Midweek Joke

[Zak33]

its 2:30 am and husband and wife are fast asleep, when there's a knock at the door. Mrs kicks her husband and say "Go on...answer it...might be important"

So he gets outta bed, grabs his bath robe, and stumbles, bleary eyed, down stairs and opens the door. It is chucking it down out there, and in the pitch black a folorn figure of a man stands.

He's a bit drunk.....*hick* "Sorry to bother you, but could you give me a push please?" *hick*

The house owner looks at him and says "Its 2:30 in the morning, I've gotta get up in 4 hours and its chucking it down....are you mad?" and slams the door, stumbles back to bed.

"Who was it honey?" she says as he climbs back into his warm bed.
"oh some bloke who wanted a push. Its 2:30 and chucking it down and I told him to bugger off"

"You selfish, heartless git," she says, and he looks all suprised.
"But he's drunk"
"2 years ago, on our honeymoon, when the rental car broke down, we had to aks for help, and two lads from that bar, pushed our car for ages to try and get it started. And it was raining. Without them, our holiday would have been ruined. Dont be so selfsih.....go and help the poor man in his hour of need"

So, grumbling, he gets up, pulls on his jeans, some shoes and a jumper and trots down the stairs.

He opens the door, to the pouring rain and pitch darkness, but there's no one there. He walks out, and cant see anyone or anything except rain

"Are you still out here mate? Do ya need a push" he calls

A hopefull voice pipes up..."Yeah..."

"Where are ya?"

" Over here...on the swings"

[streetster]

*groan*

[Zedmeister]

And the prize for the most droll joke of the week goes to....

[Zak33]

I thought it was funny...

want another? ok

What's Brown and Sticky?

a Stick

[LWA]

I thought it was funny...

want another? ok

What's Brown and Sticky?

a Stick

Here's more just as bad as that one:

Q: What is pink and fluffy?
A: Pink Fluff

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot

Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"

Sorry about those

[Tomahawk]

lol not really funny. .what made it funny was that I originally thought the guy wanted to be pushed?! lol. .didnt realise he wanted his car pushed!


Heres a oh soo funny one. . .

What did the apple say to the orange ??

Ans: Nothing stupid, apples can't talk!

[Tumble]

two parrots standing on a perch.. one turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish??"

[LWA]

Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "can you smell carrot?"

[mr_anderson187]

i dont get Big_leons joke

well heres mine...
Q:What do you have when you have one green ball in your right hand and one
green ball in your left hand?

A:Kermit the Frog's full attention.

[megah0]

a cafe in glasgow was shut down last week after 2 men drowned in a bowl of museli

Apparently a strong currant pulled them under

[LWA]

i dont get Big_leons joke

Really? It's because when you make a snowman their noses are normally carrots. So they can smell carrot? Funny eh?

I'll get my coat

[mr_anderson187]

ah rite, it requires an intelligence level unatainable by me, mgh0s wasnt bad either

[[R4A]Bigman]

Two cows in a field.

One says to the other "You herd (AhHAHAHA IM SOOO FUNNY, ahem) about that mad cow disease? I'm worried about it."

The other says "Yeah, but it doesn't affect me, I'm a duck."

[mad_allan]

Shamelessly stolen from another forum today

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People.
The nanny, we will consider her The Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now,"

The father says, "Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep ****."

[[GSV]Trig]

Whats the difference between light and hard...




You can sleep with the light on.

[Daymonkey]

LoL most of the jokes are funny, apart from a few, I thought it was funny to Zak