Clues to look out for when you're driving

[Rob]

This came to me driving home from work this morning, when I pulled in behind a car with a National Trust sticker in the back window. I automatically knew, just from the sticker, it was going to drive at 42mph (60mph - A Road), braking randomly.

Sooo... What clues can you derive from the stickers/badges on a car, to get an idea of their driving habits?

[Tumble]

I concluded this afternoon, driving behind a dirty red Mondeo, that the bloke couldn't drive a Diesel.... judging this by the alternation of brake lights and clouds of black smoke coming form the back... I bet I used less petrol than he did diesel.. on the loud on every straight bit.. merest bend.. on the anchors really hard.. all the way round, thinks about it for a second.. boots it again. Bet he thought he was shifting too.. think I used the brakes twice.. to avoid going into the back of him as he slowed to sub 30 speed round a 50mph corner

[Howard]

The "Rover" and "Mondeo" badges. <35MPH speeds guaranteed.

[Grey M@a]

Old people in a 35k bmw 7 series or mercs you know your 20 minute drive will take an hour. Morrisons lorries, they seem to like two lanes on the A1 :/

Biggest of all, my mum, look out for a purple 51 reg 3 door clio in newcastle you will be there all day.

[TeePee]

Icthus (Christian fish) <20mph at all times unless passing a school, when 40mph is acceptable. God will protect the children.

[Vimeous]

Clue 1 : The A40
Clue 2 : A long, long queue of traffic.

Result : Tesco or Wincanton lorry. Occasionally in convoy. Nose to tail toing 45mph on a 60mph single-carrageway. Ok it's the law for them but for goodness sake not when I'm on the damn road!

[DR]

Anyone driving a Vauxhall from Beconsfield to Aylesbury - don't chase him you will crash

[Atomic]

Baby on board sign in 4x4 or PeopleCarrier - Translated means: "I own the road because I have children"

[Zak33]

Anyone driving a Vauxhall from Beconsfield to Aylesbury - don't chase him you will crash

behave

For me the killer is this:

You can see the car is moving...indeed it is being driven....but you cant see anyone in it.

You CAN see hands on the wheel of the offending D reg Metro....and you can see a purple rinse just above the seat back.

All of these warnings are immediately prior to the following.

Sudden swerve to the right....

meander in the centre of the road.

Sudden swerve to the left....

indicators on , both sides, alternately.

Brake light...no sign of slowing.

Reverse light while still going forward......

and to rest!


That is how ALL the old dears drive round here

[Rob]

Icthus (Christian fish) <20mph at all times unless passing a school, when 40mph is acceptable. God will protect the children.

So True...

Don't forget those "Smashupack Motorcycle Courier" logo's - Which REALLY mean "I collect wing mirrors from the dotted white line"

[Tumble]

Volvo badge indicating that the driver is in a apc and thus going to survive any crash.

edited accordingly, Sir...

[Vimeous]

When seen from rear - head leaning towards the handbrake.
When seen from the front - Right hand attached to the steering wheel at 12 o'clock, arm titanium rod-straight.

Did I mention the baseball cap clearly viewable from all angles?

This person, of indistinct gender, is best avoided as the the bodykit is 90% filler and the driving needs some serious papering over as well. Usually found occupying the one area of the road they shouldn't be, driving as slowly as poss, staring at everyone or their partner in the adjacent seat/bucket. Just not the road.

[Zak33]

ooh gotta go with Vimeous on tihs, but stregthen it.

When seen from the rear: Left shoulder slooped dangerously low, entire chest aimed towards passengers footwell, back of head aimed up into rear quarterlight/window, therefore face looking down to stereo headunit. Back of neck weird obstructed by something beige.

Left arm extended to volume control, for permanent corrections.

-----

When seen from Right Side, looking into drivers side:
Right arm, as previously mentions, locked solid and large gold rings seen glinting. Right eyebrow cocked very high, and right eye ball moving at intense speed, covering every angle, to see if anyone is watching where the deep pounding bass is emmenating. Close up view shows the Burberry Baseball Cap, worn backwards, covering the neck area.


Otherwise....Vimeous has it all covered.

[DR]

I got in the car the other day with a friend to get a lift to the station (wanted to drink in London so didn't take mine).

She drove so close to the car in front - and it was raining - I will never get in a car with her again, I was scared, really scared. More scared than being in a car with Zak.

[kushtibari]

Cloth caps - usually indicates a retired farmer who hasn't a clue what all them white lines and signs mean. He just gets in and drives on the road with the same care as driving his tractor across the field.

[Rob]

Blue/white or blue/green chequers, and Red/Yellow chevrons in Retro Reflective means "Oh Sheeeeeeet", and your car will suddenly and unexplicably slow to the speed limit.