Cheer up.

[Lucio]

.... i just feel like shouting "GET A GRIP!" ...

Unfortunately it's a *really* bad thing to say to someone with real depression, can guarentee you *nothing* makes you feel worse than being deliberately reminded that you're feeling low for no good reason.

For a more accurate analogy, it's like telling someone with cancer to cure themselves. You can't, no matter how much you want to.

Yes a positive mental attitude helps a little, but it doesn't get you away from the days where all you feel is the desire to cut yourself, or hurl yourself in front of a train or engage in any one of the myriad of self destructive acts someone with depression experiences. You really aren't in your right mind, and what's worse, there's always a tiny corner of your brain that recognises that fact....

So, sorry for slightly derailing this thread, but 0id managed to trigger one of my biggest pet peeves!

[matty-hodgson]

Unfortunately it's a *really* bad thing to say to someone with real depression, can guarentee you *nothing* makes you feel worse than being deliberately reminded that you're feeling low for no good reason.

For a more accurate analogy, it's like telling someone with cancer to cure themselves. You can't, no matter how much you want to.

Yes a positive mental attitude helps a little, but it doesn't get you away from the days where all you feel is the desire to cut yourself, or hurl yourself in front of a train or engage in any one of the myriad of self destructive acts someone with depression experiences. You really aren't in your right mind, and what's worse, there's always a tiny corner of your brain that recognises that fact....

So, sorry for slightly derailing this thread, but 0id managed to trigger one of my biggest pet peeves!

I TOTALLY understand in the case of clinical depression and similar cases to that, but there's certain people that are just sad for the sake of being sad.. like a certain girl at school, she just goes off on one every time anyone says anything to her. no-one would go uptown with her today so she messed up everyone's chips on the poker table for absolutely no reason other than we're sick of going into town for dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY.

but yeah, my main point is some people are just sad cos they think it gets them attention and makes people feel sorry for them but really they just get pissed off with them.

i'm sad to hear you've had/are having depression problems as well mate been in that state long? :\

[Lucio]

i'm sad to hear you've had/are having depression problems as well mate been in that state long? :\

About 15 years so far, intially they thought it was a reaction to the breakup of my family (there's a whole host of gory details but not needed on a public forum!), but as time went on it became clear that it was clinical depression.

It's hard to describe, but most days, or rather most hours of any given day, I'm fine, I'll laugh, I'll chat away and generally take part in life. Just... there's times when it all seems crushing, when it's all too much. I may just snap and shout at people around me, I may simply shut down or burst into tears. For me, it's the reason I despise the phrase "get a grip" because that's all you ever want to do, is get hold of the emotions that are overwhelming and push them so deep inside they never come out.

Ultimately, I cope with it by holding onto the mundane, despite the breakup of my marriage I made sure that I went to work most days, that I made sure to eat something, tried to talk general crap to others. Places like Hexus also help because I can feel like I'm part of a community, even if I don't really *know* anyone on here, I can at least take part. That's why the phrase "get a grip" annoys me, it instantly dismisses everything I am doing to keep going and implies that I'm not trying hard enough, instead of acknowledging that I'm suffering from an illness I really can't control.

[Brucelles]

I recommend logging onto youtube and listening to some Dream Evil. Try In Flames You burn, Into the Moonlight or The Prophecy.

You have to have a heart of stone and testicles like raisins not to cheer up a bit through that.

[Phage]

Places like Hexus also help because I can feel like I'm part of a community, even if I don't really *know* anyone on here, I can at least take part.

Very interesting you should say that. I've got enormous help from forums like these in the darkest days over the last 15 years. Not from what people said, but becuase you could take part and feel that you a key in the continuity of a 'place'. It's at least partially illusory, but works better than any drugs.

[0iD]

Lucio is right though, telling someone with serious clinical depression to "Cheer up mate, it's not that bad", is not only pointless, it's a bad thing. What I personally recommend though is asking your GP to get you a course of cognitive behaviour therapy.

in 2008, the UK government introduced the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) initiative, which is expanding the availability of psychological treatments for people with depression and anxiety.
115 out of England's 154 primary care trusts now have an IAPT service.

... and it works to some extent in most sufferers.

Places like Hexus also help because I can feel like I'm part of a community, even if I don't really *know* anyone on here, I can at least take part.

We're a family here & and I've made some lifelong friends in the process. The thing about Hexus is, the help is there, and sometimes comes when you least expect it.

[Salazaar]

Being single after 4 years is crap!

Yes, I too know that feeling

But look on the bright side:

No massive drain on your wallet.
No worrying what someone else thinks.
No having to organise everything you do to accomodate someone else.
No one telling you what to wear or how to behave.
No argument over what to watch on TV.
No complaints when you roll in from the pub after a heavy night.

That's just a few, the list goes on... So be happy! Yes, I'd rather be seeing someone as well but being single isn't such a bad thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndwEOIaeuGo&feature=fvst

[matty-hodgson]

Lucio is right though, telling someone with serious clinical depression to "Cheer up mate, it's not that bad", is not only pointless, it's a bad thing. What I personally recommend though is asking your GP to get you a course of cognitive behaviour therapy.

CBT is a very good way of treating a lot of illnesses. The NHS are currently pushing for 2 psychologists/psychoanalysts for every 5 GPs because of the effectiveness of CBT over chemotherapy.

We're a family here & and I've made some lifelong friends in the process. The thing about Hexus is, the help is there, and sometimes comes when you least expect it.

i've often found Hexus can be really supportive to other people. we're a good little bunch like

[tiggerai]

Yes, I too know that feeling

But look on the bright side:

No massive drain on your wallet.
No worrying what someone else thinks.
No having to organise everything you do to accomodate someone else.
No one telling you what to wear or how to behave.
No argument over what to watch on TV.
No complaints when you roll in from the pub after a heavy night.

No having to ask if you can go to a LAN

We're a family here & and I've made some lifelong friends in the process. The thing about Hexus is, the help is there, and sometimes comes when you least expect it.

Same - most of who i call "Best" friends are from Hexus. And everyone rallies round if someone is in trouble... or needs someone to listen.

[Disturbedguy]

Yes, I too know that feeling

But look on the bright side:

No massive drain on your wallet. - She had her own job and money, didnt like me spending money on her (Weird woman eh!)
No worrying what someone else thinks. This was a big one for me, was always wanting to make sure she was fine and all that.
No having to organise everything you do to accomodate someone else. This was easy, this would be, I am doing A,B or C this weekend so cant come round, always worked.
No one telling you what to wear or how to behave. She didnt tell me what to wear..just took the mick when I wore something she didnt like.
No argument over what to watch on TV. We both liked the same things, so wasnt always to bad.
No complaints when you roll in from the pub after a heavy night. I don't drink anymore, so this wasnt a problem

To be honest, it feels as if I was kicked in the balls!
We only broke up on Monday and I was told to stay of work by my boss for a couple of days, couldnt stand being at home, people walking on egg shells around me just made me worse, so picked my backside up and dragged myself to work, walked in with a big smile on my face and slid right back into work, which is helping a little.

We are still talking on friend terms which is also good I guess, making things a little easier, not that much. We have a concert to go to in Feb which will be tough, all my concerts over the past four years I have gone with her.

Over the past few days, I have had good times and then bad times. The good times when I just get on with stuff and nothing reminds me of her, then when I do something or see something that reminds me of her, I crack up again. I am like a roller coaster at the moment.

At the moment having people to talk to, brother, sister, mother, step dad and friends is helping. Brother has been the best as he hasnt treated me like a charity case or walked on egg shells around me. I have decided on a little break for myself next year, going to go Scotland for a few days and see a mate up there!

[Phage]

Just my 0.02.
Minimise your contact with her until you're stronger. Better to make a clean break and get your head around it, then see what transpires. Scotlandia sounds like a great idea.

[Lucio]

To be honest, it feels as if I was kicked in the balls!
We only broke up on Monday and I was told to stay of work by my boss for a couple of days, couldnt stand being at home, people walking on egg shells around me just made me worse, so picked my backside up and dragged myself to work, walked in with a big smile on my face and slid right back into work, which is helping a little.

Long term relationships are always awful when they end, but you sound like you're doing the right thing! Anyone noticed a trend for women to end relationships lately though? Is it just that women are being fed a steady diet of relationship horror stories via women's mags? Is it just that men complain more publically about being dumped?

[Salazaar]

We only broke up on Monday

Ahhh, misread/misunderstood your original post. Sorry mate, not good at all. Though it sounds like, as far as break-ups go, it could be a lot worse!

[MadduckUK]

Anyone noticed a trend for women to end relationships lately though? Is it just that women are being fed a steady diet of relationship horror stories via women's mags? Is it just that men complain more publically about being dumped?

depends what you class as recently, been this way for at least the last 10 years

[Disturbedguy]

Just my 0.02.
Minimise your contact with her until you're stronger. Better to make a clean break and get your head around it, then see what transpires. Scotlandia sounds like a great idea.

I have tried this, but she has been e-mailing me, and regardless of what has happened or when it was, I cant/ wont ignore her. It may be stupid, but four years, four years that I thoroughly enjoyed..just..poof..gone.

Ahhh, misread/misunderstood your original post. Sorry mate, not good at all. Though it sounds like, as far as break-ups go, it could be a lot worse!

Yup it could be a hell of a lot worse, we could have broken up on really really bad terms and be arguing all the time, but we are not, we are just talking.

I am hoping that trying to get myself back into my routine will help.

Cheers for the comments guys. I do love the Hexus community.

[matty-hodgson]

I do love the Hexus community.

and we love you too mate
i hope you can get past all of this and stay in contact with her