Should you tell?

[Saracen]

I'm very firmly in the "it depends" camp.

But my basic instinct is to keep the hell out of that subject.

I might override that, if I were convinced that the mate wasn't aware of it, and would be better off if he were. But .... different people live different lifestyles, and have different arrangements between partners. It is not beyond the bounds of possibility that mate already knows what his spouse is up to. Perhaps they have a bilateral agreement in place about away games. But it's equally possible that that is not something my mate wants to discuss with me! And may me very embarrassed, even angry, if I bring it up.

Then again, if she's playing away and he doesn't know, is he better off if I tell him? It may be a temporary thing, and about to end, and they'd subsequently have a happy married life. But if I tell him, it may well wreck any trust between them and possibly end the relationship. Is it my business to make that call and drop that bombshell on him? No, not really. Will he thank me for it, or is ignorance sometimes a blessing?

And what about kids? If there's any, and I blab something that ends the marriage, what about the impact on the kids? Do I want that on my conscience? Hell, no.

Ultimately, I would need a VERY convincing reason to get involved in what could end up a very messy situation, and in general, I'd keep quiet. Not happily so, but quiet nonetheless.

But my optimum situation is to not know in the first place. It's their business, not mine, and I REALLY don't want to know.

[TiG]

If a mate of mine knew that a wife/gf of mine was cheating on me I would want and expect to be told. I'm shocked at the amount of people that wouldn't tell a best mate about something like this?

I guess i'm just different to people

TiG

[Saracen]

Let me put my answer another way.

If someone knew my wife was cheating on me, would I want to be told? No.

I'm happy with her, love her loads and am perfectly content with my life as it is. What I don't know isn't hurting me, but finding out would.

[TiG]

You are saying ignorance is bliss....?

Thats just not me, never has been and i pray never will be. Facing the truth for me is something that i can't imagine ever shying away from.

TiG

[SmileyUK]

any friend that didnt tell me the truth would no longer be a friend of mine if i ever found out he knew. I would tell it straight to him as you arent being a friend by not telling him. If it was the other way and one of my friends that cheated on their partner i wouldnt say anything as its my friend that my loyalty lies with. To not tell someone is putting your loyalty with their partner and basically saying that what they are doing is ok.

[fat jez]

You are saying ignorance is bliss....?

Thats just not me, never has been and i pray never will be. Facing the truth for me is something that i can't imagine ever shying away from.

TiG

Amen. I would want to know so I had the satisfaction of kicking the cheating ***** out of my life. Sorry, but there is only once chance, once that's blown, it's game over.

*edit* Can you tell I've been cheated on before?

Stephen

[Rishi]

Gather evidence...

I'm thinking videos, pictures and phone taps. Then present it in a damning case over a evening meal with the both of them.

OR

Just say nothing.

[Digerati]

I've been in this situation before and I do not regret my actions. I approached the cheater and basicly threatened them to tell their spouse before I did. They didn't work things out but that was mainly due to the fact that she was a bit of a psycho anyway.

If my girlfriend confessed to me that she was cheating yeah I'd be p*ssed off but we may be able to work it out and the fact that she told me shows that the trust can be rebuilt. But if I found out from a mate then followed it up to be true, no second chances.

[Bazzlad]

Problem is, as I've found out with unstable women - they can be very manipulative -

You catch a friends girl cheating.
You warn her to stop it, telling her you know.

She tells your friend you tried it on with her.
Or that you'd be acting strange lately and can we avoid him etc.

So that's always dodgy.

As a married man, I'd want to know. Immediately.
If it was one of my best friends I'd tell them. A not so close friend, I'll get some proof, and perhaps hint to him.

Thing is, if it's a real friend it IS your business.

[Digerati]

Problem is, as I've found out with unstable women - they can be very manipulative -

You catch a friends girl cheating.
You warn her to stop it, telling her you know.

She tells your friend you tried it on with her.

Thats exactly what happened to me. Luckly the guy was my best mate who I've known for 18 years, so he pretty much laughed in her face at that one.

But yeah, its a situation which can be next to impossible to predict.

[Stewart]

Hehe, cuckold... that word always makes me laugh.

Also - grass the slag up! Being hypothetical is no excuse.

[Bazzlad]

Thats exactly what happened to me. Luckly the guy was my best mate who I've known for 18 years, so he pretty much laughed in her face at that one.

But yeah, its a situation which can be next to impossible to predict.

Could have ended up worse,
I split up a fight between two mates the other week.

Mate A's girlfriend had gotten drunk and slept with Mate B (in a pub toilet)
She regretted what she did and claimed rape.

Now despite the Police dropping charges against him (her leading him by hand into the girls toilets doesn't quite sit right with her story) the other bloke believes her.

Pathetic eh?

[usxhe190]

If a mate of mine knew that a wife/gf of mine was cheating on me I would want and expect to be told. I'm shocked at the amount of people that wouldn't tell a best mate about something like this?

I guess i'm just different to people

TiG

Problem with this is the facts say we have no evidence, you saw, you didn't record it

Now when you tell your best mate of 20 years, is your best mate going to believe you or going to believe his own gf/wife...it can turn either way...

[Sair33]

It is a tricky one... The thing is, I would have thought (I may be wrong!) that in the majority of cases, the person being cheated on must have some slight inkling that something isn't right, and (speaking from experience) there is nothing worse than being suspicious and feeling that you are being lied to.
In that case... as TiG says, I would rather know the truth every time, and therefore would rather be told if it were me. So... yes, I think I would tell, although I'm not sure it would be a very easy conversation to have!

[coco]

just tell him or you could try blackmailing her for sexual favours if she's really hot to keep stum

personally i would do the former

[Fatboy40]

Well, personaly, I wouldn't even bother confronting the person who is cheating as they no longer deserve your respect, they obviously have no respect for their partner any more.

However, the above does need to be tempered by the scale of the indiscretion.

Catching a married man/women having sex with someone in an area that may be out of the way but is still public so they know that they may be caught says a lot about a person. Someone going through a difficult time in their life and making a stupid mistake that they seriously regret is another matter, and in this sort of situation they would probably tell their partner in time anyhow...