I am the walking dead (well sitting)

[chriswood_7]

OPTION 2!


While browsing the store during your lunch hour (you stepped in to get out of the rain) you noticed that your back pocket felt rather light. Upon checking said pocket, you realised that your wallet was missing. You attempted to call the office to find out if you had left it there, but couldnt get a signal, so making your way to the front door to see if the reception was any better you accidentally bumped into an old lady who spilled her bag all over the floor. While you were helping her with her bag, you notice that one of the items in her bag was your wallet!!!!!

At which point the salesman turns up to tell the lady that her TV would be delivered that afternoon, THE HORROR!

the crafty old biddy made her getaway by dropping her walking stick between your legs tripping you up as you grabbed for your wallet, just managing to snag it from her before she legged it.

The management were of course completely apologetic and offered a full refund, but the dismayed look on the poor young sales lads face as he saw his biggest sale of the year slide right out of his grasp broke your heart and you decided to keep the TV.

Do you, by any chance, write scripts for low budget Hollywood movies?

[Lee H]

Do you, by any chance, write scripts for low budget Hollywood movies?

lol I bet he's a romance writer for Mills and Boon really

[listy]

lol I bet he's a romance writer for Mills and Boon really

that not your 2nd job or agony aunt

[Dareos]

The Mills and Boon Version (edited)

"Honey, come into the living room and see what a big surprise I have for you" he purred, gently carressing the nape of her neck with his large capable hands, "i'm sure you'll love it"
"Oh, but its massive", she moaned, secretly delighted at the shimmering screen with its taut chrome lines perfectly accentuating the silver flecks in her lovers eyes, "but can we afford it now? What with the new Aston Martin, and the yacht needs repairs.." she trailed off as he took her in his toned arms, holding her close to his perfectly sculpted pectoral muscles.
"Relax my darling" he whispered seductively "we can afford it, my old reclusive aunt died last week and has left us her entire fortune, including a small island in the Maldives, you deserve the best my love, and you shall have it", and with that he lowered her gently to the settee and /snip


you can buy the full version at all good bookshops now!

[SiM]

rofl... Dareos is is the king rofler!!

[Mossy]

The Mills and Boon Version (edited)

"Honey, come into the living room and see what a big surprise I have for you" he purred, gently carressing the nape of her neck with his large capable hands, "i'm sure you'll love it"
"Oh, but its massive", she moaned, secretly delighted at the shimmering screen with its taut chrome lines perfectly accentuating the silver flecks in her lovers eyes, "but can we afford it now? What with the new Aston Martin, and the yacht needs repairs.." she trailed off as he took her in his toned arms, holding her close to his perfectly sculpted pectoral muscles.
"Relax my darling" he whispered seductively "we can afford it, my old reclusive aunt died last week and has left us her entire fortune, including a small island in the Maldives, you deserve the best my love, and you shall have it", and with that he lowered her gently to the settee and /snip


you can buy the full version at all good bookshops now!

Your in the wrong proffession dude, soo funny

[chriswood_7]

The Mills and Boon (geordie version)

"Here, wor lass, come in the sittin room and have a ganders at this big telly, liek. A naar ye probly winnet like it, but its tuff cuz ahh dee." He said with a bold tone,

"Wey a telt yee we cannit afford it man, what we ganna dee for money nu like?" She replied, with a slight annoyance in her voice.

"Well aah divent care what yee dee, im watchin Neighbours then gannin oot" He snarled, as he tuned in to his favourite soap



Being a fellow geordie, and obviously understanding all of that, Im not offended. However, if I do offend anyone, please tell me and I will edit

Heheh

[iranu]

Its a TV for christ sake, why should she care? Its not like its a car or house...

She cares because she didn't have any say in the decision. It tends to put their backs up because they feel that they haven't been consulted and therefore feel/unloved/unwanted/ignored.

(Yes a generalisation, I know 3 men who have very laid back and understanding wives, but in the case of my Dad's buying experience a couple of years back it was real hell.)

The keys to getting away with it are;

1. Bargain. Most women love shopping and all women love getting a bargain so you have to really push the "how much money I saved" angle rather than the "how much it cost" angle.

2. I wanted to surprise you. This gets around the uncomfortable - I wanted it and knew you'd kick up a fuss. Say things like I thought of you and how good the flowers would look on Gardners World when I bought it (worked for my dad). Insert other wive's favourite progs here.

3. Ask her to help you install it even if she doesn't know her RGB elbow from her HDMI arse. It inloves her in the process and won't look as if it's you and your new boy's toy selfishness. Say things like, "look at all the space we now have in our living room" after getting rid of the skip sized 32" CRT.

4. Make sure that she watches all her favorite programs/films etc first before you settle down to watch the footie.

Also don't get you mates around asap to show off, get hers round instead! Ensure that you are the one waiting on them hand and foot whilst they watch what ever wishy washy crap they want to.

5. With the saved money from the bargain (wink wink) purchase something small and thoughtful for her (there's that new age-reducing face cream from Boots - a years supply should do the trick j/k)

6. Cook a meal - tell her you love her - wash up - do the hoovering/dusting - back/foot rub - take the kids to their after school clubs. Anything to grovel as a last resort, she might make you pay for you new toy.

Devious? Moi? Never.

P.S. Good luck.

[MaddAussie]

Class!

Thing is ive not got this image in my head of Matt Lucas dressed as Dame Barabara Cartland......

[Lee H]

Thing is ive not got this image in my head of Matt Lucas dressed as Dame Barabara Cartland......

You sure it's him and not Rasher

[dangel]

The prize (without a doubt) goes to Dareos - wonderfully creative and most amusing. In fact, I just let my missus read this thread (after telling her) and all is good. Well, aside from threats to spend equally large amounts of cash on something pointless and womanly

Which TV? It's a Samsung like this one:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...ctiveda3017-21

I got it for less than that with 3 years warranty thrown in. It's supposed to be the dogs as it's actually good at blacks and does 1:1 pixel mapping Neato..

[dave87]

gah, that puts the 32" that I was looking at to shame

Ah well, being a student I can't expect a nice house and a nice telly (my student house is currently being built )

[SiM]

gah, that puts the 32" that I was looking at to shame

Ah well, being a student I can't expect a nice house and a nice telly (my student house is currently being built )

get a 30 inch dell

[dave87]

If I was gunna get a Dell, it would be the 37" so I could have the detatchable speakers. That and my current HTPC wouldn't be up to the insane resolutions - no dual link DVI

[Nick]

She cares because she didn't have any say in the decision. It tends to put their backs up because they feel that they haven't been consulted and therefore feel/unloved/unwanted/ignored.

(Yes a generalisation, I know 3 men who have very laid back and understanding wives, but in the case of my Dad's buying experience a couple of years back it was real hell.)

The keys to getting away with it are;

1. Bargain. Most women love shopping and all women love getting a bargain so you have to really push the "how much money I saved" angle rather than the "how much it cost" angle.

2. I wanted to surprise you. This gets around the uncomfortable - I wanted it and knew you'd kick up a fuss. Say things like I thought of you and how good the flowers would look on Gardners World when I bought it (worked for my dad). Insert other wive's favourite progs here.

3. Ask her to help you install it even if she doesn't know her RGB elbow from her HDMI arse. It inloves her in the process and won't look as if it's you and your new boy's toy selfishness. Say things like, "look at all the space we now have in our living room" after getting rid of the skip sized 32" CRT.

4. Make sure that she watches all her favorite programs/films etc first before you settle down to watch the footie.

Also don't get you mates around asap to show off, get hers round instead! Ensure that you are the one waiting on them hand and foot whilst they watch what ever wishy washy crap they want to.

5. With the saved money from the bargain (wink wink) purchase something small and thoughtful for her (there's that new age-reducing face cream from Boots - a years supply should do the trick j/k)

6. Cook a meal - tell her you love her - wash up - do the hoovering/dusting - back/foot rub - take the kids to their after school clubs. Anything to grovel as a last resort, she might make you pay for you new toy.

Devious? Moi? Never.

P.S. Good luck.

Hang on a flippin second... Just hold the damn PHONE!

What's all this grovelling and scraping rubbish?

This is just wrong, just plain bloody worng.

Why on earth should you have to wait on her hand and foot cos you bought a TV?

Nah, nah... no way. Not happening.

Sure, apologise for not getting her involved but gently point out that if you hadn't just gone and bought it you'd never have got a new one...

Listen, if women want equality they can have it and all the hardships it brings with it... so unless she's prepared to wait on you and your mates when they come round to admire your new telly.

Sorry to all the ladies who frequent HEXUS but I am now officially sick of this whole 'fairer sex with equal rights' crap. Especially if it means some poor sod has to eat humble pie and debase himself over a bloody telly.

Look, you've bought it now, there's no going back on it. So she's just going to have to accept it, just like you accept that she clutters up the bathroom with more candles and bottle of smelly stuff than you'd find in your average new age shop...

It's all about give and take... she shouldn't give a hoot over the telly and if she does she can take herself off to her mothers for the weekend.

[mart_haj86]

Rofl, That man is a legend^