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About LinkBacksWe first knew our friend Phil was dyslexic when he came to our toga party dressed as a goat.
We first knew our friend Phil was dyslexic when he came to our toga party dressed as a goat.
Originally Posted by MasterFlash
Hehe - family forum don't forget!
- Butuz
sorry *slaps wrist
i like this one
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
hehe... nice... glad I weren't drinking anything when i read this thread
Microsoft as the butt of jokes, so satisfying
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???"
"That was the demo," replied St. Peter.
LMAO!!
got two more cheesy jokes, Whats the difference between a horse and a dead bee??
ones a seedy beast the others a bee deceased...
and....
What the difference between a bacheloer and a married man??
one kisses the missus the other misses the kisses,
he he
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs,and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like ! that?"
"HellOOOO..."! answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Widdle Wabbits (To Warm Your Heart)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice,
"I don't fink my pet pyfon weally gives a thit."
....
And anudder:
Why I Am So Tired!!!
For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep,
not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job,
earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of.
But now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired,
which leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government,
which leaves 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces
preoccupied with killing Bin Laden,
which leaves 16.2 million to do the stateside work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people
who work for state and city governments
and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
which leaves 1,212,000 to do the work.
As of today, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves JUST TWO PEOPLE to do the work...
YOU and ME!!
And there you are sitting on your butt,
at your computer, reading jokes. Nice, real nice...
mwahahaha!:LOL:
ok, joke from me...
(note: you should be (preferably) in a very hysterical mood to find this funny)
Q1)Why couldn't the cat drink its milk?
Q2)Why did the girl fall off the swing?
I'll leave you guessing...
My girlfriend just loves is one...
Why do women use makeup and perfume?
Because thier ugly and they smell.
1. Because it was dead?
2. Because she had no arms?
Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a party, and Bill asks him "what WAS Divine Brown really like?"
Hugh winks and says "just like her name.....Divine. Want her number?"
Off goes Bill, well pleased, phone number stored in his mobile. He rings her, makes a date, they go out, he spends a small fortune on her, and on the way home he asks if he can have what Hugh had, that fateful night.
After 15 minutes Divine gives up and says "you know my name is my business? I'm Divinewell now I know why you're called MICRO SOFT "
boom boom...
no one delete that....or I'll beat em up
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