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Thread: Life Tips.

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    Life Tips.

    Just some little pointers I’ve picked up, in my 24 years on this Earth. Feel free to add your own life tips.

    1) Auschwitz and Leeds are not twinned, it just seems that way.

    2) You should never be able to carve milk.

    3) Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not trying to fit a whole one in your eye.

    4) When trying to get a woman to give you oral sex, avoid at all costs the word 'gob'.

    5) Even small, placid dogs will bite you, if you try to squeeze them into a Jack Daniels bottle.

    6) 'If there's grass on the wicket, let’s play cricket' will not stand up as a defence, in a court of law.

    7) Chimpanzees are very intelligent creatures, very similar in evolutionary terms to humans, but asking one to mind the desk for you while you pop out for a sarny and a drink will not work, as they will just mess about, eat things, and make a mess, leading to you almost certainly getting caught.

    8) Even small Elephants can push you about – and they will.

    9) Standing outside the local library with a big sign saying 'No books today, sorry' actually works. People accept it and go home.

    10) You can 'skim' a hobnob really far, but it’s expensive. Use Rich Tea instead, they go almost as far, and it’s much cheaper.

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    If your 5555... Swafe's Avatar
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    Rich tea go furthur !
    Quote Originally Posted by Knoxville
    As I find big muff's to be a bit of an aquired taste
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    Administrator Moby-Dick's Avatar
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    nice ones

    I'll have to think of some.
    my Virtualisation Blog http://jfvi.co.uk Virtualisation Podcast http://vsoup.net

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    'ave it. Skii's Avatar
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    11) My mum didn't have sex with you last night , she has never met you.

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    Administrator Moby-Dick's Avatar
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    12. You'll always regret opening that 3rd bottle of wine
    my Virtualisation Blog http://jfvi.co.uk Virtualisation Podcast http://vsoup.net

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    Quote Originally Posted by Moby-Dick
    12. You'll always regret opening that 3rd bottle of wine
    ... with your ear.

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    HEXUS.Metal Knoxville's Avatar
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    • Knoxville's system
      • Motherboard:
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    12) Making fun of retarded midgets is not big or clever

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    Administrator Moby-Dick's Avatar
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    13) Drinking and Dialing wrecks lives...stay away from communications equipment , unless its to call a cab.
    my Virtualisation Blog http://jfvi.co.uk Virtualisation Podcast http://vsoup.net

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    14) An unlikely friendship developing between an Irish Republican Army volunteer, and a kidnapped British soldier lured into an IRA trap is the plot of the Crying Game, not Bodger and Badger.

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    Don't feed the trolls... tiggerai's Avatar
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    Humans own dogs, cats own humans.

    (also, a cat will never let you forget this fact)
    Last edited by tiggerai; 16-08-2005 at 04:12 PM.

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    Hard liquor & online shopping often lead to expensive supprises.
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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    Quote Originally Posted by 0iD
    Hard liquor & online shopping often lead to expensive supprises.
    http://www.thedrinkshop.com/products...hp?prodid=1705

    89.9%

    'Ave it!

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    I Am A Princess! shelley bda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 0iD
    Hard liquor & online shopping often lead to expensive supprises.
    This happens regularly in our house, we are on first name terms with our postman

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    www.evilmunky.com EvilMunky's Avatar
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    Absinthe + Shot Glasses + A Dare Which includes finishing the bottle does not allow you to wake up for an early shift the next day

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart
    Nice, just ordered a bottle
    I normally drink Sebor
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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    If your 5555... Swafe's Avatar
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    Why don't I just get some 100% ethanol from my uni store

    Sure it might kill you, but the fuzzy feeling might be worth it
    Quote Originally Posted by Knoxville
    As I find big muff's to be a bit of an aquired taste
    AMD Athlon 4400X2 @ 2.565PenisextentionMhz
    Dual Layer, Gold Plated, LED Power,Dual Golden OMG IT MAKES MY CodPiece BIGGER 1-1-1-1 DDR62.3 @ 1222.3433Mhz
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    Oh, did I mention.....I like sheep.....


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