Holiday hell from... the neighbours!

[Nick]

We went away for a week’s holiday over Easter and, being the gullible fools we are, we left the family cat in the care of the next-door neighbour.

Now, I recently fitted a new ‘outer’ back door to the back porch, which, being a modern UPVC thing, has a lovely bit of embossing on the lower half. This means that unless I’m as skilled as the guys that built the Channel Tunnel, there’s no way I can fit a cat-flap. Of course, even if I was able to accurately cut through what amounts 6 inches of plastic, no-one makes a cat flap that’d fit it anyway.

I know this because I’ve already wasted 3 hours in Pet City, looking through the various cat flaps, dog flaps, small pet flaps and monkey flaps, none of which are designed for, or fit, a dirty great modern UPVC door.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that we don’t have a cat flap in the outer door. The cat goes all night anyway and I’m usually home during the day so he can come and go as he pleases This isn’t a problem… well, it isn’t a problem until you go on holiday…

Now, I left quite clear and explicit instructions for the neighbours, written down on a piece of paper and left with the cat food. I even got them round, showed them where the cat food is, showed them where everything is and told them that ALL the need to do is feed the cat…. nothing else… absolutely NOTHING else… just feed the cat. He doesn’t drink tap water, so don’t bother… and don’t give him milk as it doesn’t agree with him… just feed him.

I explained that due to a lack of cat flap, the outer door would be open, so the cat can come and go as he pleases. I underlined that all they need to do is feed the cat. Once a day. Feed. The. Cat.

Are you all following this?

So, we go off for a week’s holiday and come back, tired and worn out after a week of activities that saw me and the family spending so much time in the swimming pool that we’d nearly grown flippers. All we we’re looking forward to was to have a nice cuppa and put our feet up. So what happened when we got home?

Devastation… pure and utter devastation. Of the highest order.

The first sign of trouble was when we opened the outer back door, which, I had told the neighbours, should be left open as we had no outer cat flap. Why was the back door shut? With a sinking heart, I looked through the locked inner door and saw the mess… but it wasn’t until I opened the door that the smell hit us.

It’s impossible to describe and, to be honest, the mess was too disgusting to write about here, but let’s just say that what our house had been turned into is easily reproduced if you shut a cat indoors for a week…. which is exactly what our neighbours had done.

Said ‘helpful’ neighbour popped his head in the door just as my wife and I were still reeling from the shock of what had happened. He very helpfully explained that trhey were worried the cat would run off and so, checking that we’d locked up properly just after we left, they shut the back door… locking the poor cat in the house.

Of course, his litter tray was inside, where they couldn’t get to it, so it couldn’t have been long until he couldn’t use that anymore… which is when he started on the plant pots… then the newspapers on the armchair, then the holiday brochures on the floor by the filing cabinet… finishing with a little present on the dining room table on some of my paperwork…

But it must have been at this point that my neighbours, being the kindly souls they are, saw it fit to give the poor animal milk. This has the same effect on the cat as Mr Muscle drain cleaner has on my sink… so our ginger tomcat just went crazy… everywhere.

The last straw came when, as we were cleaning up, we realised that the stains and the smell just weren’t going to shift… so one frantic weekend later and we now have a nice new laminated living room, having ditched roughly £300 worth of carpet.

Of course, there are upsides, in that the TV can’t settle it’s castors in the carpet, making it near on impossible to move, and the lounge seems bigger, but the downside is a set of knees that creak and click everytime I move and an unshakeable dislike of my well-meaning but thick as mud neighbours…

[[GSV]Trig]

Yeouch, Wanna get rid of the cat n get some fish I reckon

[Moby-Dick]

poor Milo - he can't have really enjoyed it either

sadly with the departign of my ex , the uberhoover of doom went with her ( it was a heated wet vac which was v good for removing cats



stains ) or you could have borrowed it.

[nichomach]

We just went away for a week and settled Arthur (our dropped-on-head-at-birth and psychotic) black and white moggie at a local cattery for the duration. It's really worth doing - removes a LOT of worry.

[Nick]

Yeah, the cost of re-flooring and the arse-ache it entailed is very likely far more than sending him to moggy hotel... oh well, at least the lounge looks nicer than before...except now the missus want's to re-redecorate as she thinks the floor doesn't go with the walls...

[nichomach]

Aha! I think I see a pattern emerging here...tell me, has she been boosting his feed? Maybe giving him the posh IAMS stuff instead of the cheapy Sainsbury's own? Chucking him the odd sardine here and there?

[[GSV]Trig]

Our dog went into kennel's for the easter break while we were away, £75 for 4 days and a proper grooming, well worth it imho especially after you add up the cleaning costs in your case..

[herulach]

Not to start a flame war, but dont you think its slightly irresponsible to leave your cat to roam around crapping all over everyone elses gardens for a week? I'll readily admit to not being a cat person, but thats only reinforced by imo, very irresponsible owners letting the damn things **** everywhere. I mean, if you repeatedly came home to find massive piles of dog turd on your garden i dare say youd go and have a word with the owner, why people dont treat cats the same is beyond me.

And yeah, your neighbours were pretty stupid, but, imagine the amount of crap you had to clean up distributed over your neighbours gardens where their kids play.

[Nick]

The thing is, he's actually adopted from our neighbours. They got themselves a Westie, he took an instant dislike to it and legged it, disappearing for 9 months beofre turning up in our back garden looking very sorry for himself. The neighbours took him back in, got him sorted by the vet and tried to keep him at home but he can;t stand the dogs, so we adopted him instead.

He does use his litter tray but I think those 9 months have left him with habits we can't break. I don't think he's as much trouble as crapping everywhere else though as he seems to always use the flower bed at the end of our garden.

We try to be as responsible as we can, which is why his litter tray is changed daily, and eys, it was a mistake to not leave the litter tray where the nieghbours could clean it but then we were pretty sure the cat would use the flower bed as normal for 'solids' and use his litter tray for liquids like he usually does.

[Koolpc]

You mean your cat doesn't use the toilet like us? lol

[herulach]

Maybe its not all cats then, but theres about 6 or 7 that like to use our back garden, which is way ive taken to keeping a loaded water pistol (well, water doomsday device cps1500 ftw) in our kitchen, they still comeback, but it gives me a lot of satisfaction, as well as being good target practice for summer

[Koolpc]

You could always bury mouse traps in the soil. Yikes!!! (Just kidding).

[Robert]

How's the cat?

[Nick]

You mean your cat doesn't use the toilet like us? lol

No opposable thumbs, see?

How's the cat?

Asleep, upside down on the sofa.. probably readying himself for another night out on the streets eating foxes...

[Kumagoro]

What did you say to your neighbours about the cack everywhere and the smell.
Did they even mention it?

[Nick]

I did ask them if they had left the door open.. and that's when we found out about them shutting it to 'stop him running away'...

Running away? Running bloody away? It's a CAT!

Cat's don't 'run away' without good reason! This cat sure as hell knows which side his bread is buttered and won't go anywhere... so why shut him in?

Oh, and thanks for giving him milk despite me expressly saying not to, because yes, he has 'done his business' everywhere... oh, and while you're here, that box of Devonshire selection biscuits you've been eyeing up? Well you can have them once we've used them to soak up the mess...