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Thread: David Cameron "Beat Up 8 Year Old Child"

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    A Straw? And Fruit? Bazzlad's Avatar
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    David Cameron "Beat Up 8 Year Old Child"

    It has been revealed by a Sunday Tabloid that Conservative Party leader David Cameron 'savagely attacked' a small, 8 year old boy simply because the boy claimed that Mr Cameron 'smelt like poo.'

    The incident took place 33 years ago, when Mr Cameron was 7 years old, attending primary school in Oxfordshire. The boy had apparently been harrassing Mr Cameron all day to no avail, until the boy likened the Conservative Leader's odour to being similar to human faeces, at which point Mr Cameron turned and pushed the boy to the ground in what was described as a 'sudden, unexpected use of extreme force.'

    Many people have been critical of Mr Cameron's actions:

    "Sure, it's never nice to be told that you smell like excrement," Tabloid Reporter Keith Wilson commented, "But Mr Cameron is the leader of a major political party. He has to put up with all sorts of accusations every day. He should be able to handle it better than to beat up the small child in question. There is no excuse for Mr Cameron's actions, I don't care that he was only 7 years old at the time."

    Chuck Hankman, the child Mr Cameron attacked, now 41 years old recalled the incident in vivid detail:

    "So first I said he liked to smell poo. And then I said he liked to eat poo. And then I said he smelt like poo. To be honest, I thought he would have been able to have responded to such a well thought out political attack. Obviously, this level of criticism was too advanced for him to respond to on an intellectual level - so he pushed me onto the playground floor."

    Mr Cameron has refused to comment on the specifics of any action he may or may not have been involved in claiming:

    "Politicians have a right to a private life before they entered politics. I refuse to comment on this or the cannibis allegations, the bed wetting allegations or the allegations that I systematically murdered 15 people and buried their bodies under the foundations of a then-being-constructed block of flats. Whether any of these issues is true or not is irrelevant as they all allegedly took place before I was a Member of Parliament."

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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
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    stupid pricks, who cares

    (i got bored half way and missed the sarcasm.. obviously there are no real people called chuck in this country)
    Last edited by MadduckUK; 16-02-2007 at 02:56 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    At this point, I think I would like to thanik G4Z for the loan of his spare sarcasm detector, in this thread. It is, I believe, working beautifully.

    But G4Z, old pal, is there a volume control on this thing, 'cos it's making a heck of a racket at the moment. And for some reason, I suspect that the irony and caricature circuits have been triggered as well.





    By the way, Bazzlad - nice one. I like it.

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    radix lecti dave87's Avatar
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    Very good, I initially missed the point, but reading the last paragraph put it into perspective

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bazzlad View Post
    The incident took place 33 years ago, when Mr Cameron was 7 years old.
    W.o.W
    I guess people are that desperate for news articles. Who the hell has intellectual discussions in a fight when your 7 years old...
    What an idiot, good thing he pushed him over.

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    You 'missed the sarcasm'?

    Someone else didnt get it till the last paragraph?

    Thats like... scary.

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    A Straw? And Fruit? Bazzlad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saracen View Post
    By the way, Bazzlad - nice one. I like it.
    I'd love to claim it, but it's doing the rounds
    I'm shocked a few people missed the point though

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    Mike Fishcake
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    Quote Originally Posted by moogle View Post
    W.o.W
    I guess people are that desperate for news articles. Who the hell has intellectual discussions in a fight when your 7 years old...
    What an idiot, good thing he pushed him over.
    My cat's breath smells like cat food.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Fishcake View Post
    My cat's breath smells like cat food.
    thats nice...

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    radix lecti dave87's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart View Post
    You 'missed the sarcasm'?

    Someone else didnt get it till the last paragraph?

    Thats like... scary.
    When you are still hungover from the houseparty you went to last night, sarcasm doesn't work until it slaps you round the face

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    A Straw? And Fruit? Bazzlad's Avatar
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    *SLAP*

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    i still dont get it... meh

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    radix lecti dave87's Avatar
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    Cheers Bazzlad, jus what I needed

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    Quote Originally Posted by dave87 View Post
    When you are still hungover from the houseparty you went to last night, sarcasm doesn't work until it slaps you round the face
    The saracasm in that post was so far beyond slaping you in the face, its untrue. That was sarcastic rape.

    What you've done there, pretty much, is not noticed while you were raped. By a polar bear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart View Post
    What you've done there, pretty much, is not noticed while you were raped. By a polar bear.
    I suspect most of is will have to take your word for what that's like, having never experienced it ..... what with Polar bears being a bit rare in these parts.

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    Maybe you just never noticed...

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