Understand English ?

[Whiternoise]

I don't get the 'cough, women, station' what am I missing?

"gh" sounds like an f when in cough
"o" is pronounced like an i
and "ti" is pronounced like "sh"

So.. you end up with fish

[ponolops]

We old farts used to have to learn the following off by heart. See what this does to the old grey matter!

I take it you already know
Of TOUGH and BOUGH and COUGH and DOUGH?
Others may stumble, but not you
On HICCOUGH, THOROUGH, LOUGH and THROUGH?
Well done! And now you wish perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of HEARD, a dreadful word
That looks like BEARD and sounds like BIRD,
And DEAD; it's said like BED not BEAD
For goodness sake don't call it DEED!
Watch out for MEAT and GREAT and THREAT
(They rhyme with SUITE and STRAIGHT and DEBT)
A MOTH is not a moth in MOTHER,
Nor BOTH in BOTHER, BROTH in BROTHER.
And HERE is not a match for THERE
Nor DEAR and FEAR for BEAR and PEAR;
And then there's DOSE and ROSE and LOSE
Just look them up - and GOOSE and CHOOSE,
And CORK and WORK and CARD and WARD,
And FONT and FRONT and WORD and SWORD,
And DO and GO and THWART and CART
Come, come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd mastered it when I was five!

Incidentally, the English language is nowhere near as difficult to learn as Norwegian! And that comes from the mouth of a Norwegian friend who speaks five languages!

[Andy3536]

Ronny Barker was one of this country's best comedians at fully using our language to it's fullest extent.
His word craft was amazing. He'd have loved to see that list I think

With you on that one, the 2 Ronnies word play scetches are about the best comedy scetches ever shown

[Saracen]

It's "and" isn't it?

Clever, but nope, that isn't what I meant. As I said, no tricks involved, and I'd say that that's a trick. The way in which it's used is a bit restricting, but it can be used in a wide variety of situations and doesn't involve anything like as specific or contrived as that. It's a genuine linguistic structure.

[Saracen]

But if you lot really want your brains scrambled, try following this ...

Esau Wood sawed wood. Esau Wood would saw wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. In other words, all the wood Esau saw to saw, Esau sought to saw. Oh, the wood Wood would saw! And, oh the wood-saw with which Wood would saw wood! But one day, Wood's wood-saw would saw no wood, and thus the wood Wood sawed was not the wood Wood would saw if Wood's wood-saw would saw wood. Now, Wood would saw wood with a wood-saw that would saw wood, so Esau sought a saw that would saw wood. One day, Esau saw a saw saw wood as no other wood-saw Wood saw would saw wood. In fact, of all the wood-saws Wood ever saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood-saw that would saw wood as the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood, and I never saw a wood-saw that would saw as the wood-saw Wood saw would saw until I saw Esau Wood saw wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood. Now Wood saws wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood.

I said the English language was slippery. I use English professionally, and that gives me a headache.

Oh and before anyone points out that I said I use English professionally, but I started a sentence with a conjunction (which would have given my grammar master a conniption fit), I know I did. I didn't say I used professional English here.

[JPreston]

These are good, will send to my homies back home

English is a crazy language to learn because it has over one million words in common usage, more than double the next language. IIRC french has about 250,000 for example. Do you really need specific words like:

'scrumping' - theft of apples (only) from orchards (only - theft of apples from tesco is apparently 'shop-lifting')

'defenestration' - breaking window panes (only)

...and so on?

[Whiternoise]

isn't defenestration jumping out of windows?

[Andy3536]

isn't defenestration jumping out of windows?

Either way, it's not really a common word is it?
When was the last time you herd somone use it?(not in this thread that is)

[BEANFro Elite]

It'd have made more sense if some of the lines had commas in them as well, but yeah

[Saracen]

isn't defenestration jumping out of windows?

Being pushed or thrown out, rather than jumping.

[Whiternoise]

Either way, it's not really a common word is it?
When was the last time you herd somone use it?(not in this thread that is)

In a looong discussion with some friends about a week back

Oh, i tell a lie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestration

It's the act of throwing someone out of a window

EDIT: Wot he said ^

[Stewart]

Esau Wood sawed wood. Esau Wood would saw wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. In other words, all the wood Esau saw to saw, Esau sought to saw. Oh, the wood Wood would saw! And, oh the wood-saw with which Wood would saw wood! But one day, Wood's wood-saw would saw no wood, and thus the wood Wood sawed was not the wood Wood would saw if Wood's wood-saw would saw wood. Now, Wood would saw wood with a wood-saw that would saw wood, so Esau sought a saw that would saw wood. One day, Esau saw a saw saw wood as no other wood-saw Wood saw would saw wood. In fact, of all the wood-saws Wood ever saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood-saw that would saw wood as the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood, and I never saw a wood-saw that would saw as the wood-saw Wood saw would saw until I saw Esau Wood saw wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood. Now Wood saws wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood.

Yeah, good stuff. Not exactly English at its best though, is it?

This royal throne of kings, this scepter'd isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall,
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.

And what’s even better, Shakespeare didn't have to crowbar a character called 'Esau Wood' into it, to make it work.

Good stuff though.

[JPreston]

isn't defenestration jumping out of windows?

Yes actually that's closer than me - dictionary.com has it as "the act of throwing something, especially a person, out of a window".

Same point though; throwing out of a window, and only out of a window. How many languages on Earth do you think has a specific word for that? Or for stealing apples, and only apples? If you look at say german (correct me if I'm wrong) there isn't even a name for a camera - it's a compund word like photoapparat or something.

I love these words - the point is exactly how often would anyone ever has cause to use them - literally never, but there they are. And it's not ye olde englishe either; foresooth and gadzooks - when in history was there ever a need for these ultra-specific words?

Are there any others I'm missing?


EDIT: Oh OK, kudos to everyone else who corrected me as well. I started typing that around 4 hours ago but never got around to posting

[Andy3536]

Can't beat a bit of the 2 ronnies, didn't go for the obvious one but i like it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcrs5Z7S-oM

[Saracen]

Yeah, good stuff. Not exactly English at its best though, is it?

Well, arguably, it is indeed English at it's best .... or at least, at it's very good.

The logic goes like this :-

- What's the point of written English?

Answer - to communicate a point, some meaning.

- What's the point being communicated in that Esau text?

Answer - it's a grammatically correct exercise for actors, because while it is grammatically correct, the meaning is deliberately obscured by the very language that is supposed to convey the meaning. Therefore, it requires very great care by the actor in how he reads that text to the audience for the audience to see the meaning, rather than be confused by the homophonous phraseology. If read properly, it will sound far better and more logical, if a bit childish, than it reads. You, or at least I, have to read it VERY carefully for it to make sense.

No, it doesn't have the beauty or power of Richard II, or the romance of the 18th Sonnet, nor the political acuity and biting satire of Dickens, or the elegance (if obscure elegance) of James Joyce. It's not a temperate summers day, or a Grecian Urn, or a towering Joyceian religious metaphor, or a Chaucerian bit of 'thronging' in a pear tree. But then, it's not supposed to be evocative, or lyrical, or romantic, or satirical.

So, as an exercise, it is indeed excellent use of English, because it is frighteningly, devastatingly efficient at achieving it's objective. Or so the logic goes.

[JK Ferret]

that is a right mouthful, wood and would and saw and saw and esau and whatnot.

reading that could give you a headache

what's the 7-chain word then? i'm dying to know (but not literally)