For those that are good at psychology...

[neckclicker]

Firstly, I apologise to those who have read about this in my other thread(s) about this problem, but this will be the last thread I make on it.

I always had a relatively happy life, up until secondary school, where I started to get bullied.
This came to a head in Year 9, when out of nowhere the bully came up to me and punched me hard in the back of the neck.
Now I have seen a chiropractor (unsuccesfully) and am now going to another specialist who I have been referred to, who hopefully can relieve the problem, although I have been told I am probably going to have to keep the clicking/cracking in my neck.

It is this clicking/cracking which I have got ever since I got punched.
You could say that I may have got a cracking neck anyway, but I'll never know.

Anyway, this may interest the psychology students amongst you, I hope you can help (Yes I know this is no substitute for professional help, but as I am on a long waiting list, I would appreciate help from you TSR!)...

Basically, every time my neck clicks, I get upset, thinking it shouldn't be happening, because I didn't deserve to get punched. This is annoying but I can live with it.
It is when I get an "extreme" case that I get upset.
Let me give you a real life example that happened recently:
Suppose I had to be on the phone for half an hour to my doctor about my neck (which I believe wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the punch), then I missed the chance to talk to someone. (I heard them outside while I was on the phone, but when I had finished they were gone).

I then worried about this when I heard them the next day outside my room. By this I mean I hesitated and thought whether I should just burst out and talk to them or not, as we haven't really spoken before.
It would undoubtedly have helped my confidence if we had spoken the night before, but of course I was on the phone because of my neck.

I now think of many things that "would have" happened had we spoken, but that haven't happened.

You must be thinking: just talk to them now. Well thats the problem: I don't think this is "the right time" and am worried that if anything goes wrong in the conversation its getting too late to call friends for support on this.

It is this chain of thought: If I never got punched, I wouldn't have been on the phone then, we would have chatted yesterday, we could then have chatted more today, we would be on our way to becoming great friends.

that annoys me, because that is not true.
I could try and make friends today, but if it doesn't work I will be so upset.
Its like being normally upset at someone rejecting you I guess, but with the added damage of it being because of an old bully.


I welcome you guys to challenge my thoughts, and give me good advice.

[Will404]

Ouch, I often worry about things like that (was bullied in year 4ish, and I never got any confidence back, this is the first time that I have ever mentioned it, and I am sure that I would not be if I were face to face, or you had not mentioned your worries first)

I genorally think about things like that at night, like there is something that I want to tell someone, but when the time comes, I worry about what I would say, how they would react, ect...

I often find it a lot easier to send a text, which doesnt really help if you do not know them... so i suppose that it would be best if you just spoke to them when they were next with you..? (if I am understanding you)

[Clunk]

I would just be happy you're not a Giraffe.

[sammyc]

Really sorry that this is bothering you to this extent, it's obviously something that has become a major focal point over a long time & it's hard to then change your perspective.

One thing you can try & work on, is the idea of things having to be done at the 'right time' as it's easy to get obsessed by that (I have that to a degree as well). Often there just isn't a right time and the course of history won't be as different as you think just because of timing.
For example: you might think it was the best possible time to go & speak to that person, but that's just one way of looking at it - for all you know it was not a good time for them. Look at it from the outside if you can. If you had gone out, it could have been their worst moment, they could have been in a hurry, not felt well, had things on their mind etc. Then they might think 'I wish it had been another time.' There isn't any way you can know that so try & be a bit more flexible if you can.

Good luck with your drs' appointments.

[Robscure]

Firstly, I apologise to those who have read about this in my other thread(s) about this problem, but this will be the last thread I make on it.

I always had a relatively happy life, up until secondary school, where I started to get bullied.
This came to a head in Year 9, when out of nowhere the bully came up to me and punched me hard in the back of the neck.
Now I have seen a chiropractor (unsuccesfully) and am now going to another specialist who I have been referred to, who hopefully can relieve the problem, although I have been told I am probably going to have to keep the clicking/cracking in my neck.

It is this clicking/cracking which I have got ever since I got punched.
You could say that I may have got a cracking neck anyway, but I'll never know.

Anyway, this may interest the psychology students amongst you, I hope you can help (Yes I know this is no substitute for professional help, but as I am on a long waiting list, I would appreciate help from you TSR!)...

Basically, every time my neck clicks, I get upset, thinking it shouldn't be happening, because I didn't deserve to get punched. This is annoying but I can live with it.
It is when I get an "extreme" case that I get upset.
Let me give you a real life example that happened recently:
Suppose I had to be on the phone for half an hour to my doctor about my neck (which I believe wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the punch), then I missed the chance to talk to someone. (I heard them outside while I was on the phone, but when I had finished they were gone).

I then worried about this when I heard them the next day outside my room. By this I mean I hesitated and thought whether I should just burst out and talk to them or not, as we haven't really spoken before.
It would undoubtedly have helped my confidence if we had spoken the night before, but of course I was on the phone because of my neck.

I now think of many things that "would have" happened had we spoken, but that haven't happened.

You must be thinking: just talk to them now. Well thats the problem: I don't think this is "the right time" and am worried that if anything goes wrong in the conversation its getting too late to call friends for support on this.

It is this chain of thought: If I never got punched, I wouldn't have been on the phone then, we would have chatted yesterday, we could then have chatted more today, we would be on our way to becoming great friends.

that annoys me, because that is not true.
I could try and make friends today, but if it doesn't work I will be so upset.
Its like being normally upset at someone rejecting you I guess, but with the added damage of it being because of an old bully.


I welcome you guys to challenge my thoughts, and give me good advice.

This is typical, you're not alone. Millions of people get picked on, they get beat up, they get treated badly... I had that happen a lot to me when I was young, it's sad but that's the way many people are.

It's unfortunate that you had an injury as a result. I don't know much about how the law works here in the UK, but in the US you can sue that kid if you can prove that the damages were caused by him. Of course he doesn't have money, so you would actually be suing his parents... That's side-tracking a little, but something to think about.

However, as far as the psychological aspects are concerned, here is the best advice I can give you, so listen carefully.

You only live once, as far as anyone knows... Who you are is who you will be for the rest of your life. Whatever happens today, will begin drowning in the past tomorrow. No matter how long the effects of any circumstance or instance are they will eventually be forgotten. One day, you will die, just like me, just like everyone, and when you die, some people will remember you, but eventually you'll be forgotten by everyone. Does it really matter what people think of you? Just live your life the way that you want to live it, and try your best to enjoy it, because it's all you've got, and it's up to you to make the most of it. Life is hard, you're going to get a hell of a lot more angry when you get older and have to deal with idiots all day every day. You'll realize that the majority of people around you are morons, because it's statistics that the majority of people drop out of school, or get involved in the wrong things, and treat people badly, and just don't care about other people's feelings. This is a sad fact of life that you, I, and everyone will eventually come to understand. It's best for you to understand it now while you're young.

Time goes by very quickly, before you know it, you'll be 20... Then you'll be 40... and so on. Make the most of NOW, TODAY, HERE. Don't wait for tomorrow, because honestly it may never come. You never know what is going to happen. If there's someone outside your door, then talk to them if you want to, or don't talk to them if you can't, it doesn't matter... do what you can, and don't ever have any regrets or dwell on the past... If you don't care about the person outside of your door, the to be honest, screw them, lol. Try your best to be happy, don't hurt yourself, and don't hurt others... I find it helps to believe in something called "Karma", if you have the mind-frame that "what comes around, goes around" then it will make you feel better when someone wrongs you... Let me give an example that suits you...

That moron bully who hit you... I bet he was picked on as a child, maybe his parents beat him or worse... That's not something you should wish to happen to someone, of course, but if it did, wouldn't it make you feel sorry for him? If it doesn't make you feel sorry for him, then you lack compassion for others, which is okay, if that's who you want to be, but re-evaluate yourself, ask yourself: "Is that who I want to be?" Do you want to lack compassion? If you don't care, then fine, but be sincere about it, because maybe you will feel better about yourself if you spend more time thinking about others. Back to the example at hand... So maybe the Bully wasn't mistreated, maybe you have no reason to feel sorry for him at all... He hit you, and you don't want to forgive him for it, you want revenge, but you don't have the guts to punch him back, or maybe you want to be the bigger man and not punch him back, because afterall, what is that going to get you? In trouble. Fighting is really stupid, UNLESS it's for sport (UFC is awesome), OR if it's to defend yourself or others... But fighting for "honor" and "pride" is pointless... Maybe a year from now that bully will get in a position that makes him very uncomfortable... Maybe he'll lose his job, fail at something he expected to succeed in, or maybe someone will put him in his place and beat him up, knock his teeth out or something... Because if he runs around acting tough and punching people, then he is eventually going to get what he deserves.

Listen buddy, try to be the best person you can be... Take deep breaths when you feel angry... Try to release your anger... try to become less angry... Figure out what's making you angry and try to get rid of it. Do the best you can in life, and you will have nothing to worry about... you shouldn't feel bad about anything. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and forgive other people for their mistakes. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you're moving in the right direction, and you should be proud of yourself. No matter what happens, make the most of it. If this still isn't good enough, then try to think about other people who are in worse situations than you are...

You got punched in the neck, you have minor annoying problems, but nothing too serious as far as you know...

But some poor guy just got beat up and had to watch his girlfriend get beat up, then the people stole everything from them.... DAMN that's bull!!! That makes me angry, and it didn't even happen to me! But guess what? That's the evil world we live in. Just be glad you aren't THAT guy...

Take care and I hope you can find a way to live your life and not let anything bother you so much... Just be grateful for who you are and what you have... things could be much worse...

[neckclicker]

Thanks guys, but these replies don't really help, I don't know why...

[neckclicker]

This is typical, you're not alone. Millions of people get picked on, they get beat up, they get treated badly... I had that happen a lot to me when I was young, it's sad but that's the way many people are.

It's unfortunate that you had an injury as a result. I don't know much about how the law works here in the UK, but in the US you can sue that kid if you can prove that the damages were caused by him. Of course he doesn't have money, so you would actually be suing his parents... That's side-tracking a little, but something to think about.

However, as far as the psychological aspects are concerned, here is the best advice I can give you, so listen carefully.

You only live once, as far as anyone knows... Who you are is who you will be for the rest of your life. Whatever happens today, will begin drowning in the past tomorrow. No matter how long the effects of any circumstance or instance are they will eventually be forgotten. One day, you will die, just like me, just like everyone, and when you die, some people will remember you, but eventually you'll be forgotten by everyone. Does it really matter what people think of you? Just live your life the way that you want to live it, and try your best to enjoy it, because it's all you've got, and it's up to you to make the most of it. Life is hard, you're going to get a hell of a lot more angry when you get older and have to deal with idiots all day every day. You'll realize that the majority of people around you are morons, because it's statistics that the majority of people drop out of school, or get involved in the wrong things, and treat people badly, and just don't care about other people's feelings. This is a sad fact of life that you, I, and everyone will eventually come to understand. It's best for you to understand it now while you're young.

Time goes by very quickly, before you know it, you'll be 20... Then you'll be 40... and so on. Make the most of NOW, TODAY, HERE. Don't wait for tomorrow, because honestly it may never come. You never know what is going to happen. If there's someone outside your door, then talk to them if you want to, or don't talk to them if you can't, it doesn't matter... do what you can, and don't ever have any regrets or dwell on the past... If you don't care about the person outside of your door, the to be honest, screw them, lol. Try your best to be happy, don't hurt yourself, and don't hurt others... I find it helps to believe in something called "Karma", if you have the mind-frame that "what comes around, goes around" then it will make you feel better when someone wrongs you... Let me give an example that suits you...

That moron bully who hit you... I bet he was picked on as a child, maybe his parents beat him or worse... That's not something you should wish to happen to someone, of course, but if it did, wouldn't it make you feel sorry for him? If it doesn't make you feel sorry for him, then you lack compassion for others, which is okay, if that's who you want to be, but re-evaluate yourself, ask yourself: "Is that who I want to be?" Do you want to lack compassion? If you don't care, then fine, but be sincere about it, because maybe you will feel better about yourself if you spend more time thinking about others. Back to the example at hand... So maybe the Bully wasn't mistreated, maybe you have no reason to feel sorry for him at all... He hit you, and you don't want to forgive him for it, you want revenge, but you don't have the guts to punch him back, or maybe you want to be the bigger man and not punch him back, because afterall, what is that going to get you? In trouble. Fighting is really stupid, UNLESS it's for sport (UFC is awesome), OR if it's to defend yourself or others... But fighting for "honor" and "pride" is pointless... Maybe a year from now that bully will get in a position that makes him very uncomfortable... Maybe he'll lose his job, fail at something he expected to succeed in, or maybe someone will put him in his place and beat him up, knock his teeth out or something... Because if he runs around acting tough and punching people, then he is eventually going to get what he deserves.

Listen buddy, try to be the best person you can be... Take deep breaths when you feel angry... Try to release your anger... try to become less angry... Figure out what's making you angry and try to get rid of it. Do the best you can in life, and you will have nothing to worry about... you shouldn't feel bad about anything. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and forgive other people for their mistakes. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you're moving in the right direction, and you should be proud of yourself. No matter what happens, make the most of it. If this still isn't good enough, then try to think about other people who are in worse situations than you are...

You got punched in the neck, you have minor annoying problems, but nothing too serious as far as you know...

But some poor guy just got beat up and had to watch his girlfriend get beat up, then the people stole everything from them.... DAMN that's bull!!! That makes me angry, and it didn't even happen to me! But guess what? That's the evil world we live in. Just be glad you aren't THAT guy...

Take care and I hope you can find a way to live your life and not let anything bother you so much... Just be grateful for who you are and what you have... things could be much worse...

I don't think people in the UK sue for stuff like this, could only happen in america really..

[Robscure]

I don't think people in the UK sue for stuff like this, could only happen in america really..

lol... well, did you read the rest of my post?

[neckclicker]

yes, it was quite useful

[Robscure]

yes, it was quite useful

Just checking

Don't sweat the small stuff... there's a lot worse headed your way in life.

Try to get a hobby that makes you happy, and try to laugh, watch comedy...

Make jokes of things, it will make you feel better...

lol my whole life is a joke LOL

[SiM]

Maybe you can contact the guy here and see how he is coping with it. He has a similar problem, you can lean on each other for support.

[fuddam]

why would someone reject your friendship?

and why would someone reject *your* friendship?

If someone doesn't accept you / want to speak to you / etc, that doesn't stop you from loving them (I mean in a platonic way, because you haven't said the friendship could be more than that). There is nothing to be afraid of. Even if someone hates you, you can still love them, and all it will do (over time) is bring goodness out of the situation. No question.

[TheAnimus]

If someone doesn't accept you / want to speak to you / etc, that doesn't stop you from loving them (I mean in a platonic way, because you haven't said the friendship could be more than that). There is nothing to be afraid of. Even if someone hates you, you can still love them, and all it will do (over time) is bring goodness out of the situation. No question.

And such a think can be very healthy, for more information on how to go about developing these personality traits, please see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial_killer#Motives

These people aren't not wanting to accept you, its just someone has to make the first move. If you get rejected whats the worst that can happen? I think there are ment to be 2billion odd people on this earth who speak english...... Go and meet more people, if your at uni now, join every society you have so much as a passing interest in, great way to meet like minded people, and you've a common intrest to talk about.

Don't try to force yourself on people who don't want you!

[Robscure]

And such a think can be very healthy, for more information on how to go about developing these personality traits, please see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial_killer#Motives

These people aren't not wanting to accept you, its just someone has to make the first move. If you get rejected whats the worst that can happen? I think there are ment to be 2billion odd people on this earth who speak english...... Go and meet more people, if your at uni now, join every society you have so much as a passing interest in, great way to meet like minded people, and you've a common intrest to talk about.

Don't try to force yourself on people who don't want you!

Of course.

You just be happy with who you are and enjoy life man... Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt yourself or others...

[sammyc]

Thanks guys, but these replies don't really help, I don't know why...

All anyone can suggest is to obsess a little less on just this one thing in your life, and try to move on. Seems like this one bad thing is what you blame for a lot and you think your life would have been so different without. That implies the only way your life could have turned out ok is for nothing bad to happen to you up to now. Who has that sort of life though...?

Sorry if these replies are not helpful in the way you want but they are kind of about changing the way you think gradually, rather than helping you feel better immediately; the best us unqualified folk can do is point out how what you're saying strikes us - mostly, that you have got too hooked on dwelling on this, and your take on some things is a bit skewed as a result.

[neckclicker]

Maybe you can contact the guy here and see how he is coping with it. He has a similar problem, you can lean on each other for support.

no, thats me!