Shopping for Dogfood

[Zak33]

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was
standing in the queue at the checkout. A woman behind me asked if
I had a dog? Mad woman.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 4 stone before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and drips and salines and stuff

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete
so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls
and a car hit me.

[Funkstar]

I wish that was true Zak, but I have a sneaking suspicion you copied that from somewhere else

[TAKTAK]

highlight of my day so far

[Zak33]

I wish that was true Zak, but I have a sneaking suspicion you copied that from somewhere else

doubter

[Clunk]

What was a Tesco checkout doing in the middle of the road?

Where there's blame, there's a claim.

[MadduckUK]

how did she know you had been to hospital? you never mentioned it to her?

[finlay666]

how did she know you had been to hospital? you never mentioned it to her?

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 4 stone before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and drips and salines and stuff

You should have said you ended up in the vets

[MadduckUK]

boo, i blame... someone else

[steve threlfall]

[MadduckUK]

[muddyfox470]

Zak I thought a man of your stature might be shopping in Waitrose instead!

[PS. I think the formatting of the text is a bit of a giveaway that he just copied it from somewhere else]

[Behemoth]

Brilliant