Just been assaulted.....

[Moby-Dick]

Teepee - stop being quite so condescending. Any Sympthahy people may have had for what ever issues you have will drain away rapidly as a result of your "my life sucked more than yours" approach.

[shiato storm]

easy kids!
teepee was merely recounting his experiences to us so that we may see his point of view and where his comments are coming from. I don't think that he expects us to feel that 'his life sucks more' and, from what I can tell, he's just saying it how it was. sure sh*t happens but we move on.
now, in the case of mr donut it seems that the girl who struck out did so in a rather bizaare - and from the info we've been given - unprovoked attack. of course this is one side of the story as noted many times. this does not brand our mr donut a liar merely his experience of the situation is clearly different. had he struck her then what would we be saying now? 'how could you' would come in as much supply as the 'right on, go get her' so its quite a difficult thing to judge without actually witnessing the act.
I suspect mr donut just wants to know what everyone's views are on the matter - as he presented it - and, much like counciling, wants some reassurance or guidance as to the next best thing. perhaps because he knew there may be others who've experienced a similar situation and thus gain a bit of knowledge that way...
either way lets not turn this into a spat between eachother

[nameinuse]

Really the only way to make any progress is to sit down, on your own (I find being away from things and people helps, out in the country a bit, but that's just me. Go wherever you can get some clarity and space), and have a really good think about everything, and work out what you really feel.

If you can go forward with the relationship, that's fine, but I'm sure there are things you'll need from her, either reasurances that it won't happen again and conditions if it does, and explaination/appology, or other things.

If you have to end it, that's also fine. There are situations sometimes where even if you love someone a relationship with them is untennable. Ultimately the reationship is only about you and her, not what everyone else thinks. It's an (unspoken) contract between the two of you do behave in a certain way to each other, and if either of you break that you need to deal with what that means to the rest of the contract.

Do what you need to do for you.

[Nemeliza]

NEVER GO OUT WITH A MAD WOMAN!!!

Which only leaves the detruction of the human race.

They all crasy!

[Clstrphbc_donut]

Great way to show a girl how you feel... most would buy flowers, you call the police on her.

After your girlfriend stabbed you, did you run out and buy her flowers?

You had a fight, your friends think it's your fault and you throw a one-sided story on a forum, so that people will agree with you and ease your concience.

Well, it seems to have changed now. They are asking me if Im ok etc. and they are saying that she did have something (drug wise). They agree with me she always goes off the rails after a few drinks, and they also agree i did nothing wrong apart from argue back at her.

So keep your sympathy for yourself. And TBH i didnt expect nor want any sympathy, it makes me feel worse. I expected mature advice as I'm unsure as to whether I should give it another go or not.

I suspect mr donut just wants to know what everyone's views are on the matter - as he presented it - and, much like counciling, wants some reassurance or guidance as to the next best thing. perhaps because he knew there may be others who've experienced a similar situation and thus gain a bit of knowledge that way...

Thanks, thats exactly the case.

Also i realised before this wasnt the first time she had had a do at me. Once before she had had a drink and we argued. She ran at me so i pushed her onto the bed, to protect myself.

She wants to know whats happening, but i don't know yet, its going to take a lot of thinking. So for the moment we are talking things over on msn. At the moment i dont want to talk to her face to face as my heads a bit of a muddle.

[Moby-Dick]

understandably so.
but it sounds like you are at a bit of a junction in your relationship.

- does she give up getting into situations where she goes off the rails ( drink , drugs ) and you stay together?
- do you continue as you are and put up with it ?
- do you go your seperate ways ?

which ever one you choose I'm sure it wont be a snap decision.

[Mike Fishcake]

TeePee - acting as Devil's advocate is one thing, but in doing so, generally you have to come up with good reasons to the contrary, not ill-thought out arguments with more holes than Stewart's elusive crumpets.

You have (whether you intended to or not) admitted to a mistake on your part saying you enjoyed the physical abuse that you got. To any straight thinking person, that should be a glaring difference between yours and Donut's personalities. If you enjoyed it, then obviously your opinion is going to differ from his!

Donut has been hurt and shocked by what happened, and whilst I agree that relationships shouldn't be disposed of at the drop of a hat, it seems like more than just a hat that's been dropped here (if you pardon the clumsy metaphor).

Making rash assumptions on the legitimacy of the relationsip due to age and your personal experience is a completely innacurate and illogical way to come up with an alternative viewpoint.

I'm a master at sitting on the fence normally, I always make sure that I try to see all the points of view, and ok, so we haven't heard the woman's side of the argument, but unless Donut is completely outright lying, then I think it's a fairly safe bet that, even if the circumstances are slightly embellished, he has a perfectly ethically legitimate reason to think the way he does.

[TheAnimus]

I used to believe that hitting a woman was unacceptable under any circumstances, till a couple of incidents which were unprovoked. One involved a girl kicking off and repeatedly hitting me. I just took it and ran off. The second, and final time I ended up being stabbed. That opened my eyes somewhat.

There's also talk of "restraining" someone in a hold. This is a bit of a odd one. Yes, if you know what you're doing you get them into the restraint/lock and they're stuck, hopefully unable to hit or hurt you. But, what do you do then? Talk to them and try to calm them down? We've already established that they're under the influence of red mist... and this was how I ended up being stabbed. The restraint made things worse, and once I let go of the restraint, a weapon was found and ended up sticking in me. Luckily only my hand because I blocked the attack, but even so...

Bear that in mind the next time a female begins to kick off...

I like to think that when you get to the stage of hitting someone its unacceptable regardless of gender, i've always been taught not to hit someone enless i intend to kill/nock them out, with kill been the most likely, nocked out a plesent surprise.

Don't put someone in a restraint enless you can have them, i don't mean that in the common 14year old kockny boy way, i mean your stronger, know what your doing, and more sober. When its someone who is just upset and is still able to keep control, i'd say not to put them to the floor, a bench is good, you can have someone in an thumb elbow combo easily (my favourate hold as i have big arms + upper body strenght). This way you can relax a bit, whilst it might be safer to throw someone to the floor it might not be when you inevitably have to let go (which is when lowe got stabbed right?).

Now don't try this if your not confident, call the police, run, get help from random people/bouncers. Even a restraint will seam like an attack to someone when their in a red mist. My boss was told i hit one of my co-workers when i put them into a restraint (long ****ing anoying story).

But the fact remains you should never hit someone, enless you want to do serious harm. As i've said before i'm tall, i can out sprint most people, thats the best way, less trouble all round, except been ripped on for running away, but its better than having someone tell your boss you hit her, even thou theres no physical marks, and no matter what you say, they won't make it formal (so the aligations of assult can be proved false), so my only course would be to sue for deformation.

As for someone doing this, i think people have differen't ideas of whats happened, some clarification might be beneficail, i've had a girl slap me after i pulled her up on something she had done in a rather nasty manner, this was quickly followed by something which isn't suiteable for a family forum, but damnit it was hot.

[shiato storm]

...well, there are one of several things we can do right now,
grab a pitch fork, torches, pikes etc. each and gather together as a mob
build a log pile
erect the 'pond-dunking chair'
or get out the weighing scales and find a duck...

donut, give it time man, tell her you want a few days, the weekend?, to just think about things. then get back to her after, i thing doing something now might be too soon and force a descision not best though out (i could of course be wrong but then thats just me )

[TeePee]

So keep your sympathy for yourself. And TBH i didnt expect nor want any sympathy, it makes me feel worse. I expected mature advice as I'm unsure as to whether I should give it another go or not.

Ditto. I'm putting my remarks in cotrast to life experience.

After your girlfriend stabbed you, did you run out and buy her flowers?

That was a different person, a stranger, not my girlfriend. I broke her arm.

They agree with me she always goes off the rails after a few drinks, and they also agree i did nothing wrong apart from argue back at her.

Also i realised before this wasnt the first time she had had a do at me. Once before she had had a drink and we argued. She ran at me so i pushed her onto the bed, to protect myself.

This becomes a pattern of behaviour, rather than one sudden outburst. Now we are heading in the direction of domestic abuse. She drinks then gets violent. Actually this is a good thing, but it's up to you to let it be. If you really love this girl then you can fix things, tell her she has to stop drinking, stop yourself (!) and be prepared in your own head to blame her actions on the drink, rather than blaming her herself.

TeePee - acting as Devil's advocate is one thing, but in doing so, generally you have to come up with good reasons to the contrary, not ill-thought out arguments

Nothing ill thought out about it. Women are percieved as the weaker sex both by men and by women, and intent has to come in to it, and the reality is that the damage done to an abused woman is generally greater than that done to an abused man. Normally the man takes pleasure in beating a woman, often after an arguement and it can be a very cold act, it's about control. In contrast a woman who beats a man is normally at the climax of a raging arguement.

[TheAnimus]

In contrast a woman who beats a man is normally at the climax of a raging arguement.

You sure?
I was told exact opersite on our child protection courses, i was told they mostly hate themselfs for it, and will often hit her again because their so upset about hitting her the first time.

[Nick]

Simple fact is only Clstrphbc_donut can make the decision, regardless of what we say.

Using the forums as a sounding board is a good idea though.

Personally, I'd break off the relationship, regardless of how I felt... But that's just the way I am and the way my personality is. If my girlfriend went for me, and I'm not talking about the odd slap for saying or doing something totally outrageous (we ALL know when we've deserved one of THOSE slaps), but if she full on went for me, I'd be off, as simple as as that.

Obviously, being married is a different matter and just buggering off isn't an option... changing the locks when she's out is!

But I digress. Clstrphbc_donut, you do what YOU feel you should bud...

[smtkr]

Hexus.police

[Merlin4458]

Its impossible to guide u on this one. We dont know if there has been problems in the relationship anyway. i,e u seem to be drifting apart. If this is the only thing that she has ever done that has made you doubt the relationship, i personally would give her another chance, try work it out.

Over and out....Trisha

[Xaneden]

Trisha? I think we'll be in need of Jerry Springer if this thread gets any more heated...

[shelley bda]

I agree with Nick, it's only a desicion doughnut can make, the reason i said in my original post about trying to find the cause behind her behaviour ( remember she hadn't been violent in 13 months ) was when i suffered depression ( 10 years ago ) my Doc gave me Prozac which didn't do anything apart from make me Violent and nasty, if i wasn't crying i'd be threatening suicide or screaming in his face, can't remember being physical but i do remember throwing whatever was to hand ( knives included ) at him ( there's still a dent in wall where i threw a saucepan at him ) he never once hit me, he'd just walk away, all he'd say later was "i don't care about me, as long as it means you don't hurt the boys" which i never ever did, i love them to bits and i'd rather die than hurt my babies i took myself off the Prozac because i could see what it was doing to me, changed back to the mild mannered girl i am now, i'm glad he stuck by me, i love my husband and kids to bits, if something bugs me now, i step back and think " is it important?" and more often than not it isn't, i can't have a go at him for anything, he always has the knack of making me laugh and turning it into a joke if i try so nowadays life is for having a laugh and seeing the funny side of things