Age gaps in relationships.

[Saracen]

Seems most people here have a older BF/GF.
....

Not me. Younger wife.

But I've been married long enough (about 30 seconds should be enough) to know better than to discuss how much younger, or how old she is, in public, let alone in public in writing.

[Lee H]

I've swapped the usual younger women for one that is 5 years older.

I'm 31 (just!) and she's 36

[Blitzen]

I've swapped the usual younger women for one that is 5 years old.

I'm 31 (just!) and she's 36

Lee...i think you need to edit your post.

I think 5 Years Old is over stepping the mark just a bit.........

[finlay666]

You're so funny... Just to clarify - he's 11 years OLDER (for those who are TOO YOUNG to be mature yet....)

Just ribbing rai


My gf is a little bit older than me, only a few weeks though, never bothered me before and normally date older ladies, following the standard theory of 2 years younger I'd be dating her sister..... and I don't want to do that lol

[dangel]

My wife's 1.5 months my younger - i feel so dirty.

[Lee H]

Lee...i think you need to edit your post.

Oops - editted.

Cheers for spotting that

[Behemoth]

Hell on earth, this has made 4 pages !! I wasn't expecting to see all that many replies in all honesty !!

I posted for advice I guess mainly because I've been burned very badly in years gone by, my last g/f tried to kill me three times, I don't actually know if I've posted the full story here or not, but meh it's ancient history now, and ever since then I've been very wary of women.

I don't think it helps that my ex then was a complete and utter fruit loop with serious mental issues (her name was Carrie lol) and I guess I'm looking for someone who is very switched on and mature enough to take responsibilty for her own actions, which Carrie wasn't. When something went wrong she was always ready to blame someonelse or an event from her past.

I've gotten pretty close to some, thought I was in with a chance and have been blown out at the last second (I know we've all been there) and each time it's quite a knock to the confidence.

Anyway she's on Facebook quite regularly, and I'll see her at work tomorrow, if I get a chance I'll see if I can get her to come out for a drink with me one evening after work and see how it goes from there. I'm quite happy to still be friends with her if it doesn't work, it's just I'd like it to be more than friends.

All other considerations have been duly noted from all of you who have been kind enough to post, humerous and those being serious, so thanks to all

[tiggerai]

Good on you I say!

A lot of us have been burned before - I know I have, but the only way of getting over it is to move on and get back on your horse after a fall.

let us know how it goes

[BlackDwarf]

I've been with my girlfriend for a month and a half now. I'm 23, she's 35. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and we're ridiculously in love. I'm more than prepared to spend the rest of my life with her. This sounds stupid, and I'm more than prepared to get flak for it, but when you know, you know.

[watforddude]

Its not so bad now, but when she is 50, you will be 38 ... Thats if things go well and right.

Personally I think its too much.

I do agree with everyone else, but the thought of you being 48 when she is 60, i agree with stringent - depends what you want out of this? just a giggle under the sheets or something more serious, but what starts as a giggle leads to more serious things anyway, if i where you id put more thought into it, also bare in mind that you said she is moving away if her house sells.

[Saracen]

Its not so bad now, but when she is 50, you will be 38 ... Thats if things go well and right.

Personally I think its too much.

I do agree with everyone else, but the thought of you being 48 when she is 60, i agree with stringent - depends what you want out of this? just a giggle under the sheets or something more serious, but what starts as a giggle leads to more serious things anyway, if i where you id put more thought into it, also bare in mind that you said she is moving away if her house sells.

I'm not convinced it does matter that much, for two reasons.

First, age differences compress with age. When you're 10, 9 year olds are sub-human creatures not worth noting. By the time you're thirty, a one year age gap isn't noticeable. And much bigger gaps aren't noticeable, and at early ages than that, in fact.

And the process, IMHO, continues. By the time you're 48, your view on things like the age of women changes. Well, unless you're a rock star (etc) it does anyway. Okay, a gorgeous teenage girl is still gorgeous, but I at 50 or 60 wouldn't date one because :-

- it'd make me look like a sad old <bleep>
- it'd mean I was a sad old <bleep>
- there are limited reasons why a gorgeous teenager would date a old fart of that age, none of them flattering
- I'd feel like a cradle-snatcher if my 'date' was young enough to be my grandkid.
- the difference in experience and perspective would be far more important than the difference in age

Okay, that's an extreme example, but my point is that, IMHO of course, women that to a youngster man (or boy) might look like an old hag actually tend to look like mature (and often beautiful) women when you get older, and gorgeous teenage kids look more like kids than anything else. And act like it too.

How you see 12-year age difference at 50 is, I'm convinced, different to how you'd see it (or how I did anyway) in my 20's. She, after all, will still only be the same 12 years older than she was when they got together, and the whole time. Age, and looks, are less and less important, both as time goes past, and as a relationship goes from initial "fancying" to a more mature basis. The personality is FAR more important than looks.

And second, if she's the right one, then she's the right one and the age won't matter. And if she isn't the right one, the odds are it won't last long enough for what she's like at 60 to be an issue. What her being 60 and him 48 is like won't matter if she'd the one, and he'll likely not find out if she isn't, so worry about the next year (or so) now, not about a quarter of a century's time.

After all, if global warning is right, the earth might have melted by then, and we'll all have evolved back into fish.

[razer121]

hm so...after reading all that how is it going? im pretty intrested to know how things roll out! call me nosey and all but.....

[Behemoth]

Well after telling her after work today we both agreed that given she'll be going when her house sells and she's leaving the county it would be a bit pointless starting anything, so friends it is.

If it wasn't for that then well it would have been a different story.

Am I upset ? A little but I'll get over it.

Once again thanks to all.

[manwithnoname]

At least, in a couple of years time, you won't be thinking if only i'd asked.

[Guy]

I have been watching this thread with some interest.

Currently (as some of my mates have put it!) the 'bit of skirt' I'm chasing is older, 6-7 years I think?

Does this bother me? Not one bit, tbh the age part of it has never actually crossed my mind. Whilst it really isnt that much of a gap, when put that I am much closer to my 20's and she is almost at the 30's stage a few people I have discussed this with seemed a little shocked.

To me age is the last thing that I am thinking about. We get on like a house on fire, no subjects are ever off limits, everything just feels so natural and easy. No pressure to try and be something I am not, or constantly trying to impress, just nice and laid back.

Before this, the girl in question was 8 or so years older, so yeah as far as I am concerned a bit of an age gap is something that is welcomed. As from past experience being with someone of the same age doesnt always work out, in fact its kind of put me off that idea for life!

[razer121]

Well after telling her after work today we both agreed that given she'll be going when her house sells and she's leaving the county it would be a bit pointless starting anything, so friends it is.

If it wasn't for that then well it would have been a different story.

Am I upset ? A little but I'll get over it.

Once again thanks to all.

hm well you know when she does leave i reckon you should give her a ...."going away" present i think she would agree