Old Uncle 0iD's Unserious Agony Uncle Thread

[Behemoth]

Do bears poop in the woods ?

[0iD]

Do bears poop in the woods ?

Yes, the toilets have usually been vandalised by chavs and junkies, and they prefer rabbits to that shiny toilet paper the council provides that just smears it around.

[CaptainCrash]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I was watching TV the other week when I was suddenly and unexpectedly confronted with an unpleasant image.

Since then, I've suffered from disturbed sleep, and have been subject to feelings of anxiety, depression and paranoia. I went to see my doctor, but when I explained what had first caused my symptoms, he started weeping and throwing things.

I've also recently developed a strange fascination with sniper's rifles.

Should I seek further help, or just wait and see how things pan out?

[666moe666]

OiD, this assignment is doing my head in. Should I just hang myself now?

[Whiternoise]

OiD,

Does God exist? I think i met him once, but he just barked at me.

Dear Uncle OiD,

I was watching TV the other week when I was suddenly and unexpectedly confronted with an unpleasant image.

Since then, I've suffered from disturbed sleep, and have been subject to feelings of anxiety, depression and paranoia. I went to see my doctor, but when I explained what had first caused my symptoms, he started weeping and throwing things.

I've also recently developed a strange fascination with sniper's rifles.

Should I seek further help, or just wait and see how things pan out?

Darling, i hear that listening to Brown noise is quite soothing...

[0iD]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I was watching TV the other week when I was suddenly and unexpectedly confronted with an unpleasant image.

Since then, I've suffered from disturbed sleep, and have been subject to feelings of anxiety, depression and paranoia. I went to see my doctor, but when I explained what had first caused my symptoms, he started weeping and throwing things.

I've also recently developed a strange fascination with sniper's rifles.

Should I seek further help, or just wait and see how things pan out?

KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

(in your dreams)

[0iD]

OiD, this assignment is doing my head in. Should I just hang myself now?

No assignment is ever worth it, 10 years down the line you will neither have used anything you learned now, nor used it anyway. Just not worth the stress because in the greater scheme of life there are far more important things, like sex, alcohol and gaming

[0iD]

OiD,

Does God exist? I think i met him once, but he just barked at me.

God is whoever or whatever you want him/her/it to be. For instance "my god" comes to me whenever the mrs noshes me off

[Salazaar]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I find that whenever I go in to the office the people around me always seems to keep piling work on to my desk when I'd rather be larking around on the interwebs. How can I stop this happening?

[GheeTsar]

Dear Uncle 0iD,

I have developed a sudden passion for a particular graphics card manufacturer and can't stop spamming forums with propaganda about this company. Strangely, other people on the forum don't seem to like my posts - why is this and what can I do to make them like me?

[0iD]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I find that whenever I go in to the office the people around me always seems to keep piling work on to my desk when I'd rather be larking around on the interwebs. How can I stop this happening?

In my experience if you do said work slowly and badly enough then people tend not to ask you to do it again, giving you shedloads of spare time... mainly owing to not having a job any more... ah well, easy come, easy go.

[0iD]

Dear Uncle 0iD,

I have developed a sudden passion for a particular graphics card manufacturer and can't stop spamming forums with propaganda about this company. Strangely, other people on the forum don't seem to like my posts - why is this and what can I do to make them like me?

Well far be it from me to ridicule a geek from developing love & passion for a certain brand or manufacturer, it's perfectly natural Fanboi-ism is ok, it's time to come out of the closet and declare your undying love. If people don't like you, then tough, their loss, you go for it, Fanboi & proud!



I salute you!

[Lee H]

Dear Uncle 0iD,

Am I nuts to be moving into a new place this week just before christmas. As you know moving can be quite stressful, so do you have any tips to keep the stress levels down to 0% and what should I do if the other half starts stressing.

i know what I do... I'd just like a jokey reply thats all

[0iD]

Dear Uncle 0iD,

Am I nuts to be moving into a new place this week just before christmas. As you know moving can be quite stressful, so do you have any tips to keep the stress levels down to 0% and what should I do if the other half starts stressing.

Drugs ... & more drugs

[Grey M@a]

I seem to have developed a cough, a dry throat, a blocked nose and general feeling of ****ness.

Do I have the pig aids or is this just the excuse I need to start the "man flu" and have till after Christmas off

Thanks Uncle OiD

[0iD]

I seem to have developed a cough, a dry throat, a blocked nose and general feeling of ****ness.

Do I have the pig aids or is this just the excuse I need to start the "man flu" and have till after Christmas off

Thanks Uncle OiD

Contrary to popular (skum feminist) opinion, man flu is a very real and debilitating viral infection, and is in no way to be taken lightly. Man flu, or Acute Homo Influenza which is what you seem to have, needs to be treated immediately with bedrest, I.V. good ale infusion & a diet of nutritious takeaways. Chips, Chinese, Curry, Pizza to keep your carbs up and give you a balanced diet. You would be doing your colleagues a huge favor by not turning up to work for a while & saving them from infection..