Ok, to clarify supreme commander used to run perfectly on my 256mb HD2900gt on med setings, now however I have gotten a 512mb HD4850 and run the game on high settings, and towards the end of large multiplayer matches it will randomly crash, dropping it down to medium quality will solve the problem.
Now I have looked this up (after first thinking the card was faulty or the drivers were messed up), and think that as I am running 32bit windows, the upgrade to a 512mb card and running higher settings is pushing the game past the 2gb address space allowed in 32bits, this article is the one that has made me think that:
http://www.anandtech.com/gadgets/showdoc.aspx?i=3034
And as I can recreate the crash by following the methods described, and using process explorer to see that the usage at the times of the crashes is about 1.8-1.9gb I assume it must be my problem.
Looking through that article, it would seem to me like the only option is to upgrade to 64bit (win7 rc looks tempting) or resign myself to the fate of running at med detail for the forseable future, unless anyone on here has any suggestions that could help me.