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About LinkBacksThanks!Originally Posted by Splash
Thanks!
All mine are gone for now - I'm sure more will arrive soon
I've got 3 more Windows Live Messenger invites up for grabs, PM me if your interested.
if anyone has spares > turbonutterfast_uk@hotmail.co.uk
cheers
Joke Duly added
Being a Man!
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands,
open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't.
Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policemen but even saying it to
kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? G*y. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the
ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whistle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and
as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
rubbish
- noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then
nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while
everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an
iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying
they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of
your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" "Grr, what does
it look like".
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you
to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",
it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean
you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest
of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue,
apparently.Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARRVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST-SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The
only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically,
makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled
in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand
there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer
gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off? Nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?"
Last edited by 0iD; 07-01-2006 at 05:44 PM.
[
hugo_horse@hotmail.com would be appriciated
It is Inevitable.....
invites sent to Oid and Ikonia - dont forget to post a joke
3 left here
my Virtualisation Blog http://jfvi.co.uk Virtualisation Podcast http://vsoup.net
Here's my Joke...
Teacher asked Alice one day:
"What did you do at playtime?
Alice said
"I played in the sand box"
The Teacher said "That's good. Go to the blackboard and if you can spell 'sand' correctly i'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
Alice does and spells 'sand' correctly and the teacher gives her a cookie.
Teacher then asked Johnny what he did at playtime. Johnny said:
"I played with Alice in the sandbox"
The Teacher says "good now if you can spell 'box' then i'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
Johnny proceeds to write out 'box' on the blackboard thereby earning himself a fresh baked cookie.
The Teacher then asked Mustapha what he did at playtime. He says,
"I tired to play in the sandbox with Alice and Johnny but they threw rocks at me."
The Teacher gasps "Threw rocks at you!?"
The Teacher then goes on to say,
"That sounds like blatant institiutional racial discrimination. If you go to the blackboard and spell blatent institutional racial discrimination, i'll give you a cookie"
Invite to rich_j666@hotmail.com please
Last edited by divinemadness; 07-01-2006 at 01:33 PM.
Cheers Paul - much appreciated
I'll give out a couple of mine if I get some
invite sent to divinemadness
my Virtualisation Blog http://jfvi.co.uk Virtualisation Podcast http://vsoup.net
Ta very muchly, downloading now.
shortysgroove [at] hotmail. com if anyone can spare one
A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.
"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.
"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"
"50p."
"In a world without walls and fences, who needs Windows and Gates?"
Sentshortysgroove [at] hotmail. com if anyone can spare one
2 left.
~ I have CDO. It's like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be. ~
PC: Win10 x64 | Asus Maximus VIII | Core i7-6700K | 16GB DDR3 | 2x250GB SSD | 500GB SSD | 2TB SATA-300 | GeForce GTX1080
Camera: Canon 60D | Sigma 10-20/4.0-5.6 | Canon 100/2.8 | Tamron 18-270/3.5-6.3
curly01[at]ntlworld.com
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Curly
Sent.
1 left now.
~ I have CDO. It's like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be. ~
PC: Win10 x64 | Asus Maximus VIII | Core i7-6700K | 16GB DDR3 | 2x250GB SSD | 500GB SSD | 2TB SATA-300 | GeForce GTX1080
Camera: Canon 60D | Sigma 10-20/4.0-5.6 | Canon 100/2.8 | Tamron 18-270/3.5-6.3
msn at stevekerrison.com
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug.
PHP Code:$s = new signature();
$s->sarcasm()->intellect()->font('Courier New')->display();
Sent.
All tapped out for invites now.
~ I have CDO. It's like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be. ~
PC: Win10 x64 | Asus Maximus VIII | Core i7-6700K | 16GB DDR3 | 2x250GB SSD | 500GB SSD | 2TB SATA-300 | GeForce GTX1080
Camera: Canon 60D | Sigma 10-20/4.0-5.6 | Canon 100/2.8 | Tamron 18-270/3.5-6.3
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