Dating a girl with a child

[Biscuit]

Hi All,

I have recently managed to get myself back in the game and I have started seeing someone. She is a lovely girl and i think its going pretty well, but she has a little girl and I have no idea how I should act around her.

I knew about her having a child all along and its not something that bothers me, infact im quite keen to get to know the cheeky little scamp but as someone who has never had experience dealing with kids i was hoping someone could give me some advice?
Has anyone else ever been in the same situation?

[jimborae]

I'm in that situation now, in fact I'm step-father to an 11 year old and Dad to his 6 month old brother. As for advice that could be tricky as I reckon it depends on situation and how old the child is.

As for Cam he was 8 when his mother & I first got together and until she was confident that we were serious he didn't know I existed. i.e. it was dates out with her while he was at the grand-parents or I came over in the evening when he was sleep. After 3 months I was introduced as Mummy's friend and pretty soon he worked out on his own that we were more than friends but we didn't shove it in his face so to speak.

Furthermore his dad tragically died when Cam was only 18 months so he doesn't remember him so there aren't really any major issues there about me replacing him. Yes I'm authority figure to him but its very clear to him (and me) that I'm not his Dad and never will be. It helps that I knew his father so we can and do talk about him from time to time. When I was first getting to know the lad I just played with him so we became friends and our relationship developed from there. At first I was Mummy's friend, then his friend and then finally at school he refers to me as his step dad as it's just less complicated for all concerned. He doesn't call me me Dad and I wouldn't want him to, he knows who his father was and nobody wants to take that away from him.

All I can say is that dating a woman with a child can be very difficult for all concerned at times and it forces you to grow up fast (something I'm not good at either) but it also can be hugely rewarding so don't be put off. Just remember that the child will always come first, and rightly so, so don't do anything lightly and think how it will affect them before doing it.

Hope that helps.

J

[vicar]

Just be yourself.

I wish you all the best in your relationship.

[Biscuit]

I'm in that situation now, in fact I'm step-father to an 11 year old and Dad to his 6 month old brother. As for advice that could be tricky as I reckon it depends on situation and how old the child is.

As for Cam he was 8 when his mother & I first got together and until she was confident that we were serious he didn't know I existed. i.e. it was dates out with her while he was at the grand-parents or I came over in the evening when he was sleep. After 3 months I was introduced as Mummy's friend and pretty soon he worked out on his own that we were more than friends but we didn't shove it in his face so to speak.

Furthermore his dad tragically died when Cam was only 18 months so he doesn't remember him so there aren't really any major issues there about me replacing him. Yes I'm authority figure to him but its very clear to him (and me) that I'm not his Dad and never will be. It helps that I knew his father so we can and do talk about him from time to time. When I was first getting to know the lad I just played with him so we became friends and our relationship developed from there. At first I was Mummy's friend, then his friend and then finally at school he refers to me as his step dad as it's just less complicated for all concerned. He doesn't call me me Dad and I wouldn't want him to, he knows who his father was and nobody wants to take that away from him.

All I can say is that dating a woman with a child can be very difficult for all concerned at times and it forces you to grow up fast (something I'm not good at either) but it also can be hugely rewarding so don't be put off. Just remember that the child will always come first, and rightly so, so don't do anything lightly and think how it will affect them before doing it.

Hope that helps.

J

Thanks mate.

See the thing is that this relationship is moving pretty quickly, but its kind of understandable because a long time ago we were kinda in an on and off relationship but we parted ways when i went to university. Turns out we are still like opposite poles of a magnet!

It does seem kinda soon for me to be meeting the kid, but at the same time it doesn't feel wrong, if that makes sense? I mean she seems to be quite keen for me to do it and i would have to assume she knows what's best for her child.
The child is about 18 months old, and im not really sure any of the back story with the father, she doesn't seem overly eager to talk about it and I dont want to push her into doing so, but i would like to know. She refers to him as 'the idiot' so i guess that gives me a hint as to what to expect.

I certainly am going to have to grow up a bit for this, or perhaps be more of a kid?

Just be yourself.

I wish you all the best in your relationship.

Well the censored version of myself but yeah

Thanks for the kind words

[Phage]

I have five kids and my new other half has three !
It's complicated, fun, infuriating, lovely and hard work....but never dull.
Tread lightly, be yourself and don't stress too much. Disclaimer: I'm a hopeless old romantic !

[Phage]

Also at 18 months she/he is a toddler. You can't really go wrong. She may cry for no other reason than you're a new face. Don't worry about it, she'll stop soon enough. Relax and smile a lot.
Also worth telling the mum that you're quite nervous !

[Biscuit]

Oh she knows, i have told her shes going to have to direct me a bit

[Funkstar]

I met my wife three years ago, she had three kids, 9, 7 and 20 months. The little one took to me straight away, and I can't say I was too far behind her. She is my little girl.

I had no idea how to be around kids before meeting my wife, but I would say just be relaxed and yourself. Don't force it and it you will both learn how to be around each other very quickly.

[Biscuit]

Well it went pretty well, the mum said she had taken to me better than she usually takes to people and i had a lot of fun... bloody tiring though!
It didnt help that i struggled to sleep the night before and knew i had a 220+ mile drive straight after!

She was putting stickers in a little sticker book (i was helping her get them off the backing) and i keep finding them bloody everywhere, there was one stuck in my car... i have no idea how!?

[Phage]

Sticker Books !
That takes me back. You'll probably find them all over the place for days. I used to get a couple out of the washing machine everytime.

Good news all round. Well done to you both.

[MikeAndreson]

Probably she don't know what she feel about you. And hence she is indicating like this. I think your relationship will go far and hopefully we will hear a good news from you.

[Biscuit]

Sticker Books !
That takes me back. You'll probably find them all over the place for days. I used to get a couple out of the washing machine everytime.

Good news all round. Well done to you both.

The look of contemplation on her face when i asked, 'which sticker would you like next?' was fantastic.

[Gremlin_FLG]

If she puts the sticker on your car leave it there.. I suggest do not remove it..

[Biscuit]

If she puts the sticker on your car leave it there.. I suggest do not remove it..

>_< Seems ominous

[Gremlin_FLG]

Did you remove it?.. Normally if a kid puts it there she enjoys or likes your company.. Kids that age tends to notice things more than you know. I suggest put it back if you can.

[Biscuit]

Did you remove it?.. Normally if a kid puts it there she enjoys or likes your company.. Kids that age tends to notice things more than you know. I suggest put it back if you can.

Im pretty sure it came off my clothes, she never came into my car

Given the number of stickers everywhere on everything, i doubt she would have noticed anyway, but i wont see them for a couple of weeks because at the moment i live so far away