Better to have loved and lost....

[Cozwin]

hope you can kick it tbh mate, shame to see a good guy with problems.

[IBM]

Rave, I think you're down in most people's books as a smart cookie....something like this will probably have you down in a few more.

No sympathy, but a comradely slap on the back if you'll take it....




p.s. giving up drinking on New Years Day? Surely nobody's ever done that before, although I'd say you're pre-empting the hangover blues by a good margin

[staffsMike]

Well having dealt with this sort of thing before with mates I can tell you the hard part isn't just admitting you have the problem but it's certainly a big step. I hope you stick to it mate. I'm sure everyone on hexus is behind you
If it gets too hard there's plenty of groups you can join who are there to help and support you, if hexus fails you of course

Everytime you get the urge I would take the money you would spend and put in a pot saving for something really important if you can.. charity perhaps..or new cars etc..

[shelley bda]

I feel a lot happier having made the decision. I should never have let it come to this, but I did, and there's no use crying over spilt milk.

Wishing you all the luck in the world what ifs and why fors are easy to dwell upon but it's looking to the future that matters not the past, can't change the past but you can make decisions in the now for a better future. Would you go back and change anything? I doubt it, it's our past experiences that make us who we are, you'll come out bigger and stronger than before, I always say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.... Think positively and think of the future. Onwards and upwards

A very happy Christmas to you and yours

[Taz]

Hi, Rave. Be strong and look to the future, not the past. I hope you have a great Christmas and all the best for 2008.

[Lucio]

I feel bad now, I thought you were talking about breaking up with your girlfriend when you meant you realised you had a serious problem with alchohol

I hope you don't hold my misunderstanding against me and I wish you the best of luck with beating your problem! Alchoholism is not an easy to bugbear to beat, especially as many of us do not realise when we have a problem.

If it's any consolation, I swear off alchohol for three months, despire only drinking 20 units a month, I won't touch a drop until my birthday, and even then, I'll only have a couple of cans.

I suggest you read some of the Discworld novels, particularly those centred around the Night Watch....

[santa claus]

The well-intentioned posts in this thread are just the start for you Rave. Professional help is what you need but if you feel you can beat this beast (it isn't a lover so drop the euphemisms) there are plenty of people here who'll support you, me included.

It will be hard. Life is hard. Your life is hard, my life is hard, everyone's life is hard. Don't let semi-oblivion rob you of two of life's most precious gifts, your health and your youth.

And, like you say, it isn't just about you, it's about those you love and those who love you.

You know where to find us.

[Areku]

Gratz Rave! I am sure you will have the will power to be able to do it. I havent had a drink for three years now. I don't even think about it anymore either. Plus it saves me so much money!!

[MD]

Thing is I have only really met you at a HEXUS party a while back - back then I wasnt drinking as I was driving, but as you were staying you had had a few

The thing is, giving up is all well and good but cold turkey is not the solution, respect for the consequences and self control is harder to achieve but much more rewarding.

I have family who fly commercial airlines and as you know they cannot drink XX number of hours before the route. The same should apply with your Bus stuff, I mean obviously you shouldn't and I know you wouldnt be under any sort of influence before getting in the bus but maybe think about restricting yourself to a set number of hours, even if thats 12 or 18 just so it pushes your window of opportunity to drink.

Like I say, I have played both sides with this sort of thing, I have tried to give up and I have tried to drink in moderation, I found the latter easier for me personally and in all honesty more rewarding.

You'r not an outcast or someone people despise Rave, its just that you have to feel happier with the way you play the drinking game.

Good Luck.

Matt

[malfunction]

I don't want to be argumentative but only Rave can really know if he needs to give up or just be sensible with it... I appreciate you've met him and I haven't but having known a couple of alcoholics I believe cold turkey is the only way for some people.

Rave,

As I said before if you want to chat let me know. At the very least I can give you some horror stories that might put you off booze / inspire you

[godsdog]

And neither do I, but...

He's an alcoholic who needs to stop drinking...and he knows it. Simple as that.

But Rave will arrive at that point by himself, just like every alcoholic ultimately has to come to terms with the person doing the drinking.

Rave's saving grace is he already knows he needs to stop if he wants any long term happiness and peace in his life.

[Hans Voralberg]

I used to drink quite regularly, but gave up about 2 years ago, I drink milk and fruit juice instead

[Moby-Dick]

Rich It will be good - some people can do moderation , some people choose to be teetotal. Which ever you choose , you know you have plenty of friends to back you up on it ( and bring you coffee at 1pm )

[arbitor]

So other than what you have said about the club thing... which thousands of students and people do every weekend including me..

What makes you think your an alchoholic...

Maybe you have not told the full extent but what you described is amazingly common..

Is there anything else that makes you think this?

[Rave]

Thing is I have only really met you at a HEXUS party a while back - back then I wasnt drinking as I was driving, but as you were staying you had had a few

Yeah, that's true mate. And since I was already ten sheets to the wind when you turned up, I only remember you as a nice kind guy who very generously acquiesced when I tapped you up for a supply of fags. That's it. Can't remember anything you said to me, can't remember if I said anything either funny or pertinent to you. I just remember that you were there.

To me, that's a really crappy way to treat a person. And I daresay I've short changed literally dozens of other decent people through my own selfishness.

Next time we meet, we'll get to know each other, and I'll remember it because I'll be sober. You may be drunk, or not, and it won't make any difference to me, because my stopping drinking is about my ability to handle alcohol, and not about my attitude to anybody else getting intoxicated.

The thing is, giving up is all well and good but cold turkey is not the solution, respect for the consequences and self control is harder to achieve but much more rewarding.

I am, simply, beyond that point. I've held down a job as a bus driver for a year and a half. I can stop drinking when I need to. It's when I don't need to that the problems arise.

I have family who fly commercial airlines and as you know they cannot drink XX number of hours before the route. The same should apply with your Bus stuff, I mean obviously you shouldn't and I know you wouldnt be under any sort of influence before getting in the bus but maybe think about restricting yourself to a set number of hours, even if thats 12 or 18 just so it pushes your window of opportunity to drink.

There are 168 hours in a week. My liver (even assuming that my body, after years of heavy drinking, hasn't learned to chuck it out of my system quicker) can dispose of one unit per hour. I spend at most 65 hours in a week at work. So, doing the maths- and trust me I can- I can still do 100 units a week totally legally.

And did, quite often. That level of drinking, statistically, is very likely to damage you. But I'm not fussed about that- I'm fussed about how I treat my friends, my family, and most importantly my wife.

Again, I thank everybody who's posted a supportive comment. I think- and of course I hope- that now I've made my mind up it's going to be fairly easy. I'm not physically addicted to alcohol- in the last month I've gone 72 hours without drinking a couple of times and didn't get the shakes etc...... it's just that those 72 hour periods were punctuated by total alcoholic oblivion.

Just stopping dead will be far easier than trying to learn to moderate it- I have already tried that, and failed. I never set out to drink until I black out- it just happens all the time.

And BTW, IRL I don't anthropomorphosise alcohol, I just did it in my original post for dramatic effect.

[Rave]

So other than what you have said about the club thing... which thousands of students and people do every weekend including me..

Well...then, you shouldn't. Don't be a drunken PITA. It's just not cool, and it should not be acceptable.

I was, a couple of times, and that, for me, was rock bottom. AFAIK I didn't cause the bouncers who chucked me out any more trouble than a bit of momentary irritation. But it was still a ridiculous and unacceptable thing to do. However, to me at least, the main thing was that it was a wake up call. On my way home from that escapade- on the bus, because I was still too drunk to drive- I asked myself what the hell I was doing it for, and didn't like the answer.

At the end of the day, it was a decision that was purely about me and that I made for myself. As it happens, my wife and I have been going through a rough patch, and she's been thinking of leaving me. About 5 minutes after I made the decision to quit the booze for good, I managed to switch on my phone long enough to get a message from her that she needed to speak to me. That's great, I thought- kick me while I'm down, why don't you.

As it turned out, her message was that she'd thought about it and decided that we had to make a go of it. But I'd made the decision, and nothing would have changed it. I hope that me being sober will seriously improve my chances of saving my marriage- but even if she ends up leaving me, I'm not going to drink again.

I don't want to prejudice anyone else's opinion about booze. If you can get drunk, enjoy it and keep control, that's great as far as I'm concerned because I love geting drunk. I just love it too much.