Chav Nativity

[shelley bda]

Found this on another forum... thought it was brilliant

Chav nativity...

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo you lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.'

Mary's totally gobsmacked.

She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper.
I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we is gonna get.
'Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?'

It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.
He's like 'The police is comin an' they is killin' all the bay-bees. You
better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay'.

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.
Happy Crimbo

[mmh]

Comic Genius

[Konan555]

Long version of the essex classic.

"A nativity has been called off in essex on account of not being able to find three wise men or a virgin"

[Taz]

Reminds me of earlier in the day when I was listening to LBC (talk radio station in London). There was an article on a school that wants to improve reading standards for its children by teaching them to *rap* Christmas carols! I nearly choked on my Pot Noodle!

[unreal]

Reminds me of earlier in the day when I was listening to LBC (talk radio station in London). There was an article on a school that wants to improve reading standards for its children by teaching them to *rap* Christmas carols! I nearly choked on my Pot Noodle!

Omg

My dad listens to that station all the time, I practically listen to it every morning ;_;

[smtkr]

Long version of the essex classic.

"A nativity has been called off in essex on account of not being able to find three wise men or a virgin"

Someone start a thread with essex girl jokes

[steve threlfall]

Reminds me of earlier in the day when I was listening to LBC (talk radio station in London). There was an article on a school that wants to improve reading standards for its children by teaching them to *rap* Christmas carols! I nearly choked on my Pot Noodle!

oh dear god, someone should be hung for that

Yo yo yo silent yo night homey whaaaaasaaaap Aiiiiiiiigh

[smtkr]

I don't live in England, but it sounds like bastardizations of English are becoming ordinary in the UK. Would I be incorrect if I said that Estuary English et al are well on track to replacing received pronunciation (I think this is also known as BBC/Queen's English) as the common accent? If I look at any young Brit's blog, I notice the blogger is content to promulgate his attachment to the working class. Even on Hexus, I see such working class terms as 'innit' commonly used. I'm happy that there have been no real speech movements in the United States in my lifetime. The lot of you are in for it

[mmh]

"proper english" has been dead in this country all my life.

i live in the "black country" (nothing to do with ethnicity), and we have our own sort of language going on, which is evolving all the time.

[IBM]

smtkr ... it's generally a generalisation...similar to the general perception over here that everyone in the US uses a mix of african-american and hispanic influenced ghetto slang. It's certainly true that working class influenced accents are becomming more prevelant, but still primarily within the working classes, and whatever affection people have for said accents tends to end when they need to get a job and realise that working class accents might help you fit in with your social crowd, but leave people with the perception that you're not as well educated as some.

And to prove my point, would you believe a nobel prize winning nuclear physicist if he had a really thick brummy accent? Yam alroit? Ask mmh, he'll tell you about it...

[chicken]

I sent my mum the link to this thread on MSN yesterday, she was making a nativity window display for her clinic at the time, she printed it off and tomorrow it's going on display next to the free condoms so all the youths can have a laugh, and maybe think a bit about what they're doing!

[Adam107]

I think everywhere in the country that is slightly dodgy must have a version of the joke where they couldnt find 3 wise men and a virgin.