Sex before marriage

[directhex]

your views, oh mighty forum goons? a fun passtime for a sunday afternoon, or a sin in the eyes of Vishnu?

meself, i dislike the idea of casual sex - sex is more than 5 minutes of squeltching noises, it's a deeply emotional occurance that shouldn't be squandered on cheap slappers on a friday night. that said, i don't see the benefit in waiting to become married - if you deeply care for someone, and are connected to them emotionally, then it serves as a relatively important point for future years together as to whether you're connected physically as well. if you don't enjoy each others' company after dark, then you will draw appart, despite your best efforts - and better not to wait until after getting married for that. i've had sex with only one girl before, and i've been with her now for over 3 years - which suggests i must be doing SDOMETHING right.

--jo

[Private_mojo]

Sex is the highest act of love that you can offer to somebody. Your virginity is something that can be taken away, and once its gone - its gone. Its not lie, say, somebody stealing your pie. Your can always get more pie, your virginity is bye bye forever!

I feel that you should only commit to the highest act of love with somebody that you really care about and truly feel that you love them and will spend your life with them.
I am a regular church goer (will be going in about 20 minutes ) but only became a Christian over the last couple of years so I already had views about sex before marriage. Because of this, i do not feel that sex before marriage is a 'sin' so to speak, because I just cant change what I believe like that. Maybe over time I will.
It is wrong - in my opinion - as Jo said to sleep with dozens of people just for the sake of it. It should be a deeply emotional time for both people involved.

remember that, highest act of love

[tanman]

Hi
No sure how old you are but makin love / havin sex is personnel and all that, but when you have been with a partner a long time you only remember when you 'did in the lift' or 'in the toilet of an aeroplane' although intimate and so forth life goes on and people only seem to remember the really high points as well as the low points in their life.

As for no sleepin with your partner before you get married imagine goin into a shoe shop and buying shoes too small they will hurt u from the start and leave a nasty memory in your head.

Thats my 2p worth

Tan

[directhex]

lovely practical analogy...

--jo

[Jimmy Little]

The average married couple spend 5% of there time in bed over the course of an average lifetime.... so building a relationship that is based on 'good sex' is like building a house on the sand.... I’m looking to build something more than that......

And my view on ‘good sex’ is it will be good if you both love each other….. no matter what…. Because it is the act of love that makes it work not lust….

i have not been a Christian all my life and have tasted sex before, and it has been pleasurable, but in relationships that have broken up, i have been left pretty empty.... and i HONESTY do regret ever sleeping with anyone....

[directhex]

5% of your lifetime? you sleep about 8 hours a day, which is 33% of your life. to spend onlt 5% of your life in bed with your husband or wife sets a mariage as lasting... 10 years?

spending you life with someone relies on a deep emotional bond with your partner - no doubts there. but man cannot live by bread alone, and it is importnat to be able to express your love physically in a way which appeals to you both. exploration of each others senses in the pursuit of mutual pleasure is an important part of the physical expression of affection - it's not something to rush into, it's not something to be taken lightly, but should it really be regulated by the bonds of marriage which can often run along highly unrealistic timescales? i love my girlfriend in every way - emotionally, spiritually, and physically - if one of those importnat details were neglected then it would lessen the whole effect.

--jo

[Slick]

I agree with most of what directhex has said. I've only ever had sex with 1 girl and we didn't want to rush into anything, so we agreed that we wouldn't do anything like that till we'd been going out for atleast 6 months. In the end it was about 8 months till anything happened because even after the 6 months was up we didn't feel like rushing. Now we've been going out one and a half years and things are still good, I'm glad we waited because otherwise I think basing a relationship around sex can mess things up as I've seen with mates' relationships. On the otherhand I'm not sure I could have waited till mariage because it's like you're not fully open with your partner till you have sex.

[eldren]

Originally posted by tanman
As for no sleepin with your partner before you get married imagine goin into a shoe shop and buying shoes too small they will hurt u from the start and leave a nasty memory in your head.

True, but most people don't court their desired pair of shoes over the course of months and years.

Remember too, that sex drives wane during the 40s and 50s, and that by the time you're 70, it's the relationship that counts, not the quality of sex had. Even if the sex isn't great, I don't believe it should be in any way a determining factor. The relationship should be more than strong enough to handle difficulties in that department.

Lastly, I think it would be better to wait until marriage. Because, as quite rightly said, sex is one of the highest physical expressions of love.

Or at least, should be. Not according to today's society, though.

[tanman]

All I can say is until you have been thru most things in a relationship. It would I imagine be pretty hard to sustain a marriage till death us do part.

Tan

[Jimmy Little]

sex is a KEY point in the marrage... but i don't get on with this "try before you buy thing" that people often talk about.... becuase if it's love then sex will be great! because it's love simple as that....

[TiG]

Just to play devils advocate on here,

What relevance does sex before marrage have in todays society?.
By this i mean everything is quick gratification, we've got meet markets in clubs/pubs where everyone wanting a one night stand will go to pick up someone.

We're hardly a religious society any more, i mean more people care about football than they do about the church.

I hardly think its worth spending too much time thinking about. If you find someone you like, its your choice when you have sex. Two consenting adults.

TiG

(p.s i don't do one night stands and don't neccessarily believe in what i've stated above but damn u need an alternative view)

[eldren]

In two words, moral decay. Which leads to social decay. Etc., etc.

PS: And, directhex, shouldn't there be more than just 5 minutes of squelching noises? Seems rather quick.

[directhex]

Originally posted by eldren
In two words, moral decay. Which leads to social decay. Etc., etc.

PS: And, directhex, shouldn't there be more than just 5 minutes of squelching noises? Seems rather quick.

the context made it clear i was speaking of the hypothetical "lad" who pulled. this isn't the place to discuss my stamina & methods in detail...

--jo

[eldren]

Was also speaking of said lad. Methinks the lady would be rather disappointed after that.

[fondie]

i don't find anything wrong with sex with those whom you don't love, as long as it's a mutual understanding, it may not mean as much as with those whom you do, but it *can* be better than whacking off over some porn.

this talk of a deeply emotional experience, it can be, or it can be just physical, as is masterbation, and there's nothing wrong with having a pleasurable physical experience if it doesn't hurt anyone.

if you are having sex for love, then great, but i feel you should trust each other enough, in the fact that they do love you, that you shouldn't need a certificate to prove it.

i would understand (and have no problems with) a girl saying that she didn't want to have sex until she was sure i was the 'right one' or until we truley did love each other, i would find it harder to accept if she wanted to wait until marriage, i'm not saying i wouldn't wait, but i would hope that someone i cared for that much would be able to trust me enough to love her.

[spikegifted]

To bring it down to the most basic level, sex is a method of spreading one's genes - no more, no less. For us, humans, we try to attach as much value to this act for religious reasons. If you look at other cultures, especially the tribal cultures in the past and present, sex is just sex. Where does love some in? Well, good sex tend to happen between two willing parties and if the two are actually in love, that fine. But that is not a pre-requesit.