Old Uncle 0iD's throbbing column of love

[0iD]

Dear Uncle OiD,
Every Valentine's Day I like to give my girlfriends a proper treat. I hose out the cellar and oil their chains.
Tell me, am I doing this right or am I just a romantic fool?

Treat them mean & keep them keen I say, spare the whip, spoil the wench. You big softie.

[Zak33]

Should stop typing in the dark

While we're on the subject of Valentine's day/night.. should I still wear this, or should I know my way around by now?

[0iD]

It's more fun to feel your way around

[Zak33]

for fear of torch burn on her belly?

[0iD]

Naa, she recons the sight of me putt's her off thoughts of Brad Pitt or Jonny Depp

[Salazaar]

Daer Uncle 0iD,

Even at the best of times I'm just a swirling pit of dark hatred and bile, but this time of year just makes things worse. I look around at all the 'happy' 'couples' around me and want nothing more than for them to suffer loneliness and sorry for the rest of enternity.

Is it wrong to pay for love in order to relieve these sypmtoms?

[0iD]

Daer Uncle 0iD,

Even at the best of times I'm just a swirling pit of dark hatred and bile, but this time of year just makes things worse. I look around at all the 'happy' 'couples' around me and want nothing more than for them to suffer loneliness and sorry for the rest of enternity.

Is it wrong to pay for love in order to relieve these sypmtoms?

No, cottaging is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances

[circuitmonkey]

I told the girlfriend it was her turn to organise valentines day this year, and to be fair she's done a damn good job!
She's booked a weekend away to a spa hotel right next to beaulieu (is that a good girlfriend or what?). I was thinking more along the lines of restaurant reservations!
Now I've just got to figure out what the hell to get her, any ideas uncle OiD?

[0iD]

Now I've just got to figure out what the hell to get her ...

Drunk & in the mood for lurve

Try some nice undies form somewhere like figleaves. The kind of underwear that makes her feel good & not the sort that makes you feel like "Teh Pimp Daddeh"

[mycarsavw]

Wine tasting?

Yes! I see you too are a man of culture.

[Brucelles]

Dear Uncle OiD,
My girlfriend likes to be spanked, while dressed as a naughty schoolgirl. I was considering upping the stakes a little for VD, and dressing her as a really evil Japanese schoolgirl and kicking the crap out of her. Whaddya think? It's either that or dinner at Chez Flottes in Paris.

[0iD]

Dear Uncle OiD,
My girlfriend likes to be spanked, while dressed as a naughty schoolgirl. I was considering upping the stakes a little for VD, and dressing her as a really evil Japanese schoolgirl and kicking the crap out of her. Whaddya think? It's either that or dinner at Chez Flottes in Paris.

Dinner or pseudo Pedophilia...

It's a close one.. NOT!

[Tumble]

While we're on the subject of Valentine's day/night.. should I still wear this, or should I know my way around by now?

I actually have the exact same head torch as that. It's rubbish. You should get a better one

[OilSheikh]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I don't have a gf. What do I do?

[jim]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I don't have a gf. What do I do?

[finlay666]

Dear Uncle OiD,

I don't have a gf. What do I do?

Invest heavily in kleenex and hand lotion companies