (we did recently have another flatmate who was also with us from the start), but this guy we want to leave has always been the black sheep, and I'm fed up with accomodating for him.

Whether it be him picking his feet or just moping around the house being a miserable tw*t its doing both of our heads in and I'm screaming for a bit of freedom.

Also, as an aside I run my own business from home and his job is flexitime, meaning he comes home most days at lunch at 12, then 2:30pm afterwards so he's always around and that's really annoying (not to mention him dialing porn lines on my phone, and getting a laptop and saturating my downstream with crappy Kazaa and Bit Torrent downloads).

</rant>

Ruairi

[rc55]

SilentDeath:

It's not bullying, its just approaching a situation, I'm not happy losing my own personal freedoms and "head space" to this loser.

I'm consulting my estate agent as to what rights I have and whether if I become the person in charge of the contract (Assuming I can take that role), so that I can oust him out of the agreement.

Ruairi

[DaBeeeenster]

Just dump all his stuff in a pile on the street when he is out. When he gets back pour petrol over it and if he makes a scene set it alight.

Actually, I think that might be a bit of an over-exaggeration

I'd talk to him face to face. A letter is a bit of an easy get out I reckon. If he gets upset just say to him straight that you dont want to talk to him when he is in a bad mood and leave the house for a couple of hours.

[rc55]

DaBeeeenster: Which is better, Diesel or Fourstar?

Dealing with him face to face is going to be a pain in the ass. Maybe we should I think... he just flies off the handle at these things like its some major personal attack or something.

(btw: love the site! )

[SilentDeath]

erm kicking him outa his home is a major personal attack tbh!!!!!!!

[Stringent]

Who are the bills addressed to in the house?

[Bazzlad]

come on man, give me a chance, I'm not THAT bad....I CAN CHANGE!!

[DaBeeeenster]

Originally posted by rc55
DaBeeeenster: Which is better, Diesel or Fourstar?

Dealing with him face to face is going to be a pain in the ass. Maybe we should I think... he just flies off the handle at these things like its some major personal attack or something.

(btw: love the site! )

I think face to face is better than with a letter - a letter is a bit of a cop out you know?

Just tell him and if he freaks out just leave the house for an hour or so until he has calmed down a bit.

[rc55]

The bills go to an external agency, its handled by our letting agent, we pay it as part of our rent.

Jeez, I couldn't sleep about it last night worrying about the best way to sort it.

Ruairi

[Lowe]

Originally posted by rc55
Which is better, Diesel or Fourstar?

4 Star - Diesel doesn't burn all that well.