Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: A Tribute to Chuck Norris

  1. #1
    Raging Bull DeludedGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    London
    Posts
    2,594
    Thanks
    112
    Thanked
    76 times in 55 posts
    • DeludedGuy's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Gigabyte H87M-HD3
      • CPU:
      • Core i5 4440
      • Memory:
      • 8GB DDR3 1800mhz
      • Storage:
      • 250GB Samsung 840 SSD
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Gigabyte R9 270 OC 2GB
      • PSU:
      • BeQuiet Pure Power L8 600w
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08-E
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 7
      • Monitor(s):
      • 24" Dell U2414H
      • Internet:
      • 75Mb BT Infinity

    A Tribute to Chuck Norris

    Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:18 am Post subject: Tribute to Chuck Norris

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    2. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    3. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

    4. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

    5. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

    6. Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.

    7. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    8. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    9. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    10. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    11. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

    13. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

    14. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

    15. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

    16. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

    17. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

    18. In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

    19. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    20. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    21. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the face when she didn't give him exact change.

    22. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

    23. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

    24. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

    25. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

    26. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

    27. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

    28. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

    29. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    30. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    31. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    32. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

    33. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    34. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    35 .Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

    36. Chuck Norris' arch-enemy used his stealth mode ability to hide from Chuck Norris in New Orleans. Subsequently, Chuck Norris created Hurricane Katrina to flood the pussy out.

    37. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

  2. #2
    Almost in control. autopilot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Region 2
    Posts
    4,071
    Thanks
    51
    Thanked
    12 times in 11 posts
    eh? Thats just strange.

  3. #3
    smtkr
    Guest
    I love it. I grew up watching Chuck Norris. I liked them when I was a youth because of the senseless violence. Now, I love his movies for a comedy factor that I just couldn't get when I was younger. I like them for the same reason that I like Steven Segal movies.

  4. #4
    Raging Bull DeludedGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    London
    Posts
    2,594
    Thanks
    112
    Thanked
    76 times in 55 posts
    • DeludedGuy's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Gigabyte H87M-HD3
      • CPU:
      • Core i5 4440
      • Memory:
      • 8GB DDR3 1800mhz
      • Storage:
      • 250GB Samsung 840 SSD
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Gigabyte R9 270 OC 2GB
      • PSU:
      • BeQuiet Pure Power L8 600w
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08-E
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 7
      • Monitor(s):
      • 24" Dell U2414H
      • Internet:
      • 75Mb BT Infinity
    Quote Originally Posted by smtkr
    I love it. I grew up watching Chuck Norris. I liked them when I was a youth because of the senseless violence. Now, I love his movies for a comedy factor that I just couldn't get when I was younger. I like them for the same reason that I like Steven Segal movies.
    So true

  5. #5
    Registered+
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    38
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    When I first read the thread title, I thought he'd died! lol

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    1,469
    Thanks
    38
    Thanked
    61 times in 58 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaizen
    When I first read the thread title, I thought he'd died! lol
    Me too - wondered how I'd missed that reading BBC news film earlier on..

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    W Yorkshire
    Posts
    5,691
    Thanks
    85
    Thanked
    15 times in 13 posts
    • XA04's system
      • Motherboard:
      • MSI X570-A Pro
      • CPU:
      • AMD Ryzen 5 3600
      • Memory:
      • Corsair 2x 8gb DDR 4 3200
      • Storage:
      • 1TB Serpent M.2 SSD & 4TB HDD
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Palit RTX 2060
      • PSU:
      • Antec Truepower 650W
      • Case:
      • Fractcal Meshify C
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 10
      • Monitor(s):
      • iiyama 34" Curved UWQHD
      • Internet:
      • Virgin 100mb Fibre
    ok.. not funny at all


    I also though - thought by reading the thread title he died.

  8. #8
    Goron goron Kumagoro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    3,132
    Thanks
    37
    Thanked
    163 times in 136 posts
    im also wondering why, so where did you paste it from?

  9. #9
    Raging Bull DeludedGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    London
    Posts
    2,594
    Thanks
    112
    Thanked
    76 times in 55 posts
    • DeludedGuy's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Gigabyte H87M-HD3
      • CPU:
      • Core i5 4440
      • Memory:
      • 8GB DDR3 1800mhz
      • Storage:
      • 250GB Samsung 840 SSD
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Gigabyte R9 270 OC 2GB
      • PSU:
      • BeQuiet Pure Power L8 600w
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08-E
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 7
      • Monitor(s):
      • 24" Dell U2414H
      • Internet:
      • 75Mb BT Infinity
    Quote Originally Posted by Kumagoro
    im also wondering why, so where did you paste it from?
    Another Forum...

  10. #10
    unapologetic apologist
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,954
    Thanks
    363
    Thanked
    275 times in 146 posts
    LOL

    very cool, very cool - almost choked on me supper.

    if you get the humour, you should check out Vern's reviews of Steven Seagal movies on www.aintitcool.com - AWESOME


  11. #11
    Registered+
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Skinleech
    Me too - wondered how I'd missed that reading BBC news film earlier on..
    Me too! After reading the thread title, I went straight over to bbc.com to check out the news that he'd died.

    I read the full post first next time.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Dimebag Tribute CD
    By Knoxville in forum Consumer Electronics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-05-2005, 07:38 AM
  2. Tribute to the pope
    By daveham in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-04-2005, 11:52 AM
  3. Case mod - 50th Anniversary Team Lotus Tribute case.
    By Flibster in forum Chassis and Mods
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-06-2004, 06:09 PM
  4. St. Anger tribute song
    By Theo in forum Consumer Electronics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 25-07-2003, 10:36 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •