if you ever ride in London

[shiato storm]

...watch out for *rsey DFS delivery lorry drivers - murderous b*****ds.
allow me to recount my story [and I fully apologise for any poor language that may have slipped through in my post as such was the heated engagement that ensued...]

in very very short:...well, i got forced off the road [hit off the road to be exact] and then the driver gets out and starts on me. so lets see multi-ton vehicle against bike...wonder who wins that one. fat ex-convict driver starts on me [athletic build, not beefy, and certainly no belly] - i calmly attempt to get away without a fuss, he persists in making a big deal of it. i think - if you were in such a hurry in the first place why stop to have a fight? numpty.

anyway...here's what happened - long version -
I was heading home from being down at the boatclub i coach and row at, heading to work at about 10:30am. bright sunny and hot day.
my route takes me over a hump-backed railway bridge and turn along a straight road that crosses the M4 before it heads out of london and towards Turnham Green [in case any know it].
So, i go up and over bridge and come down to junction with long straight road, look left right and last time left, seeing all clear I head off [bikes accelerate faster than cars, so i knew i was fine even tho nothing there]. up this road there are cars parked on both sides and traffic islands at regular intervals, therefore I ride a small way out away from potentially opening car doors [had a mate who almost lost an arm cause of someone opening up without looking]
i carry on for maybe 100m then hear loud engine reving and honking behind me and too the right. so anything coming along this road to have caught up - and not be seen moments ago would have to have been tanking along some what! A big lorry then looms over me as the driver is leaning over and shouting at me through the passenger side to look where I'm going and move over. WTF?
ok, i figured he'd ba able to pass a bit later on where there aren't any cars after a traffic island, coming up rather fast now. so he slows and calls a halt to his over-taking procedure sitting right on my arse [i'm now virtually flat out now trying to get away, speedo reading 42km - on the flat!].

i go through the narrowed bit past the traffic island and the next thing I know this lorry is almost hitting my left elbow - he's squeezed INSIDE me! - again driver continuing to hurl abuse at my wreckless driving...excuse me?
if that wasn't bad enough he starts to push over to the right and now not only am I facing on coming traffic but also he is on the wrong side too.
"thats how lunatic this guy is?" i thought..."****e"
some how this guy slows down and I find myself ahead - perhaps something to do with my blasting the legs down out of abject fear for my life and not wanting to be splatted on the front of a VW Golf.
so I cross over the M4, tw*t following hard, naow on the right again, and he levels with me only to start squeezing me into the railings at on the curb of the junction. "this cant be happening!"
for some reason he shoots ahead and I avoid a nasty collision and thinking he'd buggered off and left me alone was alarmed to suddenly see him slow down. we're level again - him leaning over shouting [that would be not watching the road then] - starts to move over onto me, crub getting closer until he accelerates one last time and brakes hard and to the left, hitting me onto the pavement.
shaken i gather myself - no damage luckily. i start to get going only to se this F*wit jumping out of the cab and running upto me shouting. he pushes me off my bike and grabs me by the neck starting to hit me. he almost gets my bike of me but i yank it off him [how dare he]
of course I'm shouting no pleasentaries either: "what the f* you doing running me off the road like that?"
so he started coming up with all this crap about him saying 'we'll see whos right or wrong, my boss is following me and we'll get the police etc.' so i said "fine, please do - lets see now, bike verses lorry. well, thats f*ing fair isn't it you half wit".
'ere, I've been in prison doing life for killin' people like you'
[you what? oh f*ing great, a nutter has started on me. why me?]
to which i smuggly replied, "well they shouldn't have f*ing let you out then!"

'are you on drugs? i think you are, you should be in a loony bin, your men'al you is'

so i said "oh yes, I shot up just this morning actually. hi as a freaking kite me. oh yes. just popping some more now, want some?"

so i think my slightly paniced yet witty remarks only pissed him off further [so what, give him what he deserves - verbal abuse. cause I'm not the fighting kind unless i get pushed and this guy was pushing it. already took two punches still not gonna get into anything - was actaully trying to escape.]
he had hold of my back pack - of course not being happy about it i used every insult i could think of involving his mum, great highs and small genitalia.
eventually he came out with 'just appologise and i'll let you go'
"ALRIGHT THEN!"i screamed "i'm SOOOO, F*ing sorry for you, no really I am"
'right thats it'
"Oh f* you, you oaf"
'say sorry'
"sorry, happy?" he lets go - i'm out of reach - "[cue more wore word not fit to come out of a warthogs arse]".

but all through this incident my mind is actually on getting reg. number and decription of vehicle. hence why i was remaining calm - though shouting was a sort of tennis match, in a bizaar way amusing but only in a teeny tiny part of my brain.

vehicle was a Cream coloured D.F.S funiture delivery Lorry.
reg. number = AE51YTC
[i'm positive about first 4 but last three best of knowledge, mind you, how many dfs lorries are there that would have been in the area on that day?]

so, off i trot to police station - filed for assault. hope the c*nt gets it up the *rse when he's back inside with all his 'chums' sharing foecal matter.

[Kimo]

Sorry to hear that mate, I used to cycle regularly but living in SW London have been increasingly put off for similar reasons (although no where near as extreme). That story totally sickens me, idiots like him have no place on this planet, let alone on the roads. Hope he gets what he deserves, although whats the chances of that hey

[shiato storm]

p.s. I'm totally fine apart from a few scratches where the pedals spun onto my shin in initial crash and this weirdo's grip round my wrist where he's sratched me a bit.
no damage to bike - tho chain came off.

what worries me is someone else may not be so lucky...he might actually kill them - i consider myself lucky in that I a quite fit and could get away reasonably fast, also being confident on a bike so knowing how to avoid fatal accidents several times...I'm not sure how many would be able to do that. hopefully he's taken away.
I'm calling the company first thing in the morning.

[shiato storm]

Sorry to hear that mate, I used to cycle regularly but living in SW London have been increasingly put off for similar reasons (although no where near as extreme). That story totally sickens me, idiots like him have no place on this planet, let alone on the roads. Hope he gets what he deserves, although whats the chances of that hey

yeah, don't suppose you know Sutton court road going from chiswick up to turnham green over the M4 at all? that where it happened - laods of people saw but did they do anything? like hell they did.
been trying to work out how to carry some sort of defensive weapon [though the phrase is a contradiction in itself] in case of situations like these...still havent figured one out yet.thinking a flexy cord, like that shower flex you can get slipped inside the handlebar to be whipped out in time of need...can't see how i can get a baton legally - seems to work for riot police.
perhaps some mace instead of a waterbottle in holding cage?...thats a thought.
i'm sure the internet has something. bazooka? nukes?

[Kimo]

yeah, don't suppose you know Sutton court road going from chiswick up to turnham green over the M4 at all? that where it happened - laods of people saw but did they do anything? like hell they did.
been trying to work out how to carry some sort of defensive weapon [though the phrase is a contradiction in itself] in case of situations like these...still havent figured one out yet.thinking a flexy cord, like that shower flex you can get slipped inside the handlebar to be whipped out in time of need...can't see how i can get a baton legally - seems to work for riot police.
perhaps some mace instead of a waterbottle in holding cage?...thats a thought.
i'm sure the internet has something. bazooka? nukes?

I think so, that very long road that leads down to the actual green in Turnham Green. Can't believe no-one helped or at least came over after it all cooled down. For defence, maybe a lead lined hand pump would be good

Keep us updated on the response from DFS / police. I seriously hope this has a positive ending, I rarely hear of any cycle incidents that end positively

[shiato storm]

positive ending? if i got payed for the number of times i;ve been hit by buses in london i'd never need work. for 3 life times

[megah0]

Just to point out if you do get caught with a weapon in public, even if its for self defence the book WILL be thrown at you.

I used to break the law 3 times a week travelling to and from the dojo with my little assortment, if i was ever stopped and searched....

[Stoo]

right.. you've got his number.. if someone was really evil they could make some false plates up and run them past a speed camera a few hundred times..

[Shogun]

right.. you've got his number.. if someone was really evil they could make some false plates up and run them past a speed camera a few hundred times..

Good luck doing that on a bike But seriously get a heavy duty metal hand pump. They can hurt alot

[megah0]

following on from my earlier post ^

Invest in a C or D cell maglite torch. I have broken arms with them whilst working the doors, most effective and you can't really be done for having one on your person.

[directhex]

there are some mentally unstable people in the world. myself & my dad were tailed once for about 5 miles, until our last random turn lead us into a dead end - the guy blocked off the exit to the cul-de-sac, got out of his car, and starts shouting about how we're holding up the traffic o_O

[Alex]

right.. you've got his number.. if someone was really evil they could make some false plates up and run them past a speed camera a few hundred times..

lol, Id make sure it was the right last 3 digits 1st, some poor sod could get really done over otherwise!

Finally sorted out this editing malarkey..

[Devilbod]

Christ, glad your ok, glad you told the rozzers too.

Trouble with an offencive weapon is the need for a quick get away public paths are best on a motorbike so are parks, so know your route...

And this should only be done as an absolute last ever resort, and I really shouldn't recommend this because it will get you in a lot of trouble but..
A simple spark plug, placed in a cunning place near the handle bars (left sides best) for a quick grab and throw, the combined weight and ceramic substance goes through a car window like a knife through butter doesn't even need much force, just needs to get there.
Imagine your car window exploding into your face.
You get the idea.

I bet I get in trouble for this.

<Edit> I think it works on the side windows only, not too sure about the front.

[Alex]

yeah, don't suppose you know Sutton court road going from chiswick up to turnham green over the M4 at all? that where it happened - laods of people saw but did they do anything? like hell they did.
been trying to work out how to carry some sort of defensive weapon [though the phrase is a contradiction in itself] in case of situations like these...still havent figured one out yet.thinking a flexy cord, like that shower flex you can get slipped inside the handlebar to be whipped out in time of need...can't see how i can get a baton legally - seems to work for riot police.
perhaps some mace instead of a waterbottle in holding cage?...thats a thought.
i'm sure the internet has something. bazooka? nukes?

Can't help but imagine trying to cycle along with a 6' Bo staff, and Im finding this line of thought rather amusing...

[Rave]

Nutter. Good luck getting him arrested mate.

Rich :¬)

[Big RICHARD]

DO NOT CARRY A WEAPON IN PUBLIC!!!

If you get caught you will get the book thrown at you and if you try to use it and get it taken off you by your assailant you are now fighting someone who was out to get you anyway, you have just pissed off further by pulling a weapon and now has whatever implement you were trying to use to hurt them in their possession!

Unless you are prepared to kill someone and do the time for it then you really shouldn't be carrying a weapon at all.