Age gaps in relationships.

[Behemoth]

You wouldn't believe how many times I've started the opening post to this thread this evening and then binned it because I've not been happy with how I've worded it and have started it again. I think this time I've cracked it.

Quite some time ago, when at work I was talking to one of my work mates on the shop floor during a slow gap between customers (I think it was just after 5pm or something, normally the time when people who work 9 - 5 go home) and she was talking to me quite happily when she said "Oh Simon, your such a distraction, I've got something I need to do"

I was intrigued by this and wondered why she'd say something like that, so jokingly I replied "It's only because you fancy me" With that she went bright red and then sort of walked away but then came back again and sheepisly admited that yes she did.

I was actually kinda flattered by it, but wasn't really sure of my feelings towards her at the time. Now I must point out that she is a great deal older than me (she's 42) I'm 28. Hence the thread about age gaps.

See the thing is now, I like her too, not so much that I fancy her, she's not exactly ugly, but's not a stunner either, but it's more her personality that I'm attracted too.

The problem is, since this I think she has a deep routed objection to the age gap. We've joked about it before she admiited it and after, she's always said "But I'm old enough to be your mother" Normally an age gap like this would put me off, but actually it hasn't.

I found out earlier last week that she may be eaving the county next year if the sale of her house goes through, and I don't want her to go. She'd been hinting at things like her fride was empty, which was like her life, and I thought she was referring to the fact that she's single.

The thing is I know I should just man up and tell her, but if it all goes wrong, and I'm very bad at this sort of thing it's going to make working with her very diffiicult indeed. We've already had one relationship between two colleagues go very wrong because the female half went and cheated with another male colleague.

But I think in this case it's the age gap thats putting her off, and I think thats going to be the hardest objection to overcome.

Your thoughts ladies and gents ?

[Michael]

I'm 21, girlfriend is 31 in Febuary.

It's just a number mate, why not.

Edit: We've been together since I was 18.

[TAKTAK]

Man up and go get.

Seriously though, who implemented that an age gap was a faux pas?

If you like each other then go for it, dive in at the deep end, if you don't ask you don't get...

The worst thing that can happen is she says no and there is a little bit of awkwardness for a week or so, it'll subside quickly anyway...

You only live once...

[mmh]

go out for a drink, whats the worst that can happen?

[TAKTAK]

go out for a drink, whats the worst that can happen?

[format]

go out for a drink, whats the worst that can happen?

Good advice. If she makes you happy then why not

[Behemoth]

go out for a drink, whats the worst that can happen?

She doesn't drink but I see what your getting at.

[Repressor]

Seems to work perfectly......

[emzallan]

Just go for it, see what happens, it isn't as if you are marrying her or anything!

I think a larger age gap is easier the older people are. 5 or so years older when you are 16 is quite a lot but 10 years older at say 25 isn't necessarily that big a deal.

Many people have slightly different relationships because of height or race or disability or gender or whatever, someone will always have stupid comments to make, but that is their issue not yours, and you might well find that it isn't such a big deal as you think.

Do what makes you feel happy.

[IronWarrior]

A 13 or 14 year age gap is nothing, get her to not to worry about it.

[Saracen]

I think I'd be more concerned about the potential for problems with dating someone at work than about the age gap, but even that isn't insurmountable, and that there might be a problem at work if it goes south doesn't mean there will be.

There's an old saying, Behemoth ..... better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It might be a bit trite but there's a lot of truth in it. Or to put it another way, I'd rather regret doing something than regret that I didn't try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If you go for it and it doesn't happen, oh well. Move on. If you go for it and it doesn't last, oh well, you had some good times and you'll get over it.

But if you don't go for it, you'll probably always wonder what you might have missed out on. No regret is quite as bitter as that of wasted opportunity. Live life a bit dude, and as others have said .... go get.

And I expect an invite to the wedding. But if it's a disaster, it's nothing to do with me.

[Allen]

If you go for it and it doesn't happen, oh well. Move on. If you go for it and it doesn't last, oh well, you had some good times and you'll get over it.

But if you don't go for it, you'll probably always wonder what you might have missed out on. No regret is quite as bitter as that of wasted opportunity. Live life a bit dude, and as others have said .... go get.

This.

No seriously, I've spend the past five years of my life regretting not telling someone how I actually feel about them, it's not pleasant. The problem is, I've left it for so long now that we're good friends and I risk losing that good friendship if I tell her and it doesn't go well! (cliche, I know...)

And with regards to the age thing, about 10 years ago I had a relationship with someone who was roughly 11 years older than me... and it was lots of fun! It's just a number, who cares?

[mycarsavw]

As long as you never, ever, EVER work out how she was when you were born, you'll be fine.

(big age gap here, happiest I've ever been)

[kalniel]

I know several cases where an age gap this way round hasn't worked, and one where it has. But my advice would be to ignore that last sentance - there are so many other things that are far more important - it shouldn't be hanging on just the age gap thing.

But also be careful that you're not just liking her because you found out she likes you

[0iD]

If it's love, then it'll work My aunt and uncle were 12 years apart & had a very long & happy marriage. In my experience it's better to try than to always wonder what could've been.

[abaxas]

The gold rule is

Half age and age 7.

Eg 40 years old 20 +7 = 27
50 years old 25 + 7 = 32

Get stuck in! The only problem I can see is having a relationship with a work collegue has it's own set of issues.