Have anyone here ever had this experience and what do you do or not to resolve the problem?
I'm experiencing it right now... It hurts so much and had made me going crazy.
I can only think of a quick solution is to win the lottery. Not that she is after my money. But for me to forget everything and start over again.
I have never been through that no, I have broken up with my long term girlfriend then got back together after 6 months. It was a hard time, after 8 years together it was strange for her not to be around anymore. The good news is we are now married and have been for over 2 years.
Its best to just be yourself, keep your chin up and don't get down in the dumps.
□ΞVΞ□
BerZerk (03-07-2012)
I talked to an old guy the other day on a park bench. (probably not a park bench or the other day) Talking about marriage and relationships; he pointed out that young people today are too scared of commitment or too selfish to make the sacrifices needed to keep marriages (I suppose relationships could be used these days) together.
I think he was right. You haven't added much to your post.
Foundations. It depends upon how both of you understand and are coming to the relationship. Assuming neither side are dead set on leaving, but are open to making it work, I believe most if not all relationships can be made to work. As Jay mentioned, sacrifice is a big part of it. Serving the other half in love.
For me and my wife, before we got married, I tried to come to an understanding of what love was - practically speaking. The truth was that sometimes I felt a storm of emotion towards her, at other times not. Did that mean I didn't love her sometimes, or truly at all? What does it really mean when someone says "I love you"? It seems like it can mean different things at different times. What I, and we, settled on, to the best that I can explain it, is the love is choice/commitment. To say, "I love you" is to say "I choose you". For us, to get married was to say - "I choose you and I choose to choose you", forever. It's a commitment to be committed. To serve the other person in love forever. To bind yourself to them. Irreversibly. And so have we begun. We don't always feel the emotional rush but we know the commitment is there. For me to always do my best for her, and her for me, for the rest of our lives. The other big part of that is forgiveness. We have to continually talk to and forgive the other person. We remember our commitment to love the other, and so we forgive them, and return to loving them. We still say the phrase to one another often. "I choose you". "I have nothing against you". "I love you".
Our foundation is built upon the knowledge that love isn't a feeling, it's a commitment, a choice, and an expression of that choice through a free act of will. Also, that sacrifice is the highest form of love. The secret to sacrifice though, is to always keep your eyes on the other person, never yourself.
As for getting through a break up, I imagine I would need good friends and family, time alone, focus, and time to heal. My faith in Christ would be central to me getting through something like that. I pray I never have to.
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LWA (10-07-2012)
Hey Domestic_Ginger, you are quite right. Marriage and then having a family mean you need to sacrifice your daily routines. I have done this to her for 8 years. Got a lovely boy and girl. I have aged a lot of the 8 years period, because of the children. Unconditionally, never complain or unhappy doing it. The only think I done wrong was not paying to much attention with her, going out together more frequent. Having more time together without the children, etc, etc.
That why I have allowed her to go out after work.
I worked, and when I'm off work. I looked after the children, while she gets to go out in the evening after she finish work and enjoying her Friday evening.
Having thinking about, she just taking me for granted more than I did to her. She does not know how stressful I'm looking after the children.
There is no appreciation at all. She just think I have neglected her.
My In-Law and her older sister think, I should try to make up for it. But I'm not sure this can be done. She is out of order and not worth me having her back. Even it mean, hurting the children. She is too selfish and cold heart towards me.
Thanks Galant for the replied.
I have sacrifice too much for her. She had now left me with a broken heart, that might not ever going to be heal.
She always say to me, why don't I say I lover her. When I really want to say I love her, I mean in my heart not when she ask me to say it.
She does not understand it at all.
Last edited by BerZerk; 03-07-2012 at 02:41 PM.
If she is asking you to tell her that you love her, then I guess you not telling her or showing her that you love her enough.
And you don't understand a woman's desire to be told again and again that she is loved.Originally Posted by BerZerk
Rationally there's no reason to think anything has changed since the last time you said it, and I agree, that from the man's point of view it might even cheapen it to just say it, but if that's what they want then it's a small sacrifice.
unless she want's out of the relationship.. in which case.. I assure you.. .telling her you love her over and over will be the WORST thing ever!!
As has been said, most women (all?) need to hear you tell them you love her, that you think she's beautiful etc. Often. That's just part of what they need, and so, because you know it, part of loving her is doing that. Take care of her.
It also brings up what I mentioned. Love isn't all about feelings. Feelings come and go. It's commitment, it's the loving, sacrificial act of choice that is the real love.
You must have been with her for a reason. I say fight for it. Forgive whatever things you have against her. Let is all go. And begin to choose her again, like there is no and never will be any other. Women need to feel loved, need to feel like they are the centre of someone's world. We might not always understand or feel that way. But if they need it, it's our job to do it as best we can. The best part is they usually don't actually need to be the real centre of our world. Women get by and thrive on much less. But we need to make that effort.
In relationships, especially to solve problems, act first. Someone has to. Just forgive and forget the grievances, and begin to act in love. Which is sort of like what they say about courage. Courage isn't the absence of fear but acting bravely in spite of it. You act bravely even when you don't feel, and then the bravery comes after. So too, love first, even if you don't feel it. And the feelings follow.
Oh, and don't be afraid to communicate your feelings to her. Just always try to keep love in your mind as you speak.
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Yeah, by that point it could be a bit late... But if she's hinted, or even outright asked why you don't say it more often..
I don't think I can get back to her. For one reason, she had changed her feeling for me; she does not love me anymore. I want to be strong, and prove to her. I can still move on with or without her. I had a well paid job, no debt.... But more importantly my two precious.
As the saying, there is plenty of fish in the sea.
If her family are saying try, that's a good hint you can, but if that's your choice, that you don't want to then that's that. If it were me, I'd try. The lessons learned in attempt might well make for a better relationship after than before, plus the kids would benefit greatly.
As I said, it's not about feelings, it's about a commitment and determination to bless someone else. From that commitment come the rewards. If you choose to do so, I believe you can do it. If not, then its already over.
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ouch!
I would never have split up from my ex - some odd dutiful compulsion would have kept me in an at best indifferent relationship for the rest of.
So, after the healing time, after the initial heart splitting hurt I can now feel some gratitude to her for making the split happen.
The hurt will be masking any rational thinking - but basically and coldly - why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them?
Another thing is not to have any regrets - now matter how bitter or how heart hateful you feel - I'm sure that you can find some positive things that happened because you were with that person - and so regretting that you were with them, would mean the positive things could not have happened. I would not have two lumps of sons if I'd not been married - I could never regret having them in my life (they'd better not see this!)
Nothing can really ease the hurt - in some ways it is perversely good that you feel so bad about losing so much - nothing wrong with caring.
Hope you resolve
Many thanks for all your people inputs.
Having thought it through. There is no regret marrying the woman I love. I only regretted is not being the person I am. Yes, if she still can give me a small chance; I will make it happen. There is not a doubt about that. If this had not had happened, I would not rethink hard about our relationship. How much I wanted to be with her, how much I missed her, how much I wanted her to be part of my life.
I can only pray to god, if he existed. To give me a small chance to prove to her I can make her happier than ever before and not live to regret it.
Good luck BerZerk. I hope she gets to hear that as well.
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