A joke of extremely high quality.

[Howard]

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play:

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."
Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says ......"I'll be Bach."

[mike_w]

Well, if we're doing 'high quality jokes' then:

Bob was well known as a miserly old man, and rarely spent any of his money unless he absolutely had to. However, one day his local pub was holding a raffle, and first prize was a huge yacht. When watching a young woman with a particularly short skirt play snooker, he noticed that she had the number 6 tatooed on each buttock. Taking this as a sure sign, he quickly ran over to the bartender asking if ticket 66 had been sold yet. It hadn't, so he promptly bought it.

Later on in the day, Bob realised he'd missed the results of the raffle been called out. He went to the bartender and asked, "Did the winning number have a six in it?"

The bartender replied, "It did."

Bob then asked, "Did it have two sixes in it?"

The bartender replied, "Yes."

By this point Bob was getting excited at the thought of his brand new yacht. He nervously asked, "Was the winning ticket 66?"

The bartender replied, "Not quite I'm afraid. It was 606."

I think Howard's was better

[turkster]

[kushtibari]

Bloke walks into a butchers shop and says to the lad behind the counter
"I bet you £50 you can't reach the meat on the top shelf"
The lad replies
"Sorry mate, the stakes are too high"

[Howard]

LMAO!! Kushti... ROFL Dear oh dear

[mike_w]

A man walks into a pub one night with an octopus, with the absurd claim that it can play any muscial instrument. The man starts the betting at £50 when the barkeeper challenges him to play the piano in the corner. The octopus does, and plays brilliantly. Another person in the pub give the octopus a guitar, but the octopus plays that equally well. This goes on for some time, with people bringing xylophones, trumpets, drums, violins, harps, flutes and dozens of others.

Eventually, one of the Scots produces a set of bagpipes. The octopus eagerly approaches them, but there is no noise for several minutes. The barkeeper says "Aha, you've lost the bet! Your octopus can't play the bagpipes!"

The octopus replies "Play it? I though I was supposed to make love to it!"



And so continues Mike's streak of terrible jokes!

[Howard]

Oh that's just terrible. Get off the stage

[stytagm]

Some of my absolute faves:

What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

There are two fish in a tank, One says:
"You man the guns and I'll drive"

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

And my current all time fave:
What's Orange and a bit like a parrot?

A Carrot.

Oh yes and finally,
There are two parrots sitting on a perch, when one asks:
"Can you smell fish?"

[BigLad]

And my current all time fave:
What's Orange and a bit like a parrot?

Then you will undoubtedly like the following:

Q: What's red and invisible?
A: No tomatoes.

This ones for the wife/girlfriend:

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing - you've already told her twice.

I'll get my coat...

[RoGuE|SaBeR]

What's green and eats nuts?

Syphilis

[Swafe]

lmao rogue

[Spud1]

roflmao to all those

[da_ging]

all round apart from

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

doesnt even make me cringe its that poor

[Big RICHARD]

Family forum etc lalalala

Butuz



Boom-tishhhhh!

[stytagm]

doesnt even make me cringe its that poor

I hang my head in shame <andrew pays for joke dog's prosthetic limbs><dog scarpers><can't find dog>

...thinks of another related joke, but it's in poor taste... so here it is:

What has five legs and hang's around the children's playground?

A doberman.

<hears ice creak dangerously - runs away>

[MasterFlash]

Hehe - family forum don't forget!

- Butuz